Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed

Results 1 to 33 of 33
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Need some advice...was totally played and now am depressed

    Hey guys. Just wanted to get some advice from the experienced guys.

    I was with my ex for about a year. Things seemed great. Although we did have fights, when we werent fighting we were very happy together. The reason we often fought was because of her constant need for other guys attention. She literally lived on it. She could not give her past crushes and love interest up and kept them around just for theyre attention. She however told me that they are jsut friends and that she is with me. I know now after reading alot of material, that i should have not reacted to it and allowed it but back then i guess i was inexperienced. She is my first real relationship. I geuss that is also why this is extra tough on me.

    Anyway, what happened is that she moved to another country about 3 months ago. Before leaving she seemed adamant on maintaining a long distance relationship with me. Although i did feel that she was slipping away abit in the months before she left, i figured that it was a natural progression of a relationship. As in things are rosier in the beginning..you know wat i mean? Despite this, she seemed desperate to keep me and even talked about stuff like marriage and a future together.

    Once she arrived in the new country, she all of a sudden started acting cold towards me. It was like she was no longer even interested in talking to me on the phone and chatting online. Take note that this was immediately after arriving. It was because of this that we got into a fight. In this fight, she pushed every single button i had. It was like she wanted to breakup. We then ended up breaking up one week after she moved.

    At first i thought that i could handle it but it was after two days that i found out that before leaving she had been chatting and talking to this guy in the new country whom she met online and lived in the place she was moving to. They talked for few months before she left and he helped her with moving etc etc. I also found out that when she arrived, he was there to help her and she even had him over to cook for her and give her gifts etc etc. I found out that he also spent the night but it seems that it was not on the same bed.

    After finding this out. I felt numb. All of a sudden i really needed her back. It was like i wanted to undo a wrong. Like i could not believe i allowed this to happen. I then became a total wuss and begged her back. I did not mention the guy because i did not want to put her off in any way and also because although i knew all that...i had no real proof that she really did cheat. What if that guy was just being friendly and helping someone in need? I highly doubt that but that was what i was thinking at the time because to me, i could not imagine being cheated on.

    Anyway after about a week of chasing her, she then sent me an email telling me she met someone new after the breakup and this guy was there after to make her feel better and make her smile again and that she wants to give him a chance. She then proceeded to blame me for teh breakup and said that this guy gives her the freedom to do what she wanted to do and all that. Keep in mind that i really did treat her very well because i cherished the fact that she was my first girlfriend. Thing is, he was there even before the breakup and im pretty sure he had a huge part in our breakup happening in the first place. She however did not mention who the guy was although i knew it was the same guy.


    I felt so horrible. This means that the past few months of our relationship was fake. She was practically playing me and testing waters with this guy. Securing a bakcup so she can leave me because she never wanted a LDR. I proceeded to write her a nasty letter telling her all this and told her i will never talk to her again.

    After about a month, she found me online and came and talked to me as though nothing happened and she is my best friend. this really hurt. She did not even apologise because she thinks that i never knew about this guy and that i really believe he came only after the breakup.I then deleted her on msn and facebook. It has been about two months and i feel better. I dont want her back bcause i know she isnt worht it. However i cant get over the hurt of being played like tht.

    I always believed in karma but if karma really does exist...y am i the one suffering while she is happy with another guy who seems to do eveyrthing for her? It really hurts and im having trouble getting over it. I would like advice from you guys on what i should do. I am sorry that this post is long. There is actually so much more i have to say but i have cut alot so as not to bore you guys.

    I appreciate your help
    Thx



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Hey bro we all get oneitis at some point in our life.
    The hurt is there it always will be it will fade with time - I still have oneitis for my EX-girl and after 2 years I still think about her a LOT but I carry on best I can hoping those feelings will fade and they do.

    When a girl hurts you it plain sucks the.
    Getting hurt and doing stupid things will make you a stronger, better PUA in the future - Im proud of my past scars becasue they shaped me to become the guy I needed to be in the first place - what does not kill you will EVENTUALLY make you stronger. SO FUCKING STRONG MY MAN!!!

