How to get over Approach Anxiety from jediblood - Page 2

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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jediblood View Post
    It's only a deeper issue if you make it a deeper issue everyone I worked with overcame it so
    Where did you think the social anxiety came from? Plucked from the air you breathe in?

    Instead of telling us all that "everyone I worked with overcame it so", why don't you explain to us all in more specific details what did you do to help them "overcome it"? If you can't even defend your own argument properly, maybe you should just stop making yourself look incredibly amateurish.



  2. #12
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    For me approach anxiety works like this. I think if you're a guy who's always had moderate success with attractive women, sure approaching an attractive girl is still going to seem kind of scary but you know that you've had success with women in the past and if you're a guy who's always had attractive women show interest in you that's gonna of course a boost your confidence because your experience tells you that you're not a loser with women.

    If however you're a guy like me who's in his early to mid 40s who's never had any success with women other than the odd blind dates that never went anywhere, going up to a total stranger especially in a shopping mall is a very very awkward thing to do for most guys.

    And really the odds are stacked against you because most women go to shopping malls to "shop" not get approached by some stranger she's never met before... And let's be honest and realistic unless you're a guy who's really outgoing who knows how to talk to girls and be very smooth and natural about it you're going to choke the minute she looks at you like who the hell are you and why are you even talking to me??

    And yes I'm also talking about inner game issues as well. I sometimes try just going up girls and doing something harmless like asking for the time. And to be honest even then some women seem to act like I am bothering them or OK I'll tell you just so you'll get out of my face kind of thing... So the problem is if you already have low self-esteem and you're approaching women who also might feel uncomfortable that some strange guy she's never met before is trying to talk to her now you're both going to be feeling very awkward and you're hanging onto her every body language hoping to God she's at least going to be nice enough to you so that you can at least kind of try talking to her but you're going to choke the minute you see she doesn't seem to be into you what so ever
    This is also what is called being outcome dependent.
    But it's also easier said than done to say well just shrug it off and go to the next girl. And that's why guys like me fear going up to random strangers and try talking to them because we really have no idea what to even say to make it look natural like you're not trying to pick her up in a shopping mall.

    WP

  3. #13
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    And really the odds are stacked against you because most women go to shopping malls to "shop" not get approached by some stranger she's never met before...
    While they may not go to the mall thinking "gee I hope someone approaches me today" they are certainly open to meeting cool guys. So you're completely and wholly false there.

    And let's be honest and realistic unless you're a guy who's really outgoing who knows how to talk to girls and be very smooth and natural about it you're going to choke the minute she looks at you like who the hell are you and why are you even talking to me??
    Thats the point of practicing. What are you waiting for, to one day magically wake up and be perfect? You have to go through that initially stages of fucking it up a bunch, having it seem awkward, etc.

    If you're not willing to have that happen then giving up and forgetting about this is the best option for you.

    guys like me
    Drop that mentality. You're not a special snowflake and you shouldn't cling to a particular identity of being a guy who's got a particular struggle in this. Everyone who got good has been a "guy like you" at some point.

    So rather than "being a guy like me" you should be asking are you willing to be a "guy like them" and put in what is required to change for the better.
    Vox - Love Systems Instructor
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    NEW WEBSITE LAUNCH 2016 - www.datingcoachvox.com

    FOLLOW ME: Twitter / Facebook

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vox View Post
    While they may not go to the mall thinking "gee I hope someone approaches me today" they are certainly open to meeting cool guys. So you're completely and wholly false there.

    That's not true for all women. Yes you can run into a girl or a few girls who are approachable and friendly enough to engage in a conversation, but the 8,'s 9,'s and 10's either usually have boy friends with them, or have this very stuck up look on there faces and I have approached women like this who right away have attitude and a some what standoffish personality way about them.

    The fact is, its a numbers game. When I say guys like me, the harsh reality is, a guy like me who's 44 years old, 5'8 at best, average looking at best walking up to two stunning 20 some year old models is more then likly going to get rejected simply because these women have options. That and the fact you see so many of these young stunners with guys who look like basket ball players there so tall. Or guys who are GQ in looks.

    Take a guy "like me" who doesn't fit the bill who has never in his life had any success and yea, giving up seemes to be my only option. It's a lot harder then your short, in your mid 40's, most attractive younger women have steady tall, above average looking boy friends. The reality is, these women may talk to you just to be polite but no intrest at all. So when the odds are that stacked against you, to save what little self esteem you have, you ask your self is it even worth it?

    Wp



    Thats the point of practicing. What are you waiting for, to one day magically wake up and be perfect? You have to go through that initially stages of fucking it up a bunch, having it seem awkward, etc.

    If you're not willing to have that happen then giving up and forgetting about this is the best option for you.



    Drop that mentality. You're not a special snowflake and you shouldn't cling to a particular identity of being a guy who's got a particular struggle in this. Everyone who got good has been a "guy like you" at some point.

