Flaky Girls

If a girl gives you a "maybe"-type response to a date invitation or says "I'll let you know", this is a test from her that is very easy to fail because it's easy for you to fall into a low-value situation where you're waiting around with your schedule open for her. On the other hand, if you press her too hard to commit to plans, then you're chasing her... which is also low-value.

(By the way, my good friend Soul and I have an audio interview coming out on March 1st on Handling Tests.)

So what I typically do in response to a "maybe" response is that I typically give her a deadline (in a playful way) of when she must respond to my invite by. For example:

"I'll hold your spot for tomorrow night's plans until 9pm tonight... after that, my offer either self-destructs or gets offered to somebody else. "

That last part -- about offering the plans to somebody else -- is the scariest part to type out in a text or say over the phone, but it works wonders for a variety of reasons. It triggers the attraction switch of preselection by other women, it shows that you have other options out there, it shows that you're not afraid to talk about those other options, and it can help trigger jealousy in her as well.

Then, as it gets closer to your deadline time, you can send her a text message along the lines of:

"Going once... going twice..."

And then, if you don't hear back from her:

"Sold! To another bidder! We'll try again some other time for plans."

If she says something like "Okay! Yes! Call me tomorrow to confirm", that "calling to confirm" part is just another way of saying maybe. At that point, you need to simply call her out on it and say: "So do we have plans or not? Should I reserve time for you? Because I can make other plans." (Credit Savoy for this.)

Now, on the day of the date, she may flake on you just a few hours before the event. If she does that, your WORST possible reaction would be to get upset. That just shows her how much of an emotional investment you've made into her, and if she hasn't put the same emotional investment into you yet, then it will tremendously lower your value and she probably won't want to see you again.

My favorite response to a last-minute flake is: "I will wait to see how you make it up to me before I pass judgement."

Savoy's favorite response to a last-minute flake is: "Oh, it's no problem. I can take someone else."

If she continually shows low compliance by not responding to date offers or says "no" too many times in a row, then I usually call up and say (in a HIGH-ENERGY PLAYFUL tone, NOT a serious or reprimanding tone!):

"Samantha, you are such a DORK!! Do you know why you are such a dork?? Because I have called you SEVERAL TIMES over the last few weeks to make plans and you haven't called me back (or haven't been available). So this is your LAST CHANCE, your FINAL OPPORTUNITY to make plans with me. After this, there will be no more opportunities! All future opportunities disintegrate into thin air! So if you can stop being a dork for just a minute, call me back. Bye."

You can even expand this into a playful list of 3 reasons why she is such a dork -- and include some callback humor that will remind her of why she originally liked you enough to give you her phone number. Something like:

"Samantha, you are the BIGGEST DORK for 3 reasons! One, because you're the only person in Los Angeles who eats sushi with white wine. Two, because you still listen to pop music even though I've told you to get rid of all those pop songs and switch to R&B instead. And three, because I have called you a HUNDRED TIMES to make plans and you haven't called me back. So this is your LAST CHANCE... (then continue with above)."

And speaking of calling vs. text messaging, I think that the best way to accelerate getting girls to say YES to dates is to switch to PHONE CALLING instead of TEXTING. Texting is so low compliance, and the more you text a girl back-and-forth, the more she just sees you as words on a screen, and forgets all about your personality and why she gave you her number in the first place. Texting builds very little comfort or rapport. TenMagnet wrote an excellent article on "text messaging and cowardice" here. In fact, i urge all guys to try to start making PHONE CALLS more often than text messages... you will notice dramatic improvements in the responses you get from women. Yes, it's more risky, but as I always say: with big risk comes big rewards.

Another thing to think about in regards to text messages, girls LOVE collecting text messages from guys, just like they love to collect friends on Facebook. It's an ego boost for them -- it validates that they are sexy & that they have tons of options -- and they love getting text messages from all sorts of "orbiters" while they're out fucking other guys. They love to giggle with their girlfriends about all these guys that are texting them and they fully admit to their girlfriends which ones they're never going to sleep with. So the sooner you stop texting her, the sooner you can stop validating her for NOT seeing you in person. You can still text once in a while, but you need to use the phone to keep the emotional momentum going.

Switch to the phone, and things will get much easier. Switching to the phone will also help you realize sooner if a girl isn't into you and it's not going to go anywhere. Text messages can go on for MONTHS & MONTHS before you realize that it's not going anywhere.

As Soul says, "The relationship does not begin until sex."

A few other pointers:
- Always refer to your dates as "dates". Be as clear as possible with your intentions, so she knows EXACTLY why you're asking her out. Using the word "date" will force the girl to tell you "let's just be friends" if she feels that way. Saves you time for those girls who aren't interested.
- Always be willing to walk away from any girl that isn't living up to your expectations. Think about how you'd treat your friends that weren't living up to your expectations -- you probably wouldn't yell at them, but you would call them out in a playful way on their bad behavior.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I think this is a good place to start for now.