    Deangelo was a wussie guy ya know? Now look at him guy is a rock star!
    I learn more from my failings than I do my success.

    Man I still have pictures of My EX-girl that I look at when I get drunk- I almost throw my monitor out of the window - but then I get EVEN I look at the picture and say "who the fuck are you?" FUEL ME! ROOOOAR!!!! THIS IS SPARTA!


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Damascus, MD
    Age
    29
    Posts
    201
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ex girlfriends suck

    The pain i felt from the end of that relationship is what allowed me to dive head first into the game. That was my way of coping with the breakup. And guess what? It fucking worked

    Use your experience to help you build your skill set. When you're dead tired, lying at home not wanting to go sarge, just remember that you have a PURPOSE. You don't want to be caught in that situation again, EVER. You want an abundance of women in your life.

    That is what can keep you going.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,359
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    They all end up regretting it, move on and she'll be furious with herself. You're the prize, let it go, let the childish hope for revenge or karma go and hope she is happy. Sadly when you're at that point, she'll come begging back and you won't want her anymore. Take heart. Everything entertwines.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Revenge feels like a quick fix but it is not. You have to be wise to understand this.
    "You will be left without excuses for the evils and abuses" Johnny cash.....

    You are now shedding skin - and it will be painfull untill its fully dissolved from your body.
    Caterpiller sheds it skin to find the butterfly within!!

    Post up her when you get deppressed or down - we are with ya buddy.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,113
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    She wouldnt have been that great anyway.. I agree that all women do enjoy attention.. but there is a difference between enjoying attention(Being checked out, being asked out on a date that you politely turn down, etc) and being an attention whore(crossing boundaries)... she was obviously an attention whore, with zero self esteem and she cannot ever be alone because of this.. women like this are dangerous.. they're more likely to cheat for validation, cross boundaries for a compliment (i.e send nude photos to other guys?), among other crazy shit.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Gender:
    Age
    48
    Posts
    8,605
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Just be ready when she comes back and how you're going to deal with it at that time. If you have a gf, she is going to try to pull out all the stops to destroy it.

    If everyone in your social circle and the mutual friends are aware of how flaky she is, there's not much you can say except "whatever she's doing I hope she's happy". If she puts you down to your friends, just send her a short email saying "I haven't said anything bad about you to anyone back home, I appreciate you not discussing it anymore because it WILL come back to me. Thanks".

    If she puts you down to her friends, they should be the ones saying "the only thing he says is that he misses the times we all had together, but he hasn't said anything about the breakup".

    You had the intuition she was going to do something before she left, if anything, that should've prepared you for what she did.

    When it comes to this, there's nothing to actually "win" back except your self-esteem and self-respect that she tried to take. She hasn't taken responsibility for what she did, and don't expect her to apologize until she's back. And if she tries to put the blame on you, just push back. She's not your friend or your enemy, just a learning lesson that you hope you've learned something from.

    That guy that put her on a pedestal is probably going to be treated worse, odds are when she comes back to visit, she's going to cheat, and she might even say that they're not together when she sees you. But she's said a lot of things, so I don't know if she's going to be able to face you.

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Thanks for teh comments guys. I guess i really got a crash course on how cruel girls can actually be. It was like one moment she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and few days later she wanted nothing to do with me and jsut wanted me out of her life. When i was trying to win her back, she treated my like a second grade friend and it seemed like every word she picked was to hurt me even more. I felt so helpless because i knew about the guy adn also because i was thousands of miles away and could not do anything about it since she refused to talk to me online etc.

