Talking about STDS BEFORE the f close

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  1. #1
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    Talking about STDS BEFORE the f close

    subject: Talking about STDS BEFORE the f close


    Hi everybody.
    just got back in the game and i have a date tonite. according to these forums, i am taking her food shopping then back to my place to cook. here is the issue:

    she's 30 and im 29. im VERY PARANOID about stds...

    so lets imagine a scenario:
    i get her into my room, light some candles, start making out.. fingering her.. (hands are OK)..

    me: "lets slow things down. before we go further i want to be straight up with you. i want to know more about you, how many relationships you've been with."
    her: "ivebeen in 5 relatioships..:
    me: "well, i've been in a 3 serious relationships. i've just gotten out of a LTR of 3 years [true], and i've slept with only 5 girls. all of those girls were either virgins, or had 1 or 2 other bf's before me. as i said, i'm a health nut and im very careful. Also my persona attracts taht type of girl.. jewish doctor that girls can't wait to bring home to mom. what about you?"

    her: "we'll ive slept with 10 guys"
    me: ok.. are you HEALTHY?

    [ IS THIS LINE??? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY... PLEASE HELP!! date suppose to happen in 5 hours...]

    thanks
    stealth



  2. #2
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    Re: Talking about STDS BEFORE the f close

    Who cares about how many men she has been with. You care about STDs. Here is the thing, she could lie... So the talk is useless then. She also might not know what she has... Again it's useless to bring it up. If you are going to bring it up then be more direct. "I want to be safe, do you have anything I need to worry about?"

    Good luck.

    Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2

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    Stop being paranoid. Syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia can be cured with antibiotics, and the HIV can be cured with tetrasilver tetraoxide. Herpes is the only permanent one, possibly HPV (not sure). Stop making excuses, you're sabotaging yourself while you have a willing female in your lap. Bring up STDs and past relationships at some other time- doing that in your bedroom will simply kill the mood.

  4. #4
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    You can't have that talk before the first time! Use a condom and when you are getting serious you can easily have a talk about getting off condoms and slip the STD issue in that conversation.

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    Talking about STDS BEFORE the f close

    Wtf. Super confusing. Before I do it I want the convo. Like. If she has warts or something I want to know before I stick it in! That way I don't get it!!

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    if your that worried about it, just be straight up with her.

    however

    be prepared that she gets offended and you never get laid.

  7. #7
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    The only reasonably sure way of doing this is to visually inspect her pussy for signs and symptoms AND use a condom.

    If you can hold off having sex and start a real connection first, then go down the sexual health clinic and get tested together.

    And as yet HIV cannot be cured by ANYTHING, not tetrasilver tetraoxide, nothing. The day this happens you will know about it. However, people can live with it these days and have a normal lifespan because a) the virus has evolved to be less fatal and b) drugs have improved.

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    It's a hard go man she might have hpv and not know it even if you use a dom , all it takes is that one person just luck of the draw I guess as a doctor you should be aswering this question but from experiance this and sti are very common be carefull.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Birthday View Post
    And as yet HIV cannot be cured by ANYTHING, not tetrasilver tetraoxide, nothing.
    U.S. Patent # 5676977. FDA won't approve it because during treatment it causes hepatomegaly, which subsides after treatment is completed.

    Of course we all know the reason it won't be approved is because the pharm industry makes 40k a year off of the current cocktail (which doesn't cure anything) per patient, while Ag4O4 can be made by college chem students.

    Officially, however, HIV is marketed as incurable and as such you should assume it to be so in accordance with professional medical advice and federal, state, and local bodies of government. Yes, that was a disclaimer.

  10. #10
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    It isn't a cure just because the 'invention' is patented!

    You've fallen for internet quackery!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Birthday View Post
    It isn't a cure just because the 'invention' is patented!

    You've fallen for internet quackery!
    The doctor tested it, which is how they know that it causes a temporary swelling of the liver.

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    I'm like you TC. Best line is "I'm clean how 'bout you?" Ask it very non-accusatory too, and either escalate like the question was never asked or run out the fucking door.

  13. #13
    raymunds02 Guest

    need to be careful

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    I stumbled upon this website randomly....I read this and some of the responses made me cringe...So, here's a female perspective (mine anyway)

    If a guy wanted to discuss cleanliness and stds before sex, it would be a very good sign that he cares. It would certainly not offend me. A few minutes of awkwardness is way better than some crappy and potentially seriously dangerous disease. A note on hpv- many women have it and many women have health problems from it. It's selfish to say it doesn't effect guys and not give it another thought.

    Ask. Pay attention to their reaction. Be safe.

  15. #15
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    You say you've been with 5 women sexually. Well, how did you manage to bring it up with THOSE women?

    I know you said they were all either virgins, or only had 1 or 2 bf's before you (which means nothing, btw) but you still had to have the talk, right?

    Or did you just assume that because the girl said she'd only had two serious relationships before you, that she was automatically clean? How did this go?

    Also, having one or two serious boyfriends is NOT the same as having one or two SEX partners. Hate to be the one to tell ya, but there's always that guy from the bar, or the ex boyfriend she was still fucking five months after the breakup (WHILE he was sexing other girls, which puts her at risk) or a "friend with benefits" somewhere in the mix.

    If you're as paranoid as you say, her "word" won't be good enough. You'd need proof, such as test results.
    If you're NOT as paranoid as you say, why ask AT ALL?

    9 out of 10 women aren't likely to say "Oh, I'm glad you brought it up. I've had herpes & genital warts for a while now. I wasn't gonna mention it, but since you asked, I figured why not?"

    No, dude. It doesn't usually work that way.

    My advice: Stay protected, or have the same talk you had with your previous sex partners that put your worries to rest.

