looking to move up in my social circle with anxiety/depression

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    australia
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    looking to move up in my social circle with anxiety/depression

    Looking for tips on enhancing my social circle. I work in a nightclub its fun everyone flirts and there are hot chicks everywhere. Im part of a social circle of friends in the club scene and looking to strengthen my connections and bring my self more from the outter edge to being the guy all the chicks introduce thier hot friends to.

    My main hangups so far have been 1. I am friendly/flirty with a couple of the girls, tease them joke etc. but the feeling they think of me quite superficially, when i try to talk to them about more friend related things, like whats going on with them, they kinda brush me off.

    and 2. one of the girls who qas quite flirty with everyone and i thought I was getting along with really well, kinda turned in a mega bitch towards me (tried to play it off like it wasnt anything but kept it up) till I eventually called her out on it (probably not the right move but i did try and do it in a playful way). now (like a week later) there is a weird vibe and she is really reserved around everybody, not just me and definatly not like her normal self. (P.S. she was getting kinda distant before she turned super bitch, like taking forever to reply to my messages, short replys etc. I tried to give her space thinking maybe I had shown too much interest or something. prehaps I didnt give space soon enough or I was meant to do something else im not sure)

    and like the title says I have anxiety and depression, its getting treated but its not going anywhere anytime soon and im sick of waiting to live my life, i just want it to be good now. So that may have a influence on my subcommunications in the group? any tips or anything are greatly appreciated



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
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    Anxiety and depression will influence your sub communications a lot. How to deal with that is probably something you should talk about with your doctor or some experts in that field, it's not a game thing.

    I absolutely understand that you "just want to be good now". It's a natural reaction to want bad things to go away and good things to happen quickly. Of course life is a bit more complex than that. The implication of wanting to be good now and really wanting to expand your social circle is that, well, you by definition want something from people. When people sense you want something from then, then they'll resist.

    There are some things you can do to counter this. First thing is being aware that this is the way things are, and then there's a small element of "fake it 'til you make it" where you must take care not to behave clingy. Look at how and how often you contact people etc etc. This is something game can help you with, it's the same as dealing with lack of abundance in dating.

    Second and more long-term thing is you can do it making sure you fill your life with activities. Keeping yourself busy is the best way to avoid pushing people away, and it's the best way to meet new people. Volunteering (social volunteering or in on the cultural scene) or taking up a new sport of hobby are great ways to expand your social circle.

    Last suggestion from me, don't overtly "call" people on thing unless they're very close to you. That's not how you enforce boundaries with people unless you know them really well. It's better to simply avoid people like that, or if you have to work with them, only briefly mention that you don't appreciate the way they're acting.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Gender:
    Location
    australia
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    34
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    145

    Thanks man this all sounds like really good advice

    Especially this part:
    Quote Originally Posted by Hrang View Post
    Last suggestion from me, don't overtly "call" people on thing unless they're very close to you. That's not how you enforce boundaries with people unless you know them really well. It's better to simply avoid people like that, or if you have to work with them, only briefly mention that you don't appreciate the way they're acting.
    Boundaries are something I dont really know how to enforce properley, to me it sounds like im just supposed to cut people out of my life.. where is the part where they realize they should respect my boundaries and start doing that? do i need to have attraction built first? and does that mean you have to build attraction with EVERYONE you meet just so they will respect your boundaries?

  4. I suffer from depression with a little bit of anxiety and I can tell you one thing: look up cognitive behaviorial therapy. It's a game changer in self-esteem(which isn't that big of a deal with; what's more important imo is self-control). You do the sessions by yourself on a piece of paper or something that let's you write things down. Most sessions for me are 40+ minutes, but you can get them down to less, depending on how much you want to write. At the end of the session, you can feel your self esteem rise. It's pretty awesome stuff.

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