    So rather than "being a guy like me" you should be asking are you willing to be a "guy like them" and put in what is required to change for the better.

  5. #15
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    So, 7 years on the forum, and you still can't use the quote function. It's not the first time. Maybe that's the reason you're having problems learning game. No seriously, I'm not flaming you, but if you keep making the simplest mistakes, without even realizing it, how are you going to learn game? You need 1on1 hands-on coaching, for a long time, with someone specializing in inner game issues. Maybe you're gonna need a non-game coach or therapist for that part.

    I believe this is what you wanted to say:

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    That's not true for all women. Yes you can run into a girl or a few girls who are approachable and friendly enough to engage in a conversation, but the 8,'s 9,'s and 10's either usually have boy friends with them, or have this very stuck up look on there faces and I have approached women like this who right away have attitude and a some what standoffish personality way about them.

    The fact is, its a numbers game. When I say guys like me, the harsh reality is, a guy like me who's 44 years old, 5'8 at best, average looking at best walking up to two stunning 20 some year old models is more then likly going to get rejected simply because these women have options. That and the fact you see so many of these young stunners with guys who look like basket ball players there so tall. Or guys who are GQ in looks.

    Take a guy "like me" who doesn't fit the bill who has never in his life had any success and yea, giving up seemes to be my only option. It's a lot harder then your short, in your mid 40's, most attractive younger women have steady tall, above average looking boy friends. The reality is, these women may talk to you just to be polite but no intrest at all. So when the odds are that stacked against you, to save what little self esteem you have, you ask your self is it even worth it?
    And 7 years later you still have the same negative beliefs and now you lecture an instructor about how the world is.

    Stop whining or get off the forums, we're done enabling your victim mentality. Grab your balls and man up or keep being alone and miserable.

    Read this http://www.theattractionforums.com/f...our-roles.html

  6. #16
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    Got news for you. I haven't been on this form for seven straight years. I come on this form when I feel like it that hasn't been seven full years, year after year. And by the way you sound like a broken record yourself the minute somebody expresses their feelings you jump all over them and call them negative and tell them to get off the forums. Or maybe what you're really afraid of is I'm telling the truth and other people can relate to what I'm saying and you're going to lose out on a Boot Camp sale.



    Wp




    Quote Originally Posted by Hurley View Post
    So, 7 years on the forum, and you still can't use the quote function. It's not the first time. Maybe that's the reason you're having problems learning game. No seriously, I'm not flaming you, but if you keep making the simplest mistakes, without even realizing it, how are you going to learn game? You need 1on1 hands-on coaching, for a long time, with someone specializing in inner game issues. Maybe you're gonna need a non-game coach or therapist for that part.

    I believe this is what you wanted to say:

    And 7 years later you still have the same negative beliefs and now you lecture an instructor about how the world is.

    Stop whining or get off the forums, we're done enabling your victim mentality. Grab your balls and man up or keep being alone and miserable.

    Read this http://www.theattractionforums.com/f...our-roles.html

  7. #17
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    Well, you found this forum 7 years ago, assumingly because you wanted to get good with women. In your very first thread you started lecturing people about what doesn't work, and why your situation is special, and how you are not good looking. Literally first thread.

    I am sure a lot of people can relate to your limiting beliefs. And that's the problem, because if they are influenced by you, you're enabling their limiting beliefs, robbing them of the opportunity to get good.

    But you don't care about that, do you. You would rather drag some other people down to your level, to not feel alone in your misery, than you would like to improve your life.

    You are like a living, walking version of the former pua hate forum and it's getting tiresome

    Btw, do you think I work for Love Systems?

  8. #18
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    Wolfpack I wouldn't worry about how they come at ya even if it sounds harsh, but they have some good advice and we are here to help. Sure it is no bs straight to the point, but it is true. The only way to debunk everything you said is to go out and practice. The mall is my play ground, even though in a recent post I think I got banned from Forever 21

    I am a 32 yr old overweight black guy that still lives with his parents, I do tech support (not rich), I watch hentai, japanese cartoon porn, don't judge me it is a art form quoted Dean Winchester from Supernatural, lol. I am more attracted to white women, latin women, asian women. Which some times due to inner game issues I think they don't like black men.

    I read Vox's article on day game and decided to give it a try so I went out and a lot of inner game stuff came to my head when I saw a lot of pretty women. Before I started I also got the audio on inner game by Braddock from the Super Conference and it was really helpful. Was able to approach 3 white HBs and they were really nice and told me I was sweet for saying that. Right now my goal is to approach and transition, not going for the number pull or date setup yet. I want to be comfortable with the approach first. Ever since I started going to the mall and approaching and going up to girls or female clerks telling them they look gorgeous, pretty, cute, or adorable. I have never gotten slapped, called a cartoon porn love perv, or any of the fears that prevented me from approaching. I get a lot of good responses because since I go out to have fun with this, I think that is why none of the negative stuff has happened... yet or I am in the zone I don't remember.

