Could use some advice and opinions on this.

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  1. Could use some advice and opinions on this.

    So, about a month ago I was feeling stressed so I decided to do some work from a bar I like to go to. Bar was closed so started driving around town and found one of those bars known for scantily clad waitresses. I figured I'd stop there. I just wanted a drink and to be around people for a bit.

    Walk in. Place is kind of crowded so I sit at this weird table facing the hostess station.

    My server comes over and takes my orders. She's really cute and friendly. All the servers are cute at a minimum. Great bodies. Nice eye candy. And I can see them all from my seat. So that kind of wakes me up. Something sparks up and I start talking to the waitresses. They come over and talk with me. Sit with me. Go away come back. It felt good. It felt good to have some feminine attention. I had a good time.

    I don't want to make this post too long but to make a long story short over the course of the last month I've gone back a lot. Probably too much. I think I'm a regular now. The waitresses know my name. Supposedly they talk about me a bit and wonder if I'm coming in. With the different servers I feel like there are different levels of authentic attraction. I have some of their numbers. They have mine. There's been a few texts and some talk about getting together outside of the bar.

    Lunch with one. Smoke out with another. Coffee with a third. Maybe do some shrooms with a fourth. And there's a couple more I want to get to know better.

    The funny thing is not only are these ladies gorgeous. They're funny, smart, weird, and impressive. With some there's more flirtation. More touch. Some come and sit with me just about the whole time I'm there. I don't feel like it's just them doing their job. But who knows...

    so here's where I need advice. I know for sure I'll be taking a couple weeks break from the place because I don't want there to be too much of a comfort level. I don't want to seem like I have nothing going. That wouldn't be true but perception is reality. I pretty much chilled September and I needed it but October to December I need to get cracking.

    I'll also be disappearing a bit because I don't want to be thought of as just a friend. I want to sleep with some of these girls. Familiarity breeds contempt or so they say. I remember seeing something about giving people the gift of missing you. So there's that theory.

    Plus they work together and sometimes I sense a bit of jealousy. I don't know how discreet these ladies would be. I know I'd be discreet but not sure about them. And the other rub is I actually like these people. They've become important to me so I don't want to ruin that either.

    If you need some clarification on anything. Or if you'd like specifics let me know. I tried to make it brief but may have left out some needed info.

    Basically, I want to see what you're guys next step would be.



  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by dreadline View Post
    I know for sure I'll be taking a couple weeks break from the place because I don't want there to be too much of a comfort level. I don't want to seem like I have nothing going. That wouldn't be true but perception is reality.
    If you really "have something going" then don't worry about stuff like going to a bar regularly.
    Just be an authentic you.
    If people incorrectly assume that a guy can't have a fulfilling life which involves enjoying himself at the bar, then it's good that you don't need to worry about ejecting them from your life.

    If there was a person who did NOT "have something going" ... then stopping his bar visits wouldn't fix the real problem. He'd simply be a loser sitting at home alone instead.

    I'll also be disappearing a bit because I don't want to be thought of as just a friend. I want to sleep with some of these girls. Familiarity breeds contempt or so they say. I remember seeing something about giving people the gift of missing you. So there's that theory.
    The "just friends" problem doesn't come from familiarity, it comes from not escalating.

    It sounds like you've put a slow-burn on this whole exercise (a few months and not even kissing? Tsk tsk). That's the kind of behaviour that puts guys into the friendzone.

    Plus they work together and sometimes I sense a bit of jealousy. I don't know how discreet these ladies would be. I know I'd be discreet but not sure about them. And the other rub is I actually like these people. They've become important to me so I don't want to ruin that either.
    If you have sex with any of them, you can pretty much guarantee they will all find out about it sooner or later. Probably sooner. These are bar waitresses for heaven's sake.

    The best you can do is simply own who you are, be proud of yourself, and accept the inevitable results of your actions.

    Basically, I want to see what you're guys next step would be.
    Escalate with the one you are most attracted to. Then you will either have sex with her, or get rejected and move onto the next on the list.

  3. Thanks for the advice. I think it's sound.

    I've only been going there for a month and have only talked to them at the bar and although, not impossible, it may be difficult to escalate but it could be worth a try.

    I mostly want to disappear for my own sake. But thought there might be some other benefit. Who knows. I'll find out when I get back. In my defense I stayed home today and got so much work done it's crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

    I do like your thoughts on being authentic. That's a big thing for me and I thank you for reminding me.

    Definitely appreciate your words sir.

    Should be starting the hang outs and dates soon . I'll be sure to escalate. Definitely won't forget that.

    I think you're right though. I've only known them a few weeks. Let's work from the top down and see what happens.

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