Issue: Loosing the girl mid-way through interaction

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  1. #1
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    Issue: Loosing the girl mid-way through interaction

    I've noticed from my last few sets specifically that I'm losing the interaction mid way through. Not sure why?

    I consider myself intermediate, would be advanced if I could close more!!

    I'm great at approaching, no issues with this; I focus on a component in which the girl controls (hair, bodylanuge, fashion etc.) - which they love. I've had responses of "arn't you polite", or "that's so complimentary".

    The approach generally goes like this:

    Approach
    where she's going/doing
    (I talk about what I was doing/going to do)
    Career/job
    (some story)

    Girl decides to leave - I throw a hail marry and go for number - get BF rejection.


    I think it might be a vibing issue?? But I notice mid-way through the interaction the girl body rocks to leave.

    A lack of connection in my approaches.

    Any thoughts??



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    Last girl I approached said:

    Her: I have a bf (walks away)
    Me: For how long?
    Her: Long enough

    #burn haha

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    Trying to jump to "gimme your number" when the girls interest level is stuck at "no thanks" generally won't work. It's awesome you have the confidence to do that though. All you need is to channel it!

    Clearly, you need to improve whatever is blocking you at mid-interaction. Probably you need someone with social awareness to watch your interactions (or give very accurate reports) to discover what specifically is missing.

    FWIW: i think opening with compliment automatically puts you in a negative spot. Women get that all day long from AFCs. I am careful to keep discussions neutral with people until they've 'earned' a compliment. Depending how indirect ("how do you pick your laundry detergent?") to direct ("i noticed you standing alone so I came over to say hi") the approach, it's always to convey a sense of 'we're equals until proven otherwise'.

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    I disagree with not complimenting because "AFCs are doing it" (definitely not, dudes lack the balls) and waiting until they earn it. If you're not complimenting early on, what is the reason for you talking to her? You haven't conveyed interest at all, aside from the attempt at small talk with a stranger.

    Though it seems like you are going direct. My guess is the small talk dwindles. I would have planted some hint at hanging out around the time you're asking what she's up to and stating what you're up to. For example, if she says she's out buying a goldfish (whatever); you state you're meeting up with friends for lunch. Blah blah some fluff. Then you say you want to maybe grab a coffee sometime this week, ask when will she be free. Who cares when really.. logistics can be adjusted. Get the number and say you'll text her later about it.

    I can get in and out of daytime sets within a minute or two. However, if you can stay longer, why not? If she is able to, invite her for coffee right then. I think LS still teaches insta-dates right?

    To me, if she's throwing a BF rejection that late: she's either lying because the number close seemed needy, or she didn't think you were actually hitting on her until you randomly ask for a number and her defense kicks in. Maybe both. That's why I go direct. There's little room for interpretation if you're interested in her or not. Just my thoughts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Honey Badger View Post
    I disagree with not complimenting because "AFCs are doing it" (definitely not, dudes lack the balls) and waiting until they earn it. If you're not complimenting early on, what is the reason for you talking to her? You haven't conveyed interest at all, aside from the attempt at small talk with a stranger.
    That's not what I said. I said women get complimented [on their looks] all day long. If you're the 101st guy telling her the same thing, it doesn't build attraction.

    Look at the OP's post:

    I've had responses of "arn't you polite", or "that's so complimentary".
    Do you think women say that to guys they're attracted to?? Nope.

    When it comes to women we have to put aside our supposed logic (e.g., 'we need a reason to talk to her') and simply look at the results to determine... it is not working.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    FWIW: i think opening with compliment automatically puts you in a negative spot.
    So, since you said that on this thread but on my thread which was specifically about finding other ways to open a woman without compliments, you effectively just said 'don't be creepy' and 'don't be chauvinist', perhaps here you would like to elaborate on other non-generic ways to open a woman.

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    i always use a situational opener:

    "Have you been here before?"
    "What kind of __ do you like?"
    "Are you going to ___?"
    "Are they making you wait?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    i always use a situational opener:

    "Have you been here before?"
    "What kind of __ do you like?"
    "Are you going to ___?"
    "Are they making you wait?"
    Thing about situationals is they're 50/50, you can have good situationals that say something interesting or unique compared to a lot of other ones that are just mundane. Out of that list I only liked the last one because it says something funny. I was sitting opposite a girl one time and it was kind of awkward the way we had to face each other eating our lunch but through this wooden fence thing so we could see each other's faces partially, and I laughed and said "this is kind of awkward isn't it" and she laughed and agreed also. But for the most part, you don't get quality situationals like that. I've heard a lot of women hate on the 'Have you been here before?' line because it's obvious you're trying to hit on them.