    I indeed have learnt alot from this and i definitely am a better man because of it. Every day as time passes i do feel abit better but i guess i am still stuck in a cycle where every once in awhile i would go back into depression. I no longer make excuses for her acitons and am able to see things clearly and see what most of my friends haev been trying to tell me abotu her all along. It jsut seems so unfair that she got away with what she did to me. Is there no justice???that she can be so much happier and have a new guy that worships her and treats her like a god right after doing something so horrible to me. She did not even feel any ounce of regret towards doing that to me since she has another guy right away. Btw, this guy really does do everything for her. She has even been telling all our mutual friends how much happier she is after the rbeakup and how much better the other guy is compared to me. She does this so that she can justify her relationship with the guyc since all our mutual friends know that i was never bad to her. Thing is, i treated her really well...i may not have worshipped her or put her on a pedestal like this guy did but i always treated her with respect and i have never even raised my voice at her. I do read some material form time to time and have applied its principles in my relationship.

    I guess at the end of the day...i dont really want her back because i understnad after what she did..it will never be the same relationship again and she isnt even worth it. I guess what i want is for justice. What do you guys think?? what happened to ur past ex'es that cheated on you?? Did they regret it??would lvoe to hear about it.
    How do you really know if this guy does everything for her? And you know what? It doesn't matter. She's with him now and not you. If he continues his rumored supplicating behavior their relationship WILL NOT last. This guy is new and new guys get the benefit of the doubt. So he'll seem like an awesome dude to her for a while in the beginning that's inevitable.

    Why is she treating you like your relationship never happened? Think of it this way dude. Do you know any girls in the past that you're friends with that you weren't even remotely attracted to? Well that's how she feels about you at this point. Her switch has been turned off. How do you treat someone that you aren't attracted to that keeps calling you or vying for your affection? You run in the other direction. Put yourself in her shoes. She's not empathizing with how you feel because she's so far gone. She doesn't feel the hurt you do when she says mean shit about your past history because she probably already built up a bad image of you in her head. That's what chicks do. They rationalize and magnify all the negatives in the relationship they had with you after they've lost attraction to justify the breakup.

    The only thing you can do is show her that you DON'T NEED her and that you are actually better off without her if you want to have any sort of "revenge".
    Don't try to rationalize the situation. Attraction isn't a choice. I've been in your situation many many times and I know how awful you feel. And I no longer speak to those ex's. I met better girls after them and each time I meet someone new they are even better. Just move foward and try to forget about her. I know it's easier said than done but you really have no choice at this point.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    once again i want to thank you guys for all your comments.. Feel free to give anymore extra advice or insights..frankly speaking...anything at all will really help me now. I really do need opinions on the situation so that i can get a better perspective of what happened. You guys have given me great perspective but i guess the shock factor causes me to still feel abit confused over the whole thing. I want to gather experience form what happened.

    I do feel better and I am making many positive changes in my life. I think i have not had any contact with her for some time now. I guess only with time will i get over it. I still wake up in the mornings feeling a little melancholic. I guess this is because i cant really control my thoughts when i am sleeping and after jsut wakign up whereas i am able to control and shut out negative thoughts during the day.

    If you guys have anymore advice or comments..please do not hesitate to post. I will appreciate it alot. Thx=)

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Leeds,United Kingdom
    Posts
    53
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Hello buddy,
    I am in exactly the same situation as you are.I was never needy and treated my gf with respect and never raised my voice at her because I believe two wrongs don't make a right and always was calm when she was fuming with anger.I found out she cheated on me last summer and I took her back and I was the one that got dumped eventually last 2 weeks and she moved out.I have deleted all forms of contacts with her(msn,facebook,pictures) and so on.I just do things that I like and try to keep myself busy and what even makes my situation worse than yours is that we work in the same place and I can't quit the job because of the on-going recession.I am slowly getting better but imagine having to see your ex everyday that treated you like shit in the end.Take heart buddy.Girls like this are definitely going to hit rock buttom and at least they won't have us to drag along with them.They are not worth it and all I am going to work on from now is just having "fuck buddies".I'm hurting too much and will run for my life if a girl ever wants to get in a RELA"SHUN" SHIP with me...fuck it.

    bLingbuLL003

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Gender:
    Posts
    2
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    hey man, i know how you feel. Getting ur heart broken sucks but trust me, it'll make u so much stronger in the end. MAKE SURE u LEARN from this experience and never let a woman manipulate you again. She took you for granted, used you for her own emotional support, and then kicked you to the curb. You will probably get hurt many more times but just make sure u learn something and improve urself from each experience. One day, it'll all pay off and you will end up findind that dime that doesnt play all these silly games that most women play now days.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Dudes, you got to stop blaming the chicks and have to remember that attraction isn't a choice. Most girls don't manipulate dudes unless they stop feeling attraction. And it's usually something in your behavior that causes this loss of attraction. They don't lose attraction in an instant like you think and then "selfishly" cheat.