    Now when I go to the mall or before I go. I warm up. I would converse with people on the way or talk to the clerks which are paid to be nice to you to get their business, which I got from that inner game audio from the Super Conference dvd. Then get into the approach habit and go into the stores and approach a HB. Still need to get into transitioning and conversation with them, but it is awesome getting that reply back from them like you lite up their day. Also, I have been noticing I think women are wanting to get picked up during the day. Hell I came across a lot of women wearing short shorts that show their ass cheeks and if they bend over you get a beaver shot like from Fatal Attraction. You tell me you think a girl not wanting to be picked up or hit on would wear things to the mall tempting men?

    All and all if anything is holding you back from meeting good quality women due to inner game. Don't worry bro, everyone has been there and there are a lot people here to help. You could watch a video on youtube. Hootie has a miami day game which is good. Read articles on approach anxiety and put it to practice here is one I found which is cool from r/ seduction reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/c...om_of_extreme/

    Purchase a book on daytime dating from here and give it a try. If inner game is hurting you can purchase a audio on it, some of the instructors have good articles on it youtube vids or writing articles.

    Purchase a bootcamp where you get people that can show and help you get to the level you want and if you are not satisfied you can get your money back, which is pretty cool. If you think you waste the money you can get it back, but you might be satisfied with the knowledge, advice, and help it offers.

    Find a wing that can push you into practicing during the night and day. Once you get that one good interaction and don't give up after a few blow outs or rejections and just have fun meeting women. You will notice that big boost to confidence and inner game.

    I still get that approach anxiety, hell I went to a bar last night even though it was dead. There was 2 HBs and no one, even people that are better looking, in shape, and other better qualities than me that I can't think of. They never approached them.

    Still working on it, but I know to help curb it I need to go out and practice and just have fun with this.

  9. #19
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    giving up seemes to be my only option.
    Oh well, that's probably best then for you to be honest.
    Vox - Love Systems Instructor
    -------------------------------------------------

    NEW WEBSITE LAUNCH 2016 - www.datingcoachvox.com

    FOLLOW ME: Twitter / Facebook

  10. #20
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    Wow you must get laid a lot hanging around advice forms all the time... It seems the very few times I've been on here it's always you who comes on here flaming me for posting anything reminding me how many years I've been on here...

    Ok... Put yourself in my shoes. You try hard to work on your looks with what you have to work with. You're on the road all week from Tuesday till Saturday then you get Sunday Monday off. You come back to the city were you know pretty much nobody and you have no friends at all because they're all on the road truck driving or they're married or you wouldn't want to hang around with them anyway because they're even bigger losers than you are.

    You go to your favourite restaurant lounge just a notice that sure a lot of beautiful people dating each other no average below average looking guys with these hot girls. And you wonder why you have these inner game issues. Two weekends ago I was at this restaurant and this Hooters girl who I recognized young little tight 18-year-old walks in with her tall 6 foot five masculine boyfriend who looks just like Pharrell Williams... And in the town I live in you see a lot of that. Beautiful people dating beautiful people. Or anybody who's younger and attractive has some steady boyfriend.

    Just yesterday I walk into a gas station and here's another young attractive girl with her good-looking boyfriend who is in comparison to Paul walker. Gee, so why am I so negative and have such negative beliefs. Maybe because everywhere I go it's constantly in my face that this is what I see on a regular basis. I joined eHarmony must've messaged over 230 women never heard back from one other then a girl using fake photos who tried to scam me for $1000 bucks... I was on tinder for three months never heard back from one person yet my buddy is also a good looking can go on their message some girl, say hey what's up and within minutes she replies back to him... But I can't imagine why have so much doubt myself... And for the record I'm not trying to bring anybody down or tell anybody to give up but I am talking reality whether you PUA guys want to admit it or not!

    Now I will admit that there have been some very cute attractive girls who definitely made serious eye contact with me in the shopping malls and yeah I choked and just kept walking and that is something I need to work on. When you're a sensitive guy like me and believe me I didn't ask for this this, this was handed down to me by my fucking biological parents and you've been hurt too many times in your life it is much harder to want to stay in the game especially when the odds are stacked against you.

    So I'm sorry for being so negative and bringing everybody down. All doing is telling my story that's it.

    Wp




    Quote Originally Posted by Hurley View Post
    Well, you found this forum 7 years ago, assumingly because you wanted to get good with women. In your very first thread you started lecturing people about what doesn't work, and why your situation is special, and how you are not good looking. Literally first thread.

    I am sure a lot of people can relate to your limiting beliefs. And that's the problem, because if they are influenced by you, you're enabling their limiting beliefs, robbing them of the opportunity to get good.

    But you don't care about that, do you. You would rather drag some other people down to your level, to not feel alone in your misery, than you would like to improve your life.

    You are like a living, walking version of the former pua hate forum and it's getting tiresome

    Btw, do you think I work for Love Systems?

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