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    Well you do you.

    I don't need openers to be particularly interesting or unique. I need openers to open. The rest of myself is interesting and unique enough. (Even if I'm not: the fanciest opener in the world won't fix that)

    It's also AWESOME when a woman knows I'm hitting on her. Trying to hide that is one of the stupidest things guys do. Like my last girl said: "guys who deliberately put themselves in the friend zone are never getting out."

    ...
    Anyways this thread is about "losing the girl midway" so perhaps you can tell Spanky69 how you converted the awkward fence girl into a date?

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    Even if I'm not: the fanciest opener in the world won't fix that
    Or how about if you were unique and interesting and what you said was unique and interesting also?

    It's also AWESOME when a woman knows I'm hitting on her. Trying to hide that is one of the stupidest things guys do.
    You're getting the wrong idea, here. I'm not trying to hide my intentions. Just find a way to respectably communicate them and through words that are interesting and unique. Not hide behind this idea that I don't need to think about what comes out my mouth, I am just somehow magically good enough even though that woman knows nothing about me whatsoever prior to me going over to talk to her.

    Like my last girl said: "guys who deliberately put themselves in the friend zone are never getting out."
    I don't even see how we got onto this. Nobody's talking about deliberately putting themselves in the friendzone, just because they think about their words a little. It's still possible to carry a sexual vibe (eye contact, touch, flirting, etc.) and say cool stuff.

    Anyways this thread is about "losing the girl midway"
    What you say at the beginning contributes to the rest of the interaction. Anyway I'm not here to give out advice, just pointing out the difference in attitude between what you said in the two threads.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    this thread is about "losing the girl midway" so perhaps you can tell Spanky69 how you converted the awkward fence girl into a date?
    i'm genuinely curious. And I think it would contribute to the thread to know how this went.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    i'm genuinely curious. And I think it would contribute to the thread to know how this went.
    I wasn't trying to get a date that wasn't the point. Obviously though if I'd thought to keep conversation going at that point it would have been much easier to, after she was already warm to me and laughed with me as opposed to if I'd just gone up to her and been like, "Hi this is random but I think you are cute. You don't know me at all would you please talk to me anyway". I wasn't giving advice, just making a point that what you say is important.

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    If you are a guy who aspires to slinging top-notch pithy openers and never getting dates, that's coolbeans. We all have different goals.

    Sparky is a guy who wants to make dates (and presumably have sex).

    You have no reason at all to say his openers are a problem. He's getting all the conversation time he needs. The notion that a woman is talking for 3 minutes and then suddenly decides "you know what... I was going to give Sparky my number, but that opening line from 3 minutes ago was too boring, so I've changed my mind" is BONKERS.

    Sparky's problem is (for whatever reason) he's not building up attraction with women in the time he's given.

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    It's funny because I knew you were going down this route with that question.

    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    If you are a guy who aspires to slinging top-notch pithy openers and never getting dates, that's coolbeans. We all have different goals.
    Well I have gotten dates before in similar scenarios, so you don't need to be so damn patronising. I'm not saying a good opener is the only factor involved, I'm just saying it helps so why not work on it?

    Sparky is a guy who wants to make dates (and presumably have sex).
    Great me too.

    You have no reason at all to say his openers are a problem.
    Did I one time make such an assumption? Point me to one time I made such an assumption.

    The notion that a woman is talking for 3 minutes and then suddenly decides "you know what... I was going to give Sparky my number, but that opening line from 3 minutes ago was too boring, so I've changed my mind" is BONKERS.
    Another possibility is that Sparky, or anybody else, might not even get 3 minutes if a woman did not like the way he came across to begin with. Since Sparky got three minutes with this girl his opening's probably not the problem or at least not in this instance. That's not the same with all guys. My point in this conversation is that, you can't just always assume inner game is the problem, and that's the only thing I really wanted to say in this thread.

