Her behavior towards others guys when your dating

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  1. #1
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    Her behavior towards others guys when your dating

    I've been seeing a girl for about 6 months now (knew her for 9) and we've gotten really close and fallen "in love". She sleeps over 5-7 nights a week and we spend a good amount of time together (most of our free time). She is very clingy which is a good and bad thing but when we go out or she is with her friends I feel she is this way with "other guys". She defiantly touches other guys and it seems the attention she gives me sometimes goes towards other men. (not that this is taken from me when we are out I just notice she is very flirty with other men). You know they may kiss on the cheek good bye or hug. And when she's with her girlfriends im almost positive they hangout with other groups of people and guys. I just feel that her"thing" is to hangout with all her single friends and 'flirt" with guys.....

    I'm just trying to figure out if this is normal with most beautiful women and something I just need to learn to live with. Or if that is just her personality and I should either deal with it or dump her. How should a "normal" girlfriend act, am I getting over jealous



  2. #2
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    5-7 nights a week????? WTF is that shit?

    First: Get a life.

    Second: Well you are extremely insecure and dreaming up scenarios of what she does
    when you guys are apart for two minutes.

    Third: Get a life.

    Fourth: Spend 2 days a week together at MOST.

    If you continue to be as insecure and jealous like this I give your relationship maybe another month or two months at most.

    I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm seriously trying to help you out. SPEND LESS TIME TOGETHER AND WORK ON YOUR INNER GAME and you will be much happier in your relationship.

    I don't now what is up with you guys but seriously go and read some material by David DeAngelo or other "love doctors". All I see here is relationships crashing and burning like you guys don't know a thing about being a challenge and maintaining attraction in your relationships.

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    ^^ people come to a forum for help collective if they didn't have problems then they wouldn't be here, so its clear there are many posts such as these.

    tommboy2: you spend 5-7 nights together a week, when you are out she is unable to give you as much attention. Probably because it would be ILLEGAL to do so in public. I'm only halfway joking. When she can't focus on you wholly or solely, which you cannot in social situations without being a huge bitch, then you're going to get less attention. take it with a grain of salt, mate.

    Yes, beautiful women flirt with guys. Draw a line, state it, if its not crossed then stop sweating it.

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    Yeah maybe I'm a bit harsh but I expect a forum like to be filled with dudes that have or are working on their inner game...

    I see a guy with over 200+ posts on this forum and I'd assume they'd learn something here after a while.

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    Haha, yeah, that's a good point it is a high post count. I find its difficult for people to discern where the line between inner game / acceptable boundaries lies. The answer is that certain things may be acceptable to certain people in specific relationships that may not to another...but guys need the reassurance I guess. Point remains, this girl didn't seem to cross any boundaries that I can see, but that is by my standard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by D3tail View Post
    Haha, yeah, that's a good point it is a high post count. I find its difficult for people to discern where the line between inner game / acceptable boundaries lies. The answer is that certain things may be acceptable to certain people in specific relationships that may not to another...but guys need the reassurance I guess. Point remains, this girl didn't seem to cross any boundaries that I can see, but that is by my standard.
    Yes. I think the boundary moves depending on how insecure/secure you are in the relationship. Women will continue testing and seeing how far they can push the boundaries until one of you dies or she leaves you. And most of the time they do it unconsciously.

    If you are so insecure to be consumed with jealousy when she talks or speaks to another dude you've got some inner game issues to deal with. If your girlfriend starts making out with another guy or cheats on you I'm pretty sure she's been contemplating leaving you (lost attraction with you, no respect for you, etc) long before the cheating has occurred.

    Well anyway, don't worry about what she's doing when she's on her own and please for the love of god give each other some space to live your own lives. It's really for the better. Let her miss you.

    And by the way if she is actually as beautiful as you say she is then she will for sure be hit on by dudes everyday all the time until she dies, gets fat or old so deal with it.

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    Dude, 5-7 nights a week, plus all your free time?! She's not 'staying over', she lives with you. And six months is pretty early to be living with someone! You need to get a life outside of your girlfriend. This is a way bigger issue than the apparent flirting with other guys.

    As for the 'flirting with other guys', I would consider this NORMAL behaviour. I have guy friends and they all kiss me on the cheek when we meet up or give me a quick hug. This includes my boyfriend's mates. It's just the accepted way of greeting girls in my social circles. (C'mon, a handshake would be weird and way too formal, a quick wave would be standoffish, a peck on the cheek is perfect.) I wouldn't even class it as flirting, it's just greeting someone!

    She needs to talk to other people because you two live in each others' pockets nearly 24/7. As the others have said, give her some space and work on your own inner game. And please, please, get a hobby or something!

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    It's not healthy to spend that much time together. 2-3 years in, sure. You need your own free time. She needs to miss you. That's how you'll know... if she can't handle the time apart, you'll know it's not going to work in the long run.

    Like sampanye said - that's normal female behavior to touch a guy when they talk, to kiss on the cheek. Thing is - guys read some of this as an IOI, when it might be how she talks to everyone.