    Most of the time it can take weeks or months but their interest usually goes away slowly unless you killed their family off and cheated on them but even then it doesn't just instantly disappear. I bet being needy and insecure can kill attraction faster than cheating. Right now you are in pain and trying to find something or someone to blame but it's never that simple. If a woman has high interest in you and the relationship isn't predictable and boring she'll probably never leave you, let alone cheat.

    A breakup begins when the sex stops and finally ends when communication ceases. So just remember the last time you had sex with your girlfriend and when she left you. It's usually a good predictor to see when she actually broke up with you in her head.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Gender:
    Age
    48
    Posts
    8,605
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty and doesn't know how to deal with what she did.

    I think when someone refuses to take the blame, they're usually the guilty ones, they just have too much pride to admit it.

    It doesn't take that much time apart to lose attraction, or find a substitute or a temporary replacement. Give it 2-3 weeks in a place where the options are many and the women are friendly, you're bound to crack and at least come close to something happening.

    When a breakup begins and ends isn't as simple as just being about sex and communication, because it's never the same thing. Cheating doesn't always end a relationship or a marriage. Some people separate and don't divorce. Someone told me that's the way it is in some cultures. Lack of communication, I've known people who stay married that don't talk to each other, sometimes living in different states for months at a time.

    A girl like this isn't going to go away, and if she goes back to visit, if he has a new relationship going on, she's going to be the type to sabotage it, because she comes across as self-centered and knowing she can have him whenever she wants. Right now, the distance makes it impossible. She'll apologize, and tell him all the things he wants to hear, take back everything she said, but once she gets her way and she has to go back and he's emotionally invested and now hurt the new LTR because the old one flew into town for a week or 2? She just needs one day there and she can disrupt his life.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCollective View Post
    Dudes, you got to stop blaming the chicks and have to remember that attraction isn't a choice. Most girls don't manipulate dudes unless they stop feeling attraction. And it's usually something in your behavior that causes this loss of attraction. They don't lose attraction in an instant like you think and then "selfishly" cheat.

    Most of the time it can take weeks or months but their interest usually goes away slowly unless you killed their family off and cheated on them but even then it doesn't just instantly disappear. I bet being needy and insecure can kill attraction faster than cheating. Right now you are in pain and trying to find something or someone to blame but it's never that simple. If a woman has high interest in you and the relationship isn't predictable and boring she'll probably never leave you, let alone cheat.

    A breakup begins when the sex stops and finally ends when communication ceases. So just remember the last time you had sex with your girlfriend and when she left you. It's usually a good predictor to see when she actually broke up with you in her head.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by sdnightfly View Post
    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty and doesn't know how to deal with what she did.

    I think when someone refuses to take the blame, they're usually the guilty ones, they just have too much pride to admit it.

    It doesn't take that much time apart to lose attraction, or find a substitute or a temporary replacement. Give it 2-3 weeks in a place where the options are many and the women are friendly, you're bound to crack and at least come close to something happening.

    When a breakup begins and ends isn't as simple as just being about sex and communication, because it's never the same thing. Cheating doesn't always end a relationship or a marriage. Some people separate and don't divorce. Someone told me that's the way it is in some cultures. Lack of communication, I've known people who stay married that don't talk to each other, sometimes living in different states for months at a time.
    .
    She wants to be mean to him because she feels guilty? That's BS. Guilty people are anxious and depressed. They are usually consumed with these feelings which causes them to withdraw and hide. They don't try to add to the fire they started.