    Sparky's problem is (for whatever reason) he's not building up attraction with women in the time he's given.
    Emphasis on 'in the time he's given'. That includes the very beginning as well. Can't make a fire without a spark.

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    Quote Originally Posted by zeta_egalitarian View Post
    Well I have gotten dates before in similar scenarios, so you don't need to be so damn patronising.
    You're fixated on openers like they're a magical elixer. Yet even in your own example, the primo opener example didn't result in a date.

    You say it's "obvious" it would have been easier to keep a conversation going with your example... yet the results speak: Sparky's (whatever) openers are doing just fine. My (whatever) openers are doing just fine. THE OPENERS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.

    I'm not saying a good opener is the only factor involved, I'm just saying it helps so why not work on it?
    Because it takes time & effort away from working on things that MATTER.

    The reality of the situation is: anyone who has even the most basic conversation skills will NOT be constrained by openers. Progressing to a decent level of openers happens WELL before we progress to a decent level of "attraction - comfort - closing" conversation skill.

    My point in this conversation is that, you can't just always assume inner game is the problem, and that's the only thing I really wanted to say in this thread.
    Sparky's inner game sounds quite good and I think my earlier responses show that.

    My HUNCH is that Sparky simply needs to build up his fundamentals of conversation more which is hard tedious work, it comes with study, self-reflection, and lots of practice. But he's on the right track.

    Emphasis on 'in the time he's given'. That includes the very beginning as well. Can't make a fire without a spark.
    No idea what this is supposed to mean. If you want to play with fire metaphors:

    If your campfire always dies after burning for 3 minutes. You don't fix the matches, you fix the kindling.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gq1 View Post
    You're fixated on openers like they're a magical elixer. Yet even in your own example, the primo opener example didn't result in a date.
    But in other similar situations, I was able to get a date and probably would have been able to keep things going in this particular situation it just did not occur to me, because I don't walk around all the time scheming of ways to fuck everything that moves. Sometimes I just say things to be social and not have any particular agenda.

    You say it's "obvious" it would have been easier to keep a conversation going with your example... yet the results speak: Sparky's (whatever) openers are doing just fine. My (whatever) openers are doing just fine. THE OPENERS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.
    I never said they are THE problem. I said they are A problem.

    Because it takes time & effort away from working on things that MATTER.
    All of it matters and all of it is worthy of time and effort. If you're in an MMA fight and you go for a takedown, you don't get it if you miss the wrestling shoot. That doesn't mean the execution doesn't matter, or what you do to pass guard doesn't matter.

    The reality of the situation is: anyone who has even the most basic conversation skills will NOT be constrained by openers. Progressing to a decent level of openers happens WELL before we progress to a decent level of "attraction - comfort - closing" conversation skill.
    It happens before, that doesn't mean it ranks less.

    My HUNCH is that Sparky simply needs to build up his fundamentals of conversation more which is hard tedious work, it comes with study, self-reflection, and lots of practice. But he's on the right track.
    I guess for me and in that other thread I'm not complaining about conversation because I figured this one out a while back when I came across this article, 50 questions for a date ( https://www.mensfitness.com/women/da...ation-starters ). After I figured out my answers to the questions (I ran them all through online dating first), I never ran out of things to say after I opened a girl, so I could keep talking all day pretty much. So I'd recommend that for anyone with the same problems I had. Basically, that part became easy for me but still just because it's hard for some people doesn't mean the opener or other aspects don't matter.

    If you fuck up the opener, she's gonna be thinking all kinds of things, even if you keep her talking. Like a lot of girls don't like it if they think you're just about sex or you just want her for her body. Other girls might be more sexual but they just don't feel attraction from you. Maybe part of that is because your verbal game doesn't excite her enough. So just cause you keep her talking after the opener (like she could just be talking out of awkwardness, or because she likes you but doesn't want to fuck you) doesn't mean you didn't fuck up already.

    No idea what this is supposed to mean. If you want to play with fire metaphors:

    If your campfire always dies after burning for 3 minutes. You don't fix the matches, you fix the kindling.
    Alright, so your campfire burned for 3 minutes but you had to rub out half a dozen damp matches to get the first spark. Maybe next time bring some better matches AND some good kindling.

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