Project Rockstar 2017 Journals - Page 5

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  1. #41

    PR Journal 6

    Wow. I just finished my intervention(read my inner game reflection if you are interested) and had the most amazing night. Coming into the night, I was exhausted. I had basically just had demons exorcised from my body but I wanted to be able to support the guys so I resolved to go out and have fun and if I wanted to I could leave early. Enter what was the quickest pull of my life. First girl that I talked to was smoking hot. I just was in it to have fun though. We danced, we flirted and right when I needed to I stepped up as a man and made a bold move to pull her in. I moved things sexual and she let it go there, and within 15 minutes we moved to a room at the Cosmo. Subsequently, I went back to XS and continued to have an amazing time with my friends.

    You donít realize how little it means to meet girls until you donít care anymore. I have put so much pressure to measure up to what other people want for me, what I want for me. For once I just went out and was totally present, not in my head, focusing on the stimulations from the environment and enjoying the night with my friend. It gave me the freedom to be myself. That may be one of the biggest lessons I have taken(though I will admit it is a lesson I am relearning). Focusing on being present, on being present in the moment to be able to just enjoy every second. That is how I can best be myself. Itís the same concept from the inner game of tennis, by focusing on the environment I was able to allow myself to get into flow. I literally cannot wait to take this and apply it when I actually have an abundance of energy.



  2. #42

    PR Inner Game Reflection

    10 day guys beware, this is where you are going to get jealous. We started out with a 10 day program that taught the basics of basically Game 3.0 and gave an intro to inner game. We have just completed 13 days of the most transformative experience of my life. I donít know if it is possible to comprehend how much change we have experienced. But I will try to give you a taste of what has transpired.

    We kicked off this inner transformation with 4 days on how we think about ourselves, and how we build the picture of the world around us. Every person filters out the world with two things in mind: Looking good and avoiding looking bad. So we ask ourselves questions to determine that. Does this make me look cool or bad? Do I like this or that? Is this right or wrong? Every person makes decisions all day long about how they view things. Itís not a malicious process; itís designed to protect you. By being able to ďjudgeĒ something we are able to determine whether or not itís something we want to participate in. Our brain literally does not allow us to consciously focus on the things that it does not deem as important. Before you buy a Jeep, no one has the car and you canít want to be the first one driving it around. After you buy that Jeep, suddenly everyone and their mother is driving the same model. Thatís filtering at work. Now how do we decide whether something is good or bad or right or wrong? Well that depends on the stories we tell ourselves.

    Every person has stories that they have created based on the events they have experienced in life. For example, I was hanging with two of the boys in my Cub Scout group when I was around 8. While we were hanging out one of the boys asked me, ďWhy do you even hang out with us? You know nobody likes you.Ē Thatís the event. What actually happened was a shit eating 8 year old told me he didnít like me. It should be that simple. But what I told myself in that moment was there was something wrong with me, I wasnít worthy of love, I needed to change who I was in order to become worthy of friendship and love. And that is how I have lived my life. It seems absurd, but if you look back on the behaviors we have you can typically find an event or events that have reinforced how you feel about that. And that is how I have ended up living my life based on an 8 year oldís perception of reality. You think of what that has cost me over the years, all of the friendships because I would pander to people, the walls that I put up to block people out, the feeling that I am a piece of shit for years and years. Once we realize that we have them, it is up to us to unwind these stories and see them for what they really are. In my example, an 8 year old being a dick. It shouldnít have any bearing on todayís actual reality. I get fired up just writing this post because itís true, nobody can define who I am or my reality but myself. These stories are easier discovered than dismantled.

    The brain basically has three parts, the brain stem, the logical brain and the emotional brain. For thousands of years, our brain worked on survival instincts. It would give us emotion in order to get us to move to action; adrenaline when we were in danger, anxiety when there was a perceived fear, aroused when we weíre going to fuck. Those feelings allowed us to survive. There is a catch. Relying on the emotional brain can lead us to feel emotions that are just plain irrational. How many guys walk up to a girl and feel anxious the whole way there? It can feel like death! There is an evolutionary reason for this. Back in the day, humans wouldnít be too good on their own. Imagine one human man and his trusty spear against a saber tooth tiger or a mammoth. That man is dead. It was very important to live in groups of people, that was humanís strength. If back in the day, you went and hit on all the women in your tribe, youíd probably get kicked out of the group. Which means death. Just like that, 10,000 years later, I walk up to a girl and boom, I still feel like I am going to die, even though I know in my logical brain that I will not die if she rejects me or anything else happens. But the emotional brain overrides the logical brain every time. So when as an 8 year old I felt I donít belong, because of the emotions in that moment, ti became ingrained in my brain and even though I know I am a worthy person who deserves love, I still feel shit about myself. So what do we do next? We bring in the big guns. 6 day deep dive into the subconscious.