    But always remember: Her previous number of boyfriends or sexual partners means NOTHING!

    I know girls who've been with 100 guys and are still clean. (Even some who DIDN'T use condoms.) Whereas others have been with less than a handful and got burned. It's all about the luck of the draw, not how MANY you draw. Just be careful. A talk might make you feel more at ease (and if it does, go for it), but it's not foolproof.

    Lastly, if you still want to know HOW to ask her, without making things awkward, I'll tell you:

    You've played the whole "Let's ask each other questions" game right? (I ask you somethin, you ask me, we must be honest, etc.) Start off with regular questions. Go back & forth, getting more personal as the game goes on. Make "Have you ever had an STD?" one of the many questions you ask like it's NO BIG DEAL. (Throw it in the middle somewhere.) When she answers, don't miss a beat. Just continue with the game. That way, you have your answer, you feel better, and you can relax. Just remember, she could be lying, OR simply NOT KNOW about her STD status. That's why I say this convo isn't a perfect solution. But if it helps you, that's the way to ask.

  16. #16
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    If a girl had a significant STD, it's her body, so you'd think she would know about it. In that case, if she's a responsible person, she will tell you about it without needing to be asked. If she's not a responsible person (or she's drunk or high or something) and she just wants to get laid, she won't tell you about it even if you do ask. So I don't see how having a convo her about this is going to help. Anyhow, hopefully a girl who knows she has a major STD is not likely to be banging guys unless she's psycho.

    If the girl has an STD and doesn't know it - this is the most likely scenario for the more minor STDs like warts or chlamydia, though also possible for HIV, there may be no noticeable symptoms - then asking her about it will not give you any help at all. It will, if anything, give you a false sense of comfort.

    If the girl doesn't have an STD, then I think the conversation is kind of offensive. It suggests you are weird or perhaps you have had experience of STDs in the past otherwise why would you be asking about it. Alternatively, maybe suggests inexperience on the part of the man.

    I simply cannot imagine a conversation which goes like this:
    Me: Hey HB, I like you and all but just before we get laid, tell me do you have any STDs? I like to be safe.
    Her: Oh yes, I was going to tell you, I have this genital wart right here ... so maybe I should just give you a blowjob, you know, to be safe and all.

    Best approach is to inform yourself about STDs, which ones can be cured easily and which ones are incurable, how they are transmitted, and which ones condoms give you full protection from, also what the visible symptoms are to look out for.

    I believe the commonest STDs are:
    1. Genital warts (HPV) - between 1 in 10 and 1 in 2 sexually active adults will have these, maybe less for teenagers who've had the vaccine
    2. Trichomoniasis - it's not too dangerous but it makes that 'fishy smell'
    3. Chlamydia

    The others are more scary, but much much rarer.

    This article is also interesting reading:
    Brazilian Bikini Waxes Make Crab Lice Endangered Species - Bloomberg

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    Quote Originally Posted by Headman View Post
    If
    If the girl has an STD and doesn't know it - this is the most likely scenario for the more minor STDs like warts or chlamydia, though also possible for HIV, there may be no noticeable symptoms - then asking her about it will not give you any help at all. It will, if anything, give you a false sense of comfort.

    I simply cannot imagine a conversation which goes like this:
    Me: Hey HB, I like you and all but just before we get laid, tell me do you have any STDs? I like to be safe.
    Her: Oh yes, I was going to tell you, I have this genital wart right here ... so maybe I should just give you a blowjob, you know, to be safe and all.


    Best approach is to inform yourself about STDs, which ones can be cured easily and which ones are incurable, how they are transmitted, and which ones condoms give you full protection from, also what the visible symptoms are to look out for.
    Exactly my point in bold.

  18. #18
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    Either put your bathing suit on and jump in the pool, or take the time to bring a little sceince into it and get the professionals with the thermometer to check the temperature first.

  19. #19
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    Honestly STDs is a very serious matter and if your just honest and polite about it just ask her up front. Better to be safe than sorry! Also wear a condom...

  20. #20
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    This forum is not the place to give out medical advice. If anyone wants to learn more about which STDs are treatable or not, see your doctor.

    Having said that, the conversation you described would end in you not getting laid. You DO NOT ask a woman how many guys she's been with on the first date, and it doesn't matter. You can be with one guy and get an STD, or be with 30 and still be clean. Birthday's line is probably the best if you HAVE to bring it up, but in these cases it's easier to do a visual check and use a condom (have extra just in case, make sure they're not expired). There is always a risk involved, but sex is like driving. You can minimize the risk by driving safely, but it will always be there unless you abstain from driving altogether.

    Rogue
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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    If this is important to you, you should always have this conversation outside the bedroom. No point in having it 5 mins before you're to have sex. So, get your shit together and ask her about it in advance. If you think you can f close that same night, have it over drinks and after 1 or 2nd drink. The conversation is perfectly normal to have so be as chill about it as possible. Make a statement that safe sex is very important to you and then ask when she last got tested. Polyamorous community has a lot of great resources on this topic, google around.

    How many rel she's been in gives you no info and it doesn't matter. Could be zero relationships and 50 one night stands. Also, could be only 1 partner who had HPV and here we are. Most important question is when she last got tested.

    She could lie, like someone said and you should know that no sex is safe sex, but different people are comfortable with different levels of risk. If you want to be extra careful, maybe one night stands are not what you should be looking for.

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    Yeah that's an easy way to lose her interest. Just if you do anything wear a condom and if you want to be really safe, get to know her better and hold off.

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    Its the wrong time to bring that up just as you are getting in to the mood. Wrap it up always.
    Better to have that talk after first time sex. Or if you really must talk about it, do it before the time you meet for f-close, or in a different setting e.g. not in the bedroom.

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