Initiating contact with Ex

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  1. Initiating contact with Ex

    Hey, I know we all hate long posts, so I'm going to try to be as clear-cut as possible.

    Background info:
    I dated HB9 for about 2 years (most of which was a LDR), until she broke it off with me a little less than a year ago (I was too needy, we were too apart, I didn't handle things properly). When Summer came (and we were both living in the same city), we began seeing each other again (she initiated the contact saying she missed me and wanted to go to dinner). We dated from June until mid-January, when I broke it off with her. It was a relatively good break-up--to some degree--as I made it clear that it was the distance, not her, that was killing the relationship. I told her I still loved her and will always care about her, and that I want to see what happens when we are both home for the Summer.

    Current situation:
    Within the last 3 1/2 months or so, I've been with other girls, but I really do still miss this girl. My GOAL is to get back in a relationship with her, but I think I need to be careful going about it. This is why...

    I'm fairly confident that she resents me for breaking it off with her. After breaking up, we texted casually and spoke only a few times on the phone. About 2 months ago, I knew I was coming home (she goes to school where I live; I go to school about 3 hours away), and I was pretty sure that we would end up screwing and all the old feelings would come back.

    However, she told me that she wasn't some doll that I could just pick up whenever I felt like it (whenever home). In this sense, I agree with her logic, and I didn't really handle myself that well. She told me she still had strong feelings for me, but that she was hooking up with someone else (jealousy plot?). She told me I needed to show interest (I guess she wants me to do most of the work since I was the one to end things?).
    In the end, we only ended up kissing that night. Things didn't really end well...I was frustrated and drunk... But we spoke about a week later on the phone and everything was good. This was the last time we've been in contact (about 2 months ago).

    My questions:

    How/when should I go about contacting her?
    We are still friends on blackberry messenger, so initiating contact would be easy.

    I set my status to show that I'm home. I was planning on waiting a week or so and messaging her casually... somewhere along the lines of: "Hey's everything? Are you done with school yet?"

    I guess I'm confused as to how much interest and how direct I should be.

    Any comments/insight/questions are highly appreciated.

  2. If the reason you broke up with her was because you were in a LDR, and after the summer, she would leave again, putting you back in the LDR pattern for a second time, I would be surprised if she accepts to be in a relationship with you again. If the reason of the breakup was because of long distance, and you are going back to long distance after the summer, it's going to cause some issues.

    But either way, just showing non neediness and enjoy some time with her could do the trick. She probably hates you for ending the relationship, but it doesn't break the attraction.

    When you'll be with her, genuinely show that you are appreciating your time with her. Be the same person you were when you first got together, and even better. See where that takes you. You could be surprised.

  3. Basically, you have to decide whether you're happy to have a LDR with this girl again. If you are, then all sounds fine. But if you're not, and you just want to see her when you're back home....then you'll probably hook up a couple more times but eventually she'll find some other guy closer to home. You'll have to make the choice....

  4. Well the thing is that it wouldn't be a LDR (potentially) for quite some time. We're going to be living in the same city for just under 4 months. That being said, I'm not sure I would want a LDR again, but I'd definitely like to see what happens.

  5. Thanks for the comments/insight... I'm probably going to wait a bit before contacting her (I'm not over thinking this, I just have a lot going on this week).

  6. Quote Originally Posted by Working on it View Post
    Well the thing is that it wouldn't be a LDR (potentially) for quite some time. We're going to be living in the same city for just under 4 months. That being said, I'm not sure I would want a LDR again, but I'd definitely like to see what happens.
    Reread this. If she loves you, why would she stay with you for 4 months to see eachother break up again. But you could try, maybe you can convince her for that time, but it would be wasting your time, as well as hers.

  7. Well, I'm going to try and see what happens because I can't seem to get her out of my head. Our first time around (when she broke up with me), she sent me an email about 2 months later telling me she really cared about me and would love to catch up and grab dinner or drinks soon.

    So, do you guys think I should send a similar email? Or, should I take a more casual approach and just text?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Florence, AL

    I think you shouldn't really try to get back together with her...but you also need to let her know you aren't opposed to it. Because like what was said before...if the reason you broke up before was because of the relationship being long-distance...and she is going to go back to school and it will again be long-distance...she will not want to go through that again unless you come up with something better than saying "Well that isn't for 4 months..."

    My suggestion to you is to put her out of your mind...we all have these girls that we can't stop thinking about and we always want them no matter who else we fuck. But seriously dude...just don't think about her...any time her name or image comes up in your mind IMMEDIATELY redirect your mind to thinking about something else that has NOTHING to do with her. I used to sing Amazing Grace when my ex popped up in my head. Worked wonders.


  9. I agree with some of what you just said. However, she's a great girl and there's always been this crazy energy/connection between us, so I'm going to try and see what happens.

    I asked this above, but should I email or text?

  10. Text her. She'll check her emails routinely, or when bored. You decide pretty much when she reads her text... i.e at night, when she's alone in bed, thinking about life, and bam - a text from you. Just be cool in the text tho, nothing about getting back together

    Just make it a casual hey, long time no talk, hows things? Good luck mate

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