    The first two days talked about how to integrate being a man into day to day life and switching from using your instinct for survival as fuel, into living with love, giving and growth as fuel. The difference is that when we live from scarcity we live from a place of neediness: I need more money, I need more food, I need that girl. Think about what happens at a party. Beginning of the night, everyone is sharing the booze, Iím pouring shots left and right. Come back 3 hours later and the story has changed. Suddenly every person is holding their alcohol, rationing out what they have to make sure they have enough. Scarcity of resources right? I have lived my whole life from a place of scarcity, feeling like there wasnít enough for me, that I needed to take in order to get to where I needed to be. Going even deeper, I felt like I needed more just to survive, because fundamentally I wasnít enough as a person. I need to make money, I need to get hotter girls, I need to be more popular and have more influence. The problem isnít the goals, the problem is how it made me feel. I had this burning desire to succeed but I was miserable inside. Coming from a place of love means knowing that our needs are met and being able give in place of taking. Giving without wanting anything in return. Itís the difference between giving as an obligation vs. giving as a decision, one that is totally up to you without strings attached. All of this was just a warm up for 3 days of intensive interventions.

    I hate opening up. Opening up meant giving people a reason to see who I really was which I knew they wouldnít like. Fuck that. The only people I liked opening up to were people that I had just met because I didnít care whether or not they stopped talking to me. Being open and free with people I know means risking those friendships when they come to realize how shitty of a person I am inside. So as I walked up front I felt a grand canyon of apprehension. The outcry of support from my brothers was heartbreaking. Every single hand rose to the ceiling when the question of ďDo you love this manĒ was posed. I was a joy to be around? Giving up that feeling of self-doubt was hard. I had survived my whole life and had been protected by that feeling of low self worth. It had brought me to where I am today. When I broke free it literally felt like a demon had been exorcised from my body. My face felt electric and my body was shaking with sweat. But I had moved forward, my shoulders had relaxed, and a smile of pure joy had spread across my face. And I was good to go.

    Just kidding. We literally got mind fucked next.

    Sterling had brought out some teachers to lead a guided meditation retreat to reflect on the last ten days and to really integrate what we had learned. With guided prompts, I went in determined to find out how I could love myself. What a question. On day 1, I started by questioning what my purpose in the universe was. I grew up Christian, something that I struggle with on a regular basis. I want to be Christian, but it kills me when I feel like doing what I want with my life is contrary to the expectations of my entire family. I was overwhelmed, I felt like I didnít belong anywhere. In that time of overwhelming emotion, I remember feeling grateful, even if I didnít know what my purpose or place in life was, that I had who I had in my life. I reached out and just gave love to my family, my friends, the guys in the room with me. I just wanted them to be happy and successful and felt like there were really no blocks to what we wanted other than the ones that we created for ourselves. And I felt that the significance that we take from life is totally dependent on us.

    I was not interested in another 7 hours of meditation. I felt broken, confused about what my life was actually supposed to be about. I walked in hoping that I would be able to find how to love myself. I was prompted to look back at past life and take meaning from it. When I have looked back on my life, I have always been disappointed. I was never good enough, at the best parties, with the best people. I felt like I was out of place. I looked back on those moments, and slowly, memories came back to me that I had totally forgotten about. Happy memories, hanging with friends, all of the cool things I had done. I snuck into a rival schoolís dance when I was in high school and I had completely forgotten about it. It was awesome! I felt like such a rebel. I seemed to have a new perspective on every moment; I felt like in each moment I was exactly where I needed to be. And that was it. I was exactly where I was supposed to be in every moment, and what I took away from that was the importance of my presence. I belonged. By being present, I could give people the gift of my energy, of my charisma, my happiness. That alone was enough. I looked in the mirror and for the first time felt no judgment or condemnation, just happiness for being me.

