How should I deal with people in my small social group?

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  1. #1
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    How should I deal with people in my small social group?

    The issue that I will bring up here is probably not that common, but it pretty much involves my whole life right now. I probably should have posted in the social circle group, but it seems that there is not a lot of activity in that forum. I thought it could be a good idea to get other people's feedback on it.

    I moved into a small town to start medical school about 10 days ago. There are about 150 people in my class and we all have the same classes all the time; therefore we see each other everyday. Now, from the moment of moving in, I actually decided that I was not going to game any of the girls in my class. The school is really small, and word gets around really quickly. During last week a lot of us actually went out together to bars so that we could get to know each other.

    Since I have had a lot of practice and I am a social guy, I went around a lot and began meeting most of my classmates at the bar. I was not trying to game and tried to meet both guys and girls. Some girls resented that I would not talk to them that much, but then again I really wanted to meet as many people as possible.

    Due to pressure of my classes, I have actually stopped sarging. I barely get the time to finish my studies and I am pretty much stuck on campus. My school is in a small town, so I don't really get to see other people besides my classmates. This is especiallly tough, because I had a very successful summer of sarging. Now the issue is that there have been about 6 people that my roommate likes to hang out with. There are like 4 guys and 2 girls. Now the guys(including my roommate) are total AFC's. I also do not like to hang out with the girls either.

    It is just that I don't have a good time with them just drinking on Friday nights while playing cards. So not surprisingly, they have resented me for not spending much time with them. At first, they were all really nice to me, but now if I see them and say hi, they would not even be as nice. Last Saturday, we all went out. I was really tired and I am also not a big fan of drinking to the point of getting really drunk. Also, the place we went to was really crowded and it was hard to find a place to stand. I was not in the sarging mood, so I just sat somewhere by the wall away from the crowd. My roommate and his friends kept drinking. The funny thing is, a second year female medical student came over and started gaming me. I basically got her number, I called her later. She did not call back and I am not pursuing this further. I am kinda thinking that my roommates' friends got really jeolous because that girl approached me.

    Being a member of this forum and considering that I have a lot of background in psychology (also a student of David D. and MM), I know that what other people think of me is not important to me. Therefore, my strategy has been to start making friends with other people in my class to prove to these people that I don't need them. Nonetheless, this law only works when you don't really need to interact with the people who dislike you or just don't get along with you. The problem for me is that I'll have to interact with all these people EVERY day!

    Do you guys think that I should have tried to conform to my roommate's group of friends in the first place? Because the extensive training that I have had in the area of psychology of communication and attraction, I realize it is important to have supportive people in my life. But in this case, I really do not enjoy these people's company and they have also been rude to me.

    Man, I am so happy that I am actually aware of my feelings and interactions with other people (thanks to many of the programs recommended by David D.). I actually don't feel that I need to work extra hard to make these people happy with me. What I should do is to ignore them, and try making other friends. This way, they will actually realize that I don't need them and will probably become nicer to me. It seems that the rules of attraction work in other areas of communication. Let me know what you think about this.

    By the way, I really miss sarging. I just don't have the time for that now!

    I know this is an unusual post, but I needed to take some break from studying, and I also needed some support. Please ask me to clarify if some parts of my post don't make sense (I am very sleepy as I am writing this). Thanks for your feedback!



  2. #2
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    I think what you should do is make friends with the hbs of the class.
    Before or after class open them and make it platonic but flirty.
    Become their FRIENDS.
    If you can get a few of them together they will usually be able to talk and become friends with each other.
    Who knows they may fight for your attention but be a mediator, these arent the girls you're gonna want to get with.
    With you can make enough friends that are HBs, people will start to notice.
    You'll be able to game their friends and you'll have the real social proof of hanging out with hbs constantly. Also, being around hbs all the time will give you more insight on their world than a book or this forum ever could.

    Hollywood, I believe, is living with two hbs just to see what he can learn.

    I know you dont have a lot of time but if you can get into doing this, the pay off is worth it.

  3. #3
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    You know what man, it seems to me you have to just step back for a bit. Observe the situation and go from there, maybe there has been a communication break down amongst you and your "old" friends?