    Yes a breakup begins when the sex stops in a Sexual Relationship. It's no longer a sexual relationship. When a woman withdraws from sex, she starting to withdraw emotionally from the relationship. And when the communication stops it is no longer a relationship period. It's really that simple. I never said cheating always ends a relationship or marriage but it does hasten the beginning of an almost inevitable end with trust going first. People stay separated but don't get a divorce? There's so many reasons for this it isn't even funny and the reason is usually children but I can guarantee that these couples aren't in a happy sexual relationship with one another.

    Sure there's plenty of anecdotal evidence that you can come up with but they are the exception and far from the rule.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Hey guys..once again thanks for your comments.

    Just wanted to say that 'thecollective' probably has a point because if the girl had very high attraction for me...she would not have done what she did.

    What i feel was not right was despite that, she kept fueling me by telling me stuff like 'i am the only one for her'....'she can never lose me'....in fact throughout our relationship it was she that was the one trying to pin me down( marriage plans etc etc). Our sex life was pretty healthy as well..the last time we had sex was in fact just before she left. We talked very often and she usually is very eager to talk to me. During the last two or three months before she left...she had many major life and personal problems that needed urgent attention...i was the one who supported her emotionally through all of it. I stayed by her but unfortunately, because of these problems we never had much time to spend to ourselves and she was constantly worried and unhappy. Most of the time, our relationship consisted of me listening to her probs and comforting her. Me helping out wherever i can etc etc. This was why i felt our relationship was slipping away slightly. However, throughout all this, she maintained telling me that i matter the most to her etc etc and so i believed we were going to be ok.

    What was surprising and y i am so distraught is because of the complete 180' change that happened the moment she reached the enw country. She all sudden hardly wanted to even make time to tlak to me whereas in my country she would constantly want to see me and spend time with me. Almost like she depended on me. Her cold attitude towards me soon ended up in us fighting and i could tell that the reason for the fight was to get a breakup out of it.
    It was only after that i found out about the guy.

    I guess she may have lost her attraction somewhere along the way but was it fair for her to say and convince me otherwise making me invest myself fully into her??It was like she acted while she was in my country because she still needed me but the moment she did not she cast me aside for another guy. She was the one that chased me and won me over and was crazy about me in the beginning and she maintained that frame throughout our relaitonship.

    I am making alot of effort to start new things in my life and to become a 10. I want to prove to myself that i am better off. However, the hrut i am feeling is rpetty severe right now and i cant seem to get rid of it. I am stuck in this cycle of sadness for what happened and anger towards what she did.

    What bothers me most is that after what she did...she is currently the one better off and so much happier and she will probably never regret nor even realise what she did to me...someone who loved her. I guess this sense of injustice really gets to me thats all. Do you guys think that girls do regret after doing stuff liek this? To me, since she is so much happier now since her problems etc etc are resolved, she probably will never turn around and look back. That is how i feel anyway and it really kills me.

    How long does it normally take to completely get over someone who played you? Will the pain ever go away?Will justice ever be served?

    I do appreciate any help from you guys. Thank you^^

  17. #17
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    John it only feels like she did a 180 because you always had high interest level in her while her interest level slowly dropped like the volume knob on a stereo. When it hits the 20-30% mark she's out. Women don't one day decide that they don't care about their boyfriend/husband. Why would they leave when they have high interest like you feel now?

    Now it's time to move foward and not give her the satisfaction that you are affected by her leaving you. Don't reinforce the reasons she came up with to leave you. The more indifference you show her the better. Don't call, text or email her. She will try to contact you again and when that happens act completely cool and don't bring up the relationship.

