‘Not in the right frame of mind’

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  1. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    Been chatting to a recent divorcee , and arranged to meet this evening, all of a sudden I get the following:
    “Morning! Listen I’m sorry but I’m going to have to cancel tonight. Its not you obviously, but I’m just not in the right frame of mind for dating at the moment. I thought I might be, but I’m not. Sorry, and good luck x”

    Should I just take this as a loss of interest, and move on, leave some cocky reply about if she changes her mind, or something about meet up anyway as friends and take away the ‘pressure’ of making it a date etc, and start as friends?!
    Any thought?!



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  2. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    As I heard nothing on here, gave her the whole:

    “I’m not desperate to get into a relationship with just anyone, let’s just meet up with no pressure or expectation about dating and have a chat and see how it goes”

    Seems to have worked a trick and we are back in, chatted to a few other ladies in similar positions (been in long relationships that have eventually broken down) and seems a lot of the guys on line in their 40s are fixated about forming specific long term relationships, and it scares them.


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  3. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    Or you could've said 'it's fine' and not reply afterwards she should've come back.

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  4. #4
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    did you meet her?

    when i hear crap like "wrong frame of mind" or whatever, i assume she IS actually interested in dating, just not in dating ME.

    maybe i'm too paranoid.

  5. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    did you meet her?

    when i hear crap like "wrong frame of mind" or whatever, i assume she IS actually interested in dating, just not in dating ME.

    maybe i'm too paranoid.
    Oh yeah it's definitely a rejection in disguise. You should just show that it doesn't affect you in any way.

  6. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    Yeh met in the end, was ok, she started off a little slow but thought she warmed up near the end, no 2nd date though.
    Need to work on building that ‘spark’


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  7. #7
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    We never really know what is going on in the head of others. But you can spot the tendencies, if you approach enough.

    But I'm gonna go with GQ1 on this. She is probably open for dating. Pretty much all women are.

    If a woman literally got out of a marriage or LTR and are dealing with sharing the assets, custody and stuff like this, or if they had an extremely bad breakup that left them very depressed, then they might actually not want to date, under any circumstances, for a while. An analogy could be that you're ready to throw up because you're so full of food, that you could literally not even eat a $100 gourmet desert, even if it was free of charge. If she's in this state of mind, she would not even go on a date if a Greek God invited her out. She might take his number for future reference though…

    But in all other cases, "I dont feel like dating" is not a decision, it's an emotion. It can change extremely quickly. If the guy is attractive enough in her eyes, you bet she will date. If she finds the guy more "meh", she'll suddenly not be open towards dating.

    So when she says "I'm not in the right frame of mind", it's not even lying or general bullshit. She honestly is not in the right frame of mind to date.... you.

    This is an important lesson in how woman functions, because it's the exact same dynamics that take places in all phases of the seduction.

    PS: This is "(not necessarily) a hint that you should keep trying. In some cases it can be, but usually your time is a lot better spent exploring other options when you get this. So at max, give it a try or two more, then put her in the back of your phonebook. Try ONE more time in a few weeks or month. Delete the number if you don't get her out. Time is precious. Don't waste it.

    So to conclude

    1. If this is a one-off, and you have plenty of other options, then forget about her, and spin some other plates
    2. If this is a one-off, and you don't have other options, get out there and approach you lazy dabbler
    3. If this happens a lot, and you have plenty of options or are approaching a lot, then keep doing what you're doing, but keep a journal, to find out exactly what you need to change or get better at

  8. #8
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    good advice hurley

  9. ‘Not in the right frame of mind’

    Thanks for advice, well thought out and will definitely work on it.



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