    Collective is sort of right in "get a life", but I'd change it to "have your own life"- enjoy it.

    If you're worried about her cheating- it's either because there's no attraction or she wants to take risks. Most of the time you'll never know until she leaves clues, and it's usually because she messed up or she wants out of the relationship, but is "too nice" to be able to say anything and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or thinks you're going to take it really badly.

    The only way to know for sure is giving someone a level of trust and not putting "your full trust" in them.

    Quote Originally Posted by tommboy2 View Post
    I've been seeing a girl for about 6 months now (knew her for 9) and we've gotten really close and fallen "in love". She sleeps over 5-7 nights a week and we spend a good amount of time together (most of our free time). She is very clingy which is a good and bad thing but when we go out or she is with her friends I feel she is this way with "other guys". She defiantly touches other guys and it seems the attention she gives me sometimes goes towards other men. (not that this is taken from me when we are out I just notice she is very flirty with other men). You know they may kiss on the cheek good bye or hug. And when she's with her girlfriends im almost positive they hangout with other groups of people and guys. I just feel that her"thing" is to hangout with all her single friends and 'flirt" with guys.....

    I'm just trying to figure out if this is normal with most beautiful women and something I just need to learn to live with. Or if that is just her personality and I should either deal with it or dump her. How should a "normal" girlfriend act, am I getting over jealous

  9. #9
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    I'm astonished with how people pick out the things they want to attack sometimes and don't read into what's "actually" going on (the "really" real if you will).

    Mr. Farley, tommyboy, said she "spends the night" 5-7 times a week...that is not spending 5-7 whole days together...maybe this girl likes sex (God Forbid!) and she likes to have it with her Boyfriend (What is the World coming to?!?!)......

    Now I understand the assault on also spending "most" of their free time together, but we have no gauge into how busy either of them are, maybe they work conflicting hours and they only have a 2 or so compatible hours every couple days to hang out....?? Clearing this up would help.

    I think it's also important to understand what one wants out of their LTR, I am assuming this is a monogamous LTR.....nothing is stated to define the actual relationship.......

    Standard in this section I feel are guys who want to cultivate a genuine, loving relationship with one woman and turn this into marriage eventually.....

    If this is the case then yes you better start laying a slightly better foundation NOW NOW NOW!!

    First off, this is the time where you present "who you are" any straying from what you do right now will be "incongruent' with who you are or at least have portrayed yourself to be. And no matter which way you "felt" you went, this is not good for her.

    She needs to see you as a healthy male with ambition and options. If you are not portraying yourself as such then we need to work on that first.

    As for inner game, everyone comes to terms with such things in their own time. This is of primary importance, but is not as necessary to actively engage as outer game and "congruency".

    Basically new guys seem exciting, learning basic social dynamics gives you a leg up on most guys, and if you are in a 6 month LTR and have known this girl for 9, then you are obviously doing SOMETHING right.

    But "relationship game" is an entirely different beast. Many of the rules stay the same and many of the rules change. And many of the rule changes change per the situation. Relationships become a LOT more subjective (dealing with the specific female/situation).

    Remember though, at this stage you are not innately "special", you must show you are fit enough to survive, reproduce, and provide for woman and child(ren)....and no these are not active/conscious thoughts in those terms.....

    And as far as what she does with other guys, all you can do is be not only yourself, but the best possible version of yourself....focus on your life and your own personal goals and advancement.....and any female who chooses to be with you will have "won" THE GAME, as you yourself are already on your way to winning......

  10. #10
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    I feel for you Tomboy, I used to be exactly like this with women, I would get jealous, nervous and anxious every time my GFs would go out, why because I always felt they were better than me.

    But if you feel this way you will act that way, if you act that way then they will always leave you.

    Inner game would be the best step for you, what you need to remember is, that she comes back to you, sure she might talk to other guys but if your, fun, interesting, cool and offer her more than all the other guys then you have no need to worry what so ever.

    You just need to stay that cool guy who she "loves" as you put it, the moment you become the insecure clingy guy...It's game over.

    -ValentineOmega.

    PS: Yeah it is normal for women to act this way when out with friends, if they are secure with themselves then they will talk to and flirt with other guys, she can do this more easily because she has no pressure to date, sleep with or see the guy again because she is already taken.

  11. #11
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    Others have given you lots of good advice, however

    It's not healthy to spend that much time together. 2-3 years in, sure
    I dont think its ever normal to spend that much time together. Its just not healthy. Even when you live together, you should spend time apart.. go away every other weekend with the boys, or stay with family.. have boys nights and let her have girls nights, have things going on for you (gym, a class?) that involves you spending time on your own without her at LEAST once or twice a week.

    Why do you feel insecure? Its because you've made her your everything...and if you lose her, you'll feel like you're left with NOTHING. Doesnt mean you have to dump her, or treat her bad..But get a life outside of her.. make a new friend.

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