    I came on this program because I wanted to get better with girls. I knew alumni from the past, so I knew how transformative this whole experience would be in every aspect of my life. I donít think you can fathom the difference in every person here over the last 21 days. I feel like Iím in a video game, and I have a 400x experience booster turned on. Everything that has transpired has so perfectly lined up to give an experience that cannot be replicated by anyone else. I am just so grateful to have the opportunity to be apart of this fantastic group of men.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Gender:
    Age
    39
    Posts
    32

    Reflection on the inner game part

    This year, an extremely large part of the curriculum is devoted to inner game, as the program over the time has taken a gradual shift away from traditional game and more towards changing your life and self around to become the true man you can and always wanted to be. So this year for the Rockstar anniversary addition, there were 3 parts to inner game hosted by the head instructors, an inner game expert and spiritual people brought in to help us grow.
    We got a ton of theory from the fields of psychology and NLP on how the brain operates, how thoughts shape feelings and actions, how language dictates the way view the world and how changes in the language we use to talk to ourselves and others can literally change our lives. If you are feeling down, but keep telling yourself that life is awesome, your brain will not know what to make of that apparent contradiction. At first, it will react by making you feel tense and uncomfortable, but it will not be able to maintain that state for very long, so if you keep repeating to yourself that everything is just fucking awesome, your brain will eventually follow suit and make you accept that new awesomeness, thereby making it become reality. The story you keep telling yourself about your life will dictate your emotions. When 2 guys go to the same party and do the same stuff, but one says to himself that he is having the night of his life and the other tells himself that this all sucks, then those stories will be what they experience and remember. So, choose your stories and your self-talk wisely, because it will shape your reality. The same holds specifically for the questions you ask yourself, because your brain is primed to find answers to those questions. So, if you ask yourself: Why do things never getter better, then your brain will come up with reasons why it never will. But if instead you ask yourself: How can I make this experience even grander, then your brain will find ways to make exactly that happen. Takes a bit of training and conditioning, but it will eventually work, because thatís how our brain is built and because language is the most powerful tool we have.

    Everybody has conflicting needs Ė the need for safety and comfort that breed familiarity and the need for uncertainty and risk-taking that breed desire. To create desire, you need to be willing to take risks and create tension. Game is an oscillation between creating that tension and create a safe environment for her to let go of control in. Crazy stories happen because people take crazy risks.

    We also talked a lot about the stories we create about our own past and the people we meet. We do it constantly and subconsciously, and it take a conscious and vigilant effort to separate the factual events from our interpretation and stop labeling people. You can only be authentic to the people around you if you stop applying your own stories to their actions. Realizing that and applying it to the images we had formed about the other rockstars was one big step in bringing the group more closely together.

    We spoke at length about our basic needs for safety and significance, which create a mindset of scarcity (the ďsurvival modeĒ), versus growth and giving, which create a mindset of abundance (the ďlove modeĒ). The amount of happiness in your life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can handle, and joy comes more from sharing than from catering to your ego. To the brain, the fear of rejection is just a frightening as the fear of death Ė thatís what all the conformity and approach anxiety comes from. The key to being able to enter love mode is to be able to trust and love yourself. We did three daysí worth of exercises to expel a few of the major demons of every single rockstar that kept us from trusting and loving ourselves Ė a frightening, grueling and extensively emotional experience for everyone that left us all drained, but with new perspectives and hope. The feelings from the new place of love were then reinforced by conditioning exercises that we now keep doing on a daily basis for ourselves Ė remember, the mind is a muscle that needs to be trainedÖ Itís all about trust and self-love. Donít overcomplicate, just trust and take a leap of faith into your new reality.

    The last leg of the inner game days was devoted to spiritual development. The shamans we brought in taught us breathing exercises and with the help of songs from the Amazonian jungle, helped us enter deep states of trance and reach new states of consciousness within that trance to free us from pent-up emotions, have insights emanating from our subconscious that our rational brain could not have figured out and make breathtaking experiences that shattered our worldviews of what is possible. Itís truly amazing how many things you start seeing as mere mental or social constructs after these insights and how much your state and your behavior can change as the result of a single such insightÖ weíre still processing those experiences, so Iíll keep you posted.

  4. #44

    13-Day Inner Game Intensive Reflection

    This is why I came on Project Rockstar.

    I understood from my first interaction with Love Systems and dating science that any sustained success with women, any healthy relationship has to starts from a place of clean inner game.

    I spent the first part of my twenties doing everything I could to perfect the outside image of myself. I manipulated everything I could think of in a way that I thought would be more attractive to women. I did this through working out, better hair cuts, better style and nicer clothes, and lately trying to build a more attractive lifestyle.

    The best analogy I've heard to describe this approach to dating is that itís like training for a marathon with ankle weights on. Itís good for training and it will make it easier when the marathon comes, but unless you take the weights off youíre not going to run the best marathon. My inner beliefs are the weights, and we've spent close to two weeks taking them off.