    Edit:
    And realize that women backwards rationalize their actions after a breakup (when they DON'T feel attracted to you anymore) to excuse all their behavior in the relationship because they are now probably really sick of you. They will say stuff like: "I never loved you" "you were an awful jerk". Take it with a grain of salt because they just go with the flow of how they feel NOW. All the bad things in the relationship have been magnified to justify leaving you and all the good shit is a weak afterthought. Most of the time be critical of what a women says to you and don't try to rationalize it because you'll go insane, because women are insane... I mean emotional.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Thx for the advice collective. I will try my best to move forward. I do hope this pain will go away as soon as possible. It really does hurt and is very ahrd to describe. it almsot feels physical. I cannot wait for the day that i wake up and finally am totally indiferrent to her.

    Anyway, i jsut wanted to ask you guys opinions on something. Recently i watched a movie recommended by a friend. The movie was swingers. I reallye enjoyed the movie and found that i could relate well to some parts. The most interesting conversation in the movie was actually the first one because this basically set up the plot for the entire movie.

    Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
    Rob: You don't call.
    Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: So I don't call either way?
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: So what's the difference?
    Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
    Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
    Rob: Right.
    Mike: Well that sucks.
    Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
    Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
    Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
    Mike: What do you mean?
    Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
    Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
    Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
    Mike: There's the rub.
    Rob: There's the rub.

    This conversation really hit home for me and i want to ask you guys what you think about it. Is this true? has this been your experiences so far with your past relationships? or is this just something hollywood writers made up. I would like to hope that this conversation is true because it tells me that there is light at the end of the tunnel by doing what i did and cutting her out of my life completely. It also tells me that there will be a day that i will be totally over her and will not need her anymore. It also tells me that she will one day regret and apologise. What do you guys think? What has happened to you guys so far?

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCollective View Post
    And realize that women backwards rationalize their actions after a breakup (when they DON'T feel attracted to you anymore) to excuse all their behavior in the relationship because they are now probably really sick of you. They will say stuff like: "I never loved you" "you were an awful jerk". Take it with a grain of salt because they just go with the flow of how they feel NOW. All the bad things in the relationship have been magnified to justify leaving you and all the good shit is a weak afterthought. Most of the time be critical of what a women says to you and don't try to rationalize it because you'll go insane, because women are insane... I mean emotional.
    This one piece of advice should be taught at school from an early age to promote happiness in all people.
    Loads of guys I know go nuts becasue of this stuff. Me been one of them in the past. (and still prone to it now and then) well done collective you said it well!

  20. #20
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Swingers Quote
    Yes that advice is somewhat correct. I have had it happen to me and my friends had it happen to them. Ex-girlfriends always seem to call you up when you are over them and have completely moved on. It's annoying.

    Swingers is a great breakup move to watch. The ending is a bit far fetched but the first three quarters of the movie hit close to home for many broken hearted bros.

  21. #21
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
    Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
    Mike: There's the rub.
    Rob: There's the rub.
    So true.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Ok this post didn't make sense. Admin delete it please thanks.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    And John you said that you are feeling real pain? Well it's actually real pain. It's dopamine withdrawal similar to cocaine withdrawal.

    Read about love, neurotransmitters and hormones here:
    The Brain in Love and Lust

    From what I gather when you feel in love it's all dopamine, vasopressin, and oxytocin.
    Your serotonin dips very low too. So you'll feel depressed without the dopamine. Take an antidepressant to fall out of love. It has worked for me. Read more about antidepressants and love here: 'Are antidepressants taking the edge off love?' by Susan Brink - RichardDawkins.net

  24. #24
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Collective I have the post you deleted in my email box you should post it, it makes sense.

    If you need a copy sending give us a shout

    But yeah these emotions they feel - I get deppression - i have to take meds all the time or otherwise i get really down - runs in the family.

    EMOTIONS -
    When I try to explain something like this to a woman they usually shrug it off - dont let it into their reality.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Hey guys.

    So far the material form the community i have read has been more on sparkin attraction. I guess i never really learnt much about relationship game and keeping the attraction alive and maybe that was why what happened...happened. I do stil disagree with the way she handled things. She could have broke up with me instead of waiting and securing a backup.