    I find that being honest helps in any situation, telling them that you feel shunned or what not might help, or telling them that you really want to branch out more this semester and it is nothing personal, and maybe just maybe they'll understand..if they don't then they're douches and not worth your time.

    If they feel you're not spending enough time with them then apply to their needs and schedule in a poker game every now and then...that night you were hit on seems it could have been a perfect night for suggesting staying in and playing cards.

    All in all take into knowledge all that you have learned and use it, like the secret and other such things say...we manifest our own outcomes.

    hope this helps

    -Zane

  4. #4
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    The career path you're on is DHV, and if you can get a dissertation out of these experiences for later, you might have an interesting paper.

    The bar is a better place to social network with classmates than in class, as long as everyone gets along, more or less. It should all be in fun, because once you're done, these can be people useful to you later on. And vice versa.

    This is good for blowing off steam from your classes, isn't it? I just think if there's too much focus on the social life going on, the grades will suffer. People who got too deep into it have written a lot about it become a higher priority in their lives than everything else.

    There's nothing bad about not sarging due to the pressure of class. It's a reality of life, and time management related.

    About not liking to hang out with your roommates and their friends... I just think you should be a good sport about it from time to time. Join them on a game of cards even if you suck at it. That's where you sleep and share space with every day. They just want to shoot the shit and kick back, and nothing wrong with that if your brain is fucking mush at the end of the week and want to veg out. They prob. don't have any game at all, so maybe you can help them out here and there without going into too much detail. This has more to do with being able to live with your roommates without problems coming up, not so much being friends with your roommates. If that happens, cool.

    You should still be you, but be open to their social circle from time to time and not be a snob about it. It doesn't have to involve poker or going to nightclubs (there's always school trips skiing or something), but at the same time you're not obligated to spend your free time with them either.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by sdnightfly View Post
    They just want to shoot the shit and kick back
    remember a house divided cannot stand, however they probably feel like you think your better than them. The fact remains that these are people you will see a lot, if not for that simple fact i would say screw them entirely. You remember how hostile the situation became in Project Hollywood, so if it doesnt hurt you socially to be seen with these Beta males and the girls are'nt exactly what you would call Femme Fatales join them for a night of festivities. Be the raconteur all night, if nothing else it would at least stretch your legs a bit.



    Cheers!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sdnightfly View Post
    They just want to shoot the shit and kick back
    remember a house divided cannot stand, however they probably feel like you think your better than them. The fact remains that these are people you will see a lot, if not for that simple fact i would say screw them entirely. You remember how hostile the situation became in Project Hollywood, so if it doesnt hurt you socially to be seen with these Beta males and the girls are'nt exactly what you would call Femme Fatales join them for a night of festivities. Be the raconteur all night, if nothing else it would at least stretch your legs a bit.



    Cheers!

  7. #7
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    Alright, so I finally get a chance to type something up regarding the thread that I started. First of, thank you all for responding to my thread. I think your ideas are very helpful. So I listened to your advice and I actually have become closer to my roommate's group of friends. In fact, they all took me out to lunch for my birthday a couple of days ago.

    However, here is the deal. As I mentioned before, I really do not have a lot of free time. We have an exam about once every three weeks, and then we get three days off. The problem is that I virtually have no free time at all during my three weeks when I am studying for an exam. So, I am currently debating whether it is really worth spending the time and energy to sarge during the three days off that I get (because I really don't have a lot of time to date the girls afterwards anyway. at least not until my anatomy class is over with in 6 weeks). I kind of feel that I need to hang out with my classmates; however, I am worried that my game might get rusty if I don't practice.

    P.S. This is my first time living on campus ( I lived at home during college). A question for those of you who live in the dorms. Don't you feel that you don't have a lot of privacy? I mean, let's say that you meet a girl and you want to bring her to your room. Chances are people around your room/apartment will figure out and word spreads. In addition, don't you feel that you pretty much end up doing what other people around your room/apartment are doing? I mean you all hang out with each other, go out to the same bar/club, etc.?

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