    I knew that the inner game work would be very challenging for myself and the rest of the Rockstar class, but I also knew it would be necessary if we wanted to take the next step in our lives and on our journies.

    4-Day Inner Game instruction with Project Rockstar Instructors.


    This is where we saw the foundation of what our entire adult lives had been built on.

    This first session of inner game instruction might have been one of the hardest hitting and most shocking days of anything weíve done so far on the program.

    We learned that we each have stories that weíve been telling ourselves for most of our lives, and a lot of these stories arenít healthy. Most of them come from childhood. Meaning weíve been telling ourselves these toxic stories that children made up for decades.

    I knew I had stories, but I never realized how they had been running my life. To come to the conclusion that a story I made up when I was six years old was my controlling my life was a blow to the gut.

    These two are the most relevant stories I identified, I feel they are the most important because they led me here.


    1. I am fat.
    Event: When I was 6 years old, I called out a kid in my first grade class (Sean) for fucking up a game we were playing in school. He burst our crying, pointed at me and called me fat ass then stormed out of the class.

    The story I created: I am fat. And that I shouldnít speak up in front of a group setting because I will have my insecurities pointed out in front of the group and laughed at.

    This has caused me to miss out on: A lot in my life. Itís caused me to put those insecurities to the forefront and let the fear of having someone call me out dictate my life.

    Itís caused me put up a shield and create a faÁade of someone that I think the entire group will like, even if itís not truly me. Itís caused me to be cautious and careful around new people. Itís caused me to avoid risks so that I could avoid ridicule and to avoid rejection.

    2. I am bad with girls

    Event: I was 16 and a girl I was friends with rejected me when I asked her out.

    I asked her to hang out and watch a movie via text (this is such bad game it makes me cringe) She shot me down, and then immediately texted her friend about it. But while she meant to text her friend she texted me by mistake, saying something like

    ďOmg HE just asked me to watch a movie thatís so awkward. I canít believe he would ask me to hang out.Ē

    The story I created: Being rejected sucks, itís humiliating and I shouldnít put myself out there. Especially when it comes to dating and women. Instead I should just take whatís given to me, and make sure that the girl REALLY likes me first.

    This has caused me to miss out on: A lot of connections in my personal life, mostly in the form of missed opportunities for what could have been fulfilling relationships. Itís cost me to lower my already muted self confidence and to turn inwards. It even cost me in my career and job opportunities from going after what I wanted and I thought I deserved but didnít pursue because I was worried I wasnít good enough.

    Each of us had a story that had been dictating our lives in some unhealthy way, during this four-day period we were given the tools to identify these things as stories that a CHILD made up. Seeing it this way was extremely powerful and Iíve felt liberated with the power to re-write these stories ever since.

    The second inner game tool we learned is Rackets.

    A racket is a personal issue we have with someone else, and itís usually brought up from a past story weíve created.

    In a group environment itís essential to recognize Rackets when they pop up, and deal with them accordingly. Otherwise we could be walking around harboring negative feelings for the people weíre living with. Which is toxic. This type of behavior could destroy the growth environment weíve built and worked so hard to maintain.

    We left seminar after this first day of inner game, and I looked like a ghost. A couple of the guys asked me if I was ok.

    I was O.K., I was just in shock trying to piece together my brain after I realized how the stories a 6 year old made up, had been running my life for two decades and how much it had cost me. Not to mention the dozens or hundreds of rackets I was running simultaneously.

    Going forward Iím working on recognizing these two things when they come up and doing my best not to give power to Rackets or Stories. Itís going to be a daily work in progress.


    6 Day 1-on-1 inner game sessions.


    The last four days weíre just a primer. The next nine were the meat of the inner game intensive program.

    We had a guest instructor join us for six days, and he spent two days breaking down how and why the stories were running our lives for so long. Then the next three days were spent working intensely with each of us 1-on-1 in front of the group.

    When it was my turn I told the story of Sean and how it had effected me. This was a double whammy for me, because it was particularly difficult for me to open up like that and be vulnerable in front of a group. After it was over I felt liberated because I had just slayed two demons at once.

    Hearing all the guys talk about some of the most traumatic experiences of their lives was emotionally draining, but it also brought us all closer as a group. I spend time with people Iíve known for years and I donít connect with them in the same way I am starting to feel bonds with these men.

    Towards the end of the six days together we started to re-write our stories. And I actually found a lot of good in whatís happened to me.

