How to be a great wingman

Most women don’t go out alone. So, that cutie you want to meet, you’re going to have to deal with her friends too. You can do this by yourself, but it’s much, much easier with a friend who is your “wingman”. Besides, there are things your wingman can do to help your game than you can’t do yourself!

Wingman Rule #1 – If you approach, you pick the girl

Whomever approaches, chooses – the most important rule for how to be a great wingman. If your friend starts talking to a couple of women and you join them, make sure you don’t interfere with the woman he’s interested in.

Using this rule solves the “I saw her first” problem. Instead of arguing about glances and eye contact (and sabotaging both of your chances), you’ll both be encouraged to approach more women. Everyone wins.

Wingman Rule #2 – Your friend is always cool

Women make a lot of judgments about you before you even open your mouth. They look at how you dress, your body language, who you’re out with, and, of course, how you treat other people and how they treat you, and so on.

If you and your friends treat each other with respect, she’ll think you have quality people in your life who respect you, and she’ll be more attracted. But if you blow off or disrespect your friend for some girl you met 10 minutes ago, she’ll be less attracted – because you’ve just told her that you’re desperate, or that you’re a loser who has to hang out with people you don’t even respect.

Wingman Rule #3 – Under-the-radar compliments

You have all these great qualities that you want her to know. But if you just blurt them out, she’ll think you’re insecure or insincere.

There are a lot of Love Systems techniques for getting around this – embedded storytelling, teasing, role-plays, etc. One of the best is to just have your wingman say whatever you’d want to but can’t. After all, you guys are friends and are supposed to like and respect each other.

Have this go down when you’re in the bathroom or away from the conversation. Or, even better – have him say his piece just to a friend of the woman you’re flirting with. They’ll all trade notes eventually, and the woman you like will see you in an even better light based on what she “discovered” about you.

Wingman Rule #4 – Act like they’re already a couple

People take a lot of social cues from those around them, often without realizing it. So if your wingman acts like you and the woman you’re flirting with are already a couple, she and her friends are more likely to feel you two are together. E.g., he can talk about how good you two look together or can treat the two of you as a single social unit (“I’m having a party on Friday, you should come, and I’ll invite Nick and Lisa too”).

Wingman Rule #5 – The Golden Rule

No, not “do unto others…” though that could also apply. I’m thinking more along the lines of the Hippocratic Oath: First, do no harm.

One place where guys mess this up is in not doing the math. For example, your friend is talking to three women. Being a good wingman, you act enthused to see him, give him his props, and avoid interfering with the woman he seems most into. When you see an opportunity, you leave with one of her friends. Great wingman night, right?
Wrong. Before you came along, your friend could have taken “his” girl elsewhere, leaving her two friends to talk to each other. Now he can’t (without leaving her friend alone, which women generally don’t want to do).

Remembering the golden rule helps avoid these (and other) situations.


For more information on group/wing techniques, there's a chapter in Magic Bullets that I'm particularly proud of, and there's also this audio tutorial on being a wingman.