slow progress with social circle game, is there anything to do?

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  1. slow progress with social circle game, is there anything to do?

    I'm 33, she is 27. We're both good looking and successful in our fields. But after my breakup 2 years ago I'm often too timid with girls I really like. I'm smooth and OK with girls I'm like "meeh" about. That is really starting to screw me up.

    There is this one girl in my extended social circle who seemed to like me. We didn't know each other at all at first. She got in touch about some stuff and invited me to some places. When I got the chance to hang out with her some time later I realized I liked her too. And now I realized I like her a lot, so much that I've become stupidly timid and unsure of myself.

    We met at some parties but I didn't really isolate her and we didn't have dates until we went to a festival together and slept in the same tent. We didn't go to the festival exclusively as two persons, there were friends along but we ended up sleeping in the same tent as just the two of us for three nights. We ended up kissing, making out and cuddling each night. But didn't have sex there.

    After the festival in the evening we met at friends place and she was quite cold towards me. Or avoiding to talk to me too much.

    Then she agreed to come to watch a movie with me nevertheless the next day (that we had planned some time). We watched a movie and made out the entire night. She seemed more and more and in the end super into me. She said she is gonna go home at some point but in the end didn't even want to leave but stayed over until noon the next day. Didn't go into her morning gym thing and we just slept together. BUT and that's a big BUT – we didn't have sex. That was a bummer. Were naked but she didn't let me penetrate her. I was going for it for hours and she let her guard down more and more but was quite clear about it that it cannot happen (today?). The most I could do was finger her. Partly because of the upcoming planned ayahuasca ceremony on the weekend. (You shouldn't "waste" your sexual energy a few days before it). But I guess that's also just a bullshit excuse. She also said it's because of herself and myself. She said she really would like to though and that I'm hard to resist. I'm not sure what that all means. Meaning if we would have sex, then one or the other would maybe fall for each other? She also told me that where's the rush, we have time. She was so into kissing and eye glazing that it didn't seem she is playing or testing me in some way. Or that I wasn't dominant enough?
    I was too tender with her, to think back. So maybe she was just reciprocating that.

    I'm a bit screwed now, as I now really really really like the girl. But I'm afraid I should have pushed more and haven't been not at all dominant enough. And definitely have been very slow to move forward (until last night).

    I'm wondering where to go from here?
    One red flag is, that I seem to be asking way more questions from her, than she from me.

    If she disregarded me as a potential lover or boyfriend material then why did she want to kiss so passionately until wee hours. She literally didn't want to leave at all.
    (But she was mostly touching me from upper body.)
    Was she just enjoying me wanting her?
    Was that she thought it's the last and only time we're gonna be (sort of) intimate?
    Was it a test on how long or how many times I'm gonna try to escalate?

    Is there still hope to get her to bed and close the deal?

    Am I in friends zone? But you don't want to kiss your friends?

    It seems she liked me but I've done things to turn the heat down and now she has blocks. I would totally like to spend more time with her. And it's not about physical only. She is super smart and inspiring. I'm a bit confused though how to navigate this. Wait for her to initiate contact? I think I should avoid this social circle a little bit (that's easy, I have things to do. And I have other circles.) She told me the weekend was a bit intense. As we were so new together but were together so much. But her bitchiness was probably me not moving forward during that time and she feeling rejected.

    Another question is, that on both coming weekends. We were both going to the same Ayahuasca ceremony. That's super intense, I'm not sure whether this would connect us more or rather the other way. We still haven't had sex and definitely are not gonna have it there, so I should probably not go? To avoid hanging out with her too much before having sex. I know attraction has an expiration date and I'm dangerously close there. And the next weekend I was going to the same theater festival out of town as her.

    Should I go to them? If I don't message her in the meantime, then seeing her on the weekends for the festivals would be cool? Or would it be better to be away a bit, to let this weekend settle a bit.
    Or maybe go only in case she gets in touch before with me?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    20 Min. outside of Boston

    Hey man, thanks for reaching out to the community. We are here to back you up!

    First off, you mentioned that you are asking way more questions than her. That tells me:

    A. It's time to slow down.

    B. Everything from your post points towards "one-itis." Basically, I have a feeling your entire dating world is thinking about this one girl right now, because of how invested you are in her. It seems like the traditional strategy in dating, but it's not a fun's an emotional roller coaster.

    The age old advice - don't put all of your eggs in one basket (until you are in a negotiated exclusive relationship if that's what you're after). Message other girls, and explore all possible avenues of dating. Wait until you are in an emotional state derived from pleasures of your own life, like hanging out with friends, and doing things you enjoy on your own, and then see how you feel when you text her. Text her from a place of abundance and self-happiness, where she is more of a bonus to your life and not a necessity.

    Only go to the event, if you want to go. My personal strategy is to make every experience a win-win in my mind before I go somewhere.

    Best of luck,

    - Evan Magor - Honest Dating Coach - Anyone who wants an awesome dating life can schedule a FREE 30-minute skype session with me here:

  3. #3

    Hey man you are overthinking this way too much. Your desperate way of thinking is going to translate to into how you behave around her.
    Further destroying what you are saying is the remains of this attraction you have for each other. So instead of thinking of everything
    that is going to go wrong just move on to another girl. It may sound cliche but girls could "sense" when other girls are into you. It
    turns them on. Even if it isn't announced that you're with another's implied.

    Also, in regards to not having sex when you're both naked in bed. What happened bro? Dude you have to take control of the situation.
    You have to sell her on how it will benefit her. The best way to get somebody to do something for you is to make them want to do it.

  4. #4

    You should know that girls fall in Love much slower than men do. You are not are just desparate for sex which is making you very needy which is a huge turn off. Also, you should know that you attract what you are scared of which is getting rejected. You are so scared from getting rejected yet your mentality is driving you there.
    Just relax man. Hang out and have fun. If sex is meant to happen it will appen.
    Do not initiate contact with her all the time. Pull back a bit. Wait two weeks or so, let her miss you, and then out of no where shoot her a text to hang out. If she texted you within the two weeks then great..make the date go out and try getting her back to yours again. Its really much simpler than you think it is.
    When you are out in public with ur friends give them the priority. You see her, you great her you make a small conversation and then you execuse your self and go back to join your friend. Watch then how she will be constantly putting herself in your radar. She will do everything to get your attention. At that point, you will be the prise, she will be tha chaser. After sometime, you may go back to her, isolate her and have a drink or so. then escalate physically , kiss her and try to take her back to yours..if it worked it worked, if it didn't then f**k it, it will happen next time.
    Always focus on having fun man..

    read this, it'll help .. good luck

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