    For example:

    This rejection gave me the drive to better myself physically and mentally. It gave me the drive to create a daily fitness routine that culminated with me having a six pack before coming on Rockstar.

    Being dumped gave me the drive to seek coaching, and improve my social skills. If not for that I might not be on Rockstar. But here I am in Las Vegas getting coaching from some of the best in the world, and living with some of the most inspiring men I could imagine.

    If she never would have rejected me? I would have just fawned all over her forever. I donít even want to know what would have happened to me if I dated her, I would be fucked.

    If Sean never called me fat? Who knows maybe I would have been content being unhealthy?


    4 Day meditation retreat

    We took 4 days off (Mon-Thurs) for a meditation retreat at the mansion. Two amazing meditation shamans flew in to lead the ceremonies. We had the intentions of continuing the work weíve been doing over the last nine days, and dive a little bit deeper into what we discovered.

    A lot of us werenít really sure what to expect, but I think the overwhelming results speak for themselves. I stayed up until 5 am everynight sharing my experiences and talking with other guys about their mental breakthroughs and realizations. We were buzzing with natural energy after the ceremony, and each of us walked away with some profound takeaways about their lives and about themselves.

    Because of what happened to me when I was 6 years, I never really loved myself. But over this 4 day retreat, I learned how. And that was the best gift I could have ever been given. It is priceless.

    I saw so much, and learned even more so I'll keep it short.

    I got glimpses of what is possible once I learned to use love instead of fear as my motivation and fuel.

    A concept that was introduced to us early in the 6-day leg of the inner game intensive was Love vs. Fear. A lot of us, including myself are acting out of fear, and at the retreat I realized that my whole life in almost everything that Iíve done Iíve been motivated by fear. Sometimes this has yielded great results. But during the retreat I realized that thereís so much more potential by acting out of love instead of fear. Love is far more powerful. Thereís just no comparison.

    Fear caused me to be scared and as a result I wasnít using love in any aspect of my life. Itís impossible to create an abundance of anything if thereís fear, and itís hard to truly give to others because I never felt true love until this retreat.

    I was under the impression that I had a good relationship with myself. But before two days ago I donít know if I ever told myself that I loved me. It sounds weird and it feels weird to type, but it's something I'm going to start using on a daily basis.

    But in order to love, there must also be trust for yourself. We have to trust that Love is there and then act in it. I canít explain this, but over the last couple days I learned how to love myself and how to trust that I can create it and bring it back whenever I need to. It was pretty amazing.

    Along with love and trust I learned a couple smaller lessons about expectations. While we weíre meditating someone was making noise, and my first reaction was to think ďWow it would be nice if it wasnít so noisy right now.Ē

    Then I realized that expecting it to be quiet was creating an expectation for the moment. Instead of doing that I would be much happier if I were just to enjoy the moment for what it is, without expecting it to be one way or the other.

    This goes not only in meditation but in life.

    Looking back the meditation retreat was the perfect way to lock in all the growth and condition the tools that weíve learned over the last two weeks and make it the most power two week period of my life.

    I think I'm too close to the screen right now I can't see my own transformation, but I feel it.We were standing around in the kitchen talking about how itís been about 3 weeks out in the real world, while we've been on Rockstar it feels like our minds have aged about a year.

    I feel like a new person.

  5. #45

    Update 5

    Tuesday Night I organised a trip out to the desert for some fireworks. Had a great time relaxing and setting fire to lots of pyrotechnics. At the end of the night we decided to burn our rubbish and clean up. I mentioned to my fellow rockstar I wondered if there was any unexploded fireworks left in the rubbish. A couple minutes later there is a massive explosion and there is missiles going everywhere. Oops I guess there was 1 of the big ones left.

    Wednesday night was challenging, we went to Surrender nightclub. Before the night I had a date organised but she flaked with radio silence. I was 15 mins late to the club and I had trouble getting a ticket from my fellow rockstars. Eventually after 45 mins standing outside I eventually get a ticket. I was pretty annoyed at both of my challenges. I was able to observe how easily a couple challenges early on in the night affects my mental state. I was pretty down for most of the night. I approached less girls on this night. I still did probably 15 or 20 but I wasnít felling the energy to approach. After reading the inner game of tennis book I was happy to just observe my sub optimal behaviours and not try too hard to over correct them.