    Anyway, there was something i wanted to ask you guys that was on my mind. You see, I kind of found out about this guy and what he did for my ex etc etc through friends. It turns out that this guy is the stereotypical AFC nice guy. He basically did everything for her and gave non stop supplication to her. Cooked for her, helped her with her work, chocolates etc etc. He did not provide any challenge whatsoever for her. I am pretty sure these facts are true from what i have found out. Doesnt this go against the teachings of the community? How was she able to feel attraction for him considering all he did was give his power away to her? Do girls really fall in love that easily??if that was true, then even I would be able to pick a girl and jsut keep showering her with stuff until she falls in love with me no?I dont think that is the way it works. However, I am not experienced and i do think you guys would know better and that is why i would want to hear about your opinions.

    Do girls fall for guys like that? If not, do girls actually keep the guy around just for the perks??i would like to think that isnt true..From what i have heard...she seems to really like him. They are few months in and they only seem to be getting closer. How is a relationship like that supposed to last?

  26. #26
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    England - Yorkshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    951
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    If he is rich (or richer than you) then yes its common for them to just choose guys like that "He is rich will buy me stuff and be my bitch."
    The only sacrifice made to her is ditching her boyfreind.

    One of my EX girls did this - she would have a "switch over period" like women have this 6th sense - and she would start grooming up guys orwhatever she did and hop from one to another - Its her surviving it worked for her in the past and women wil not change what works for them.

    Johnlewis this appears to be your "i got burned badge" it will drive you on to better things.

  27. #27
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,359
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Hey guys.

    So far the material form the community i have read has been more on sparkin attraction. I guess i never really learnt much about relationship game and keeping the attraction alive and maybe that was why what happened...happened. I do stil disagree with the way she handled things. She could have broke up with me instead of waiting and securing a backup.

    Anyway, there was something i wanted to ask you guys that was on my mind. You see, I kind of found out about this guy and what he did for my ex etc etc through friends. It turns out that this guy is the stereotypical AFC nice guy. He basically did everything for her and gave non stop supplication to her. Cooked for her, helped her with her work, chocolates etc etc. He did not provide any challenge whatsoever for her. I am pretty sure these facts are true from what i have found out. Doesnt this go against the teachings of the community? How was she able to feel attraction for him considering all he did was give his power away to her? Do girls really fall in love that easily??if that was true, then even I would be able to pick a girl and jsut keep showering her with stuff until she falls in love with me no?I dont think that is the way it works. However, I am not experienced and i do think you guys would know better and that is why i would want to hear about your opinions.

    Do girls fall for guys like that? If not, do girls actually keep the guy around just for the perks??i would like to think that isnt true..From what i have heard...she seems to really like him. They are few months in and they only seem to be getting closer. How is a relationship like that supposed to last?
    Girls fall for guys who flip their attraction switches, it doesn't mean you need to be an ass, it means you need to have: social intuition, health, wealth, status/value, etc... Read back a few posts to remember that attraction isn't a choice mate. Now it has to be strong for her to be willing to forfeit her entire investment in you (or that you're investment was no longer worth it) Collective got into that.

    And yes, she did handle the situation poorly, but girls will be girls.

    Keep in mind that 9/10 people on these forums don't know anything about maintaining a relationship and what they consider a relationship is 'how can I keep this girl around to keep having sex with me' to me that is far from the same thing.

  28. #28
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    John, AFCs have plenty of relationships some of them even get married (to mostly unattractive women with very low self-esteem.).

    I really think it depends on whether a girl is an HB 1-7 or HB 8-10. If she's a HB 1-7 she'll put up with a lot of AFC supplication because she really doesn't have many options. Self-esteem plays a major role too, plus this guy is a rebound. There's so many factors.

    I know many believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I believe society dictates that number more accurately. My last girlfriend was an HB9 that was a bartender that had about 10 fucking orbiters circling her like vultures waiting for me to fuck up. And when our relationship was in turmoil I see one of my band mates which was an old friend step up to the challenge. TRUST NO ONE when it comes to beautiful vagina. Women hate other 'beautiful' women and all your bros want to fuck them or love them.