    Thursday and Friday we had fantastic tables at Hakisan. Friday night was by far the best night of the program for me. Everything seemed to click into place, the night started in great state bantering with a few girls outside the club. We ran into the girls inside the club shortly after. We stayed with them for a while until they left, and then for the rest of the night every interaction seemed to go really well. I pretty much had one girl or another on my arm all night. I had the feeling of abundance, that even if I girl left our interaction I even got bold, I had been making out with one girl, and whilst holding her hand I started making out with her friend. I was hoping for a 3 way make out but the original girl cooled down a little. She wasnít annoyed or angry which was great, but I sensed she wasnít keen for sharing. I spent the rest of the night with the second girl. There was some complications at the end but it was a great experience skinny dipping and being naked with a girl that is 21 and Iím 38.

    Saturday and Sunday nights are XS. XS is a good place to practice your conversation skills since it has such a big outside area. Both nights I notice my state is average. When Iím low energy my conversation is often boring. On Sunday I meet a girl that is in the club by herself, her friend is back in the room sleeping off a big day at the pool party. Its rare to meet a girl by herself in the club so I spent longer than usual in this interaction. Usually friends = logistic obstacles. During the interaction we started talking about sex. I find out she is quiet inexperienced Ė she has only ever had sex in the bedroom or lounge room of her house. I trusted the process, worked on eye contact and also moved her around the club, first to the couch area, then introduced her to my friends. Soon after we did a quick dance on the dance floor and then I lead her out of the club. She casually asked ďwhere are we going?Ē and I told her Ė we are going somewhere quieter. At the uber line I had to make a decision. A car of rockstars was leaving and the girl was talking about getting some sleep. I pushed some boundaries and made the judgement that sex probably wasnít going to happen. She grabbed an uber back to her hotel and I grabbed a lift home with my mates.

  6. #46

    10 day reflection

    To reflect and summarise the 10 day program in one word ďwowĒ.

    The program starts off at a fast pace and then only gets more intense as the days go on. The education is cumulative so it is super important not to miss a day.

    The first few days the program concentrates on outer game and is what most guys think they need help with. ďWhat do I say to girls ?Ē ďHow do I interact with them to make them like me ?Ē These are pretty standard questions many of us ask ourselves.

    First official night infield we just have normal conversations with girls. Often girls donít mind having a normal conversation, especially if you donít have an outcome dependence. Often after 20 or 30 mins they start to get bored.

    Next night the challenge is to test boundaries with women, escalate conversations sexually and flirty. Getting blown out by girls is ok, in fact encouraged. If youíre not getting blown out, youíre not pushing hard enough. It is an interesting learning experience because the boundaries are a lot wider than I thought. All of this is great reference experience for future interactions.

    Soon the program shifts into overdrive and the focus turns to becoming a better version of yourself. If you are yourself, then interactions become simple and natural. Often we have suboptimal parts of our lives that are holding us back. The 10 day program lets you work out on a personal level what things are holding you back in life.

    One of the aspects the program focuses on is sub communications and non verbal communication. Eye contact and touch are very powerful. Reflecting now I can now see how poor my sub comms were prior to this program. Often I would avoid eye contact with people both in a social setting and also business setting. No wonder I sometimes have people not trusting my judgement or advice Ė my eye contact or lack there of is communicating that Iím not someone that you can comfortably trust.

    Regarding touch I also learnt a lot, Iím guilty of having my hand rest on the side of a girlís tummy. This isnít a great feeling for the girl and communicates my weakness. The instructors gave tips on how to use superior touch that is much more appropriate for communicating with girls.

    Another thing I learnt during the 10 day is being an authentic version of yourself. No need to be fake Ė girls appreciate dealing with someone that is authentic, even if they have flaws that they own.

    The rest of the 10 day program is largely based on inner game. We dive deep into limiting beliefs that some of us have about ourselves and life in general. Eg girls donít like to have sex as much as guys. Girls arenít attracted to me because of xyz. Iím not enough because I was picked on in school and the kids told me I was worthless.

    It is interesting to see how many of us had very similar stories, and when we boiled it all down, it was just stories. It was purely how we perceived ourselves, not actual reality. Its tough challenging something you have thought of as ďfactĒ for as long as you can remember. One of my stories related to my dad leaving when I was 3 months old and how I blamed myself and never saw myself as ďenoughĒ. I saw myself as a reject. To be honest I thought this program was just going to help me bang hotter chicks, not do deep personal introspection. I soon learn, that if you donít fix yourself and love yourself fully, then no amount of tricks and tactics will be enough in the long run to hold a successful dating life.

    It feels great spending so much time working on myself to become the best version of myself Ė something Iíve never done previously. Girls will naturally be attracted to me, as a person that loves themselves fully.

    The group has really grown strong over the course of the 10 days. We all are in the same boat, facing the same challenges, and all coming through the other end as better people. Iím amazed at how physically different someone looks when they love themselves. Many of the days I couldnít stop smiling when I was looking around the room.

    Do i recommend doing the 10 day ? Absolutely !! Do the full Rockstar experience if you can, if not the next best thing is the 10 day.

  7. #47

    Journal #7

    August 15, 2017ó Day Off

    My mom passed away almost five years ago, and today would have been her 53 birthday.

    There was a time when I would have preferred to be out at a club where thereís enough distractions that I wouldnít have to think about it as much, and I could forget about it for the time being. Weíre in the midst of a meditation retreat, so instead Iím going to do the healthy thing and think about her.

    My mom was a great woman and the first mentor Iíve had in my life, but I only really knew her as a teenager. Still the impact she had on me is the reason Iím here today.

    As a teenager I would get a little embarrassed of her especially around my friends, and she loved to tease me in a funny way. Since sheís passed Iíve felt guilty about that and many other things that I can't get answers to: Was I a good enough son? Did she know I loved her and looked up to her? Could I have taken better care of her? ETC

    When I saw that the retreat fell on her birthday I was expecting this to come up during our meditations. And it did. Today I was put face to face with my mom.

    We didnít talk per se, but we were communicating. I knew that I could understand her and she could understand me. We weíre smiling and dancing together. I wanted to apologize for all these things but for what ever reason the first thing that came up was the fact that I was embarrassed by her as a teenager. I wanted to tell her that Iím sorry, and now thereís nothing I would want more than for her to see me and to meet all of my new friends.

    Before I could communicate any of these thoughts something told me to stop.

    And told me that itís ok.

    ďYou donít have to apologize for anything, youíre an amazing son, and Iím very proud of you.Ē


    This is some deep shit. The moment was too profound for me to process as it happened, it was like being in a dream. But in the time after itís started to sink in more and more and after talking with some of the other guys I realized how powerful it was.

    Thereís something to be said about the fact that I can talk about an event like this around this group. Before I wouldnít have felt comfortable sharing or talking about my momís death with even my closest friends. Yet here I am telling a bunch of dudes I just met and writing about it on the internet. I could have never expected this when I signed up. But itís an amazing aspect of the program.

    Love you Mom.

  8. #48

    Friday Aug 11 Entry

    Yesterdayís seminar was very intense. Six of us were chosen for ďInterventionsĒ. We were asked to share our old story with the group. I shared my deepest darkest demon with the group. That I had been sexually molested when I was a boy of 7 years old. Sharing that with the group was emotionally intense. Standing there, in front of twenty of my brothers, I spoke to the seven year old me. I told him that I love him, and not to worry, because everything is ok now. Nothing can hurt him now.

    I have spent years punishing myself for something that was not my fault, and really had nothing to do with me at all. Yesterdayís experience taught me that I already am the man I have been trying for so long to become. All I really have to do from now on is just love myself. I have lived with the suffering for long enough, and now itís time to put it down and move on.

    Because yesterday was such an intense release of emotion, it was suggested that I take the night off from going out. I took the suggestion and enjoyed a rare quiet night in.

  9. #49

    Monday Aug 14 Entry:

    Yesterday’s seminar was more “Demon Slaying”.

    Night Out Saturday Encore XS

    I was apprehensive about going out. I have been dwelling in my head quite a bit these last few days. I was doubtful that I would be able to manage my state. My assignment and goal was simply just to have fun. It seemed like it was going to be an insurmountable task. I really didn’t want to go out. The old me certainly wouldn’t have gone out. But we’re done with that guy. I recently heard the quote, “Man’s greatest victory is victory over himself.” I have come to realize that I am the only one standing in my way. If I can somehow manage to get out of my head and get into the flow of a peak state on a consistent basis, the whole world opens up to me. I will continue to improve on this.

    Jasper gave me a pep-talk prior to going into the club. “Talk to everyone. No hesitation. Start early with many brief interactions. End them before they have a chance to close out. Move on to the first one you see immediately. If there isn’t one in your immediate vicinity, start walking until you do see one. About mid-way through the evening, confidence was high. This sexy dark-skinned woman caught my eye. I approached immediately, staring deeply into her eyes. I pulled her away from her friends to take a walk around the club. Within 2 minutes, her hand is on my cock and my hand is up her dress. I grabbed her hand and went to pull her into the mens room for a quick bang. She simply would not go, but was not mad at me for trying.