    This may all sound bleak but don't give up. There's no guarantees for success with women so be skeptical about everything you read in this community. It may help with the pain for a bit but honestly either drugs or time can only help. Don't let her drain your confidence and self-esteem. Many guys join his community because of a bad breakup. They are desperate to fill the void and feel powerless. A lot of people say go fuck 10 other people NOW, but that's only a superficial cure to an existential pain.

    I've fucked 4 people after my ex and she still haunts my dreams and I'm still in love with her. One night stands are fucking worthless imo. There's no depth. People just want to feel power and control after they feel they've lost it when the person they loved betrayed them so try to maintain power by having sexual dominance over some stranger. Don't blame anyone not even yourself. Blame is beta.

    I say start exercising and hanging out with close friends. Start a new hobby. Don't rationalize her actions. They are emotion based. There's no logic to what women do.

  29. #29
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Gender:
    Location
    Silicon Valley
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3,278
    Mentioned
    42 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by johnlewis View Post
    Do girls fall for guys like that? If not, do girls actually keep the guy around just for the perks??i would like to think that isnt true..From what i have heard...she seems to really like him. They are few months in and they only seem to be getting closer. How is a relationship like that supposed to last?
    It's a lot more complicated than AFC vs. PUA. See, there are guys who supplicate and buy chicks dinner just to get into their pants. Usually it's blatantly obvious that they only do nice things to get something out. Those are stereotypical "nice guys," and in my experience when they don't get what they want, their niceness quickly turns to resentment.

    Then there are the guys who do nice things because they're nice, but don't have a spine to set boundaries. The girl may get with them at first, but the relationship usually fizzes once the girl finds out she can carry the dude's balls in her purse.

    Lastly, there are guys who do nice things AND know how to set boundaries. Those are the guys who generally have successful relationships. In my experience, if a guy is an asshole, he can maintain attraction, but his relationships turn out unhealthy and if the girl has any self-esteem, she'll usually bail.

    There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for a girl as long as you're not doing them to get something out of her, and you make sure she deserves them and doesn't cross your boundaries. It's give-and-take. A good relationship is where two people do nice things for each because they care about each others' well-being. Problems start to arise when the niceness comes from a place of neediness or becomes one-sided.

    My 2 cents,

    Rogue

  30. #30
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,359
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCollective View Post
    I say start exercising and hanging out with close friends. Start a new hobby. Don't rationalize her actions. They are emotion based. There's no logic to what women do.
    You should put this under your CTRL + K (paste) and use it in 5 threads a day.

  31. #31
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    41
    Posts
    173
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by D3tail View Post
    You should put this under your CTRL + K (paste) and use it in 5 threads a day.
    Well not much you can do when the other person doesn't feel anything for you anymore so it's better to just move on.

  32. #32
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender:
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,359
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Oh, I was being serious. I think its as good as any advice anybody can give.

  33. #33
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Gender:
    Age
    34
    Posts
    16
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Hey guys

    I posted this on a new thread but 'collective' advised me to psot it here.

    Anyway, one of you mentioned that it was a rebound. I was curious. What exactly determines a rebound? How long do they normally last? do they last at all?

    I have been reading up on rebounds and it seems there is alot of advice on the internet saying that people should avoid rebound relationships at all cost. Why is this? Is it really unhealthy?

    Feel free to tell me stories from your past experiences on this matter and also to tell me what you guys think about this topic.

    Thank you=)

Similar Threads

  1. I think I played it to cool advice please
    By talibudin in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-07-2009, 03:52 PM
  2. frustrated, depressed, need advice.........
    By masterH in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-15-2008, 03:16 PM
  3. can the MM work while depressed?
    By 22echo in forum Newbie Discussion Forum
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-16-2007, 12:44 AM
  4. I got played right back..need expert advice
    By Capz in forum Relationships
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-24-2007, 08:56 PM
  5. The Player Gets Played and Needs Advice
    By SmoothCall in forum The 30+ Forum
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-12-2006, 10:17 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions



Facebook  Twitter