    Yesterday Seminar: More Demon Slaying

    Night Out Sunday Aug 13

    Was able to get off to a good start and have a few solid interactions early. Felt in the flow for a while. I tried to be bold early by attempting to lead her to a different part of the club. I’m not sure what happened or how, but I began to lose my state fairly early . I tried with Jasper to get it back, but to no avail. It felt like every interaction from then on, I was just banging my head against a wall. I wasn’t having any fun, so I went home. This story of my being too old to be doing this shit is alive and well in my head. It seems like it’s just simple math. A high percentage of girls in the club just aren't interested in somebody my age. It doesn’t seem like Vegas is going to be very kind to me. Fuck it. I’m moving to Asia.

  10. #50

    10 Day Reflection:

    Essentially, the first ten days of seminar is all about the “mechanics” of interacting with women. Learning how to do what normally just comes naturally for humans. For some reason, be it our upbringing, society or culture, we have forgotten how to have this conversation with women. This “Dance” with women.

    Through the course of 10 days we have covered the following topics: The different parts of communication including: Verbal, Non-Verbal - body language, sub-communications, physical touch, eye-contact, proximity. to have normal conversation with women, How to have fun and flirty conversation with women. How to have sexual conversation with women, How to oscillate between normal conversation, and fun & flirty conversation, How to spike sexual tension with sexual conversation. The concept of pressure on / pressure off.

    All of these things are the tools we use to have a conversation. Using these tools is a skill that can be learned. The nights out have been about practicing these skills, much like shooting free-throws and practicing dribbling. The idea is to get so smooth with these skills that it becomes something that you no longer have to think about. It just becomes instinctual and natural.

    Much like learning how to drive for the very first time in a car with a stick-shift. You learn the very basics: This is the accelerator. This is the break. This is the steering wheel. This is the clutch. This is the stick-shift. This is how you shift between gears while controlling the speed and direction of the vehicle, to get you both where you want to go.

    If you think about driving in these terms, it is an incredible amount of information to process. Driving a car is a highly complex process. It is very jerky and clunky in the beginning. Once you learn it however, it just happens naturally. You don’t even really think about it. It seems as natural as breathing. You can do other tasks like talking, eating, reading and writing simultaneously while driving.

    Another metaphor is learning how to snow ski. It is a highly technical process with lots of moving parts. The terrain is never the same. You can’t predict what obstacles will come up, be it rocks, trees or other skiers. However, once you become proficient enough, you gain the confidence of knowing that you can successfully make it to the bottom of the hill every time.

    The first 10 days of Rockstar has been described as “Drinking through a firehose”. There is just SO MUCH information in such a short period of time. It is very difficult to keep up. Sometimes, it feels like none of this stuff is sticking. One night, you feel like you have it down a little. The next night, everything seems foreign. I have to remind myself sometimes that this program is a marathon, not a sprint.

    The “Model” was revealed to us. The concept is that there is an upper threshold (Sexual) and a lower threshold (Depth/warmth) that open up over time. (or close out over time.)

    The idea is that the various forms of communication are used to open up the thresholds wide enough for a long enough period of time for sex to occur.

    To oversimplify, verbal conversation is used to demonstrate to her that the sex will be good and she will not be judged. Non-verbal communication is used simultaneously to turn her on. Once she is in a judgement-free zone and super turned on, all you need is a place where sex can reasonably occur and it’s game-on.

    That’s where logistics comes in. Simply put, logistics is just removing all the obstacles between the two of you engaging is sex. These obstacles can be the people she came to the club with, getting her out of the club and into a taxi, finding a place where the two of you can be alone together, getting her alone in a bedroom (or closet)

    We learned that sex can happen much quicker than we ever thought possible before. Not only the same night you meet a woman, but even within 10 minutes is possible. When a judgement free zone has been created, you’ve gotten her turned on and you bring her into your “bubble”, sex can happen immediately.

    The 10 day period is a time of shattering preconceived notions of how women view sex. The truth is that women want and enjoy sex just as much if not more than men. It sucks that we live in a culture where women are much more likely to be judged for it.

    I still feel very much like I am in the “clunky, jerky” phase of learning the mechanics. I know all the moves and how to use them. Now, I think it’s just a matter of getting in enough “reps” to get smooth with all this stuff.

    My goal is to relax and enjoy the process, while pushing as hard as I can. My goal going out each night is to have fun, first and foremost. I am focussed on the process, not the results. If I have fun and work the process, the results will take care of themselves.

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