F-closed, now onto relationship management...how?

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Gender:
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    Worcester, UK
    Age
    30
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    268

    F-closed, now onto relationship management...how?

    I've been dating a girl for a couple of weeks, meeting up about 2 times a week. Last night I finally f-closed. It was pretty mind blowing- I knew I already liked the girl so this just reaffirmed it!

    I do like this girl and would like to develop the relationship...continue dating, having a sexual relationship etc. However (as some of you may know) I am just out of a pretty shitty break up and the last thing I want to do is end up back there. I know that if I get too attached to this girl my insecurities will come. I have been making alot of progress in developing my confidence and my general personality over the last month and would like to keep the focus in my life on ME!

    So my question is: how to manage this relationship, so that I don't become too attached too quickly, and so it just stays chilled out for a while!?

    I don't want a really heavey relationship, I just want to chill out and enjoy it. I don't want to rush into it, let it take over my life, and let my insecurities bring me down again.

    Hope this makes sense

    jack



  2. The most important thing is to take it slowwwwwww. Do not express your feelings for her for at least 2 months. You must be a bit aloof yet always be upbeat. She wants to be wondering as to where you guys stand. It's your job to do this.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Gender:
    Posts
    338

    For every escalation to a new level (e.g. "I love you"), let her go first. Don't hint. That will help with your pacing. Don't answer the phone every time she calls. Skip one out of 3 or 5 or 10 or whatever seems right. Make sure you get off the phone first at least half of the time. Don't return texts faster than she does.

    These aren't things you should always do but they will help you put the brakes on yourself so you don't get too intense and scare her away.

  4. #4

    Hey man. I had a similar situation occur when i first got into this pickup stuff and got real good at game. i took a bootcamp, became a pickup machine and voila i had a girl i REALLY liked in a matter of a month. i wanted a relationship with her but I also didnt want to impede my progress on becoming the type of man i was on the way to becoming (losing insecurities, getting even more success w/ higher quality broads, and basically just working on all of the traits of a true alpha male). Here's how i handled it and it worked out awesome for me


    if you're the type of guy that goes out on pretty regular basis, one of the best things you can do in order to help keep you from getting attached too soon is continuing to actively pick up girls when you are out. if you want to hook up with these girls or not, it's up to you (i personally did ) - just be careful your girl doesn't find out (this usually isn't that hard because most of what you do in a bar / public area is conversational style communication anyway) so even if one of her friends did see you gaming, you could always just say you were being friendly and social then turn it around on her for being out of line for being over jealous. - this is a jealously plotline by the way and great for increasing attraction

    However that's not the point. The point is to keep practicing to better yourself and to continue accruing other new women in your life that you are texting / calling/ hanging out with. This will help for several reasons:
    - reinforces the abundance mentality because you know you have options and will be less likely to get needy and feel too attached with the girl you like
    - because you have other women in your life it will keep you from texting / calling her too often thus destroying her attraction for you
    - keeps her on the chase
    - it's fun!

  5. Jack...

    You're in a situation everyone gets into. I know its hard not to jump right, especially when you like her and the sex is great. If I were you I would play aloof for a little bit. Don't answer every text and make up some excuse why you can't hang out.

    That doesn't mean blow her off. Obviously you like this girl and you want to build a relationship with her. Try to keep it casual for the next few weeks. Meet for a coffee, a quick drink things like that. And of course f-close her when you do hang so you keep that feeling fresh in her head.

    The one thing that I notice about guys is that as they love to spend every waking moment with their new girls. That is a recipe for disaster. Once a week my man, maybe twice. Keep it new and exciting. Let the relationship build. And if it fizzles out after a few weeks you won't be attached and you have some pretty good experience and some mind blowing sex under your belt.

    Building relationships are never easy. It takes time. The most important part to remember is in this first stage, these next few weeks, you are single. Game on buddy. Keep it pumping and keep every option open After a few weeks, if you and this girl are still hanging and its still exciting start hang three times a week. Slowly make that commitment and build from there.

    Good luck and god speed

    Matchbox

  6. #6

    The fact you're asking the question is a good sign you're letting logical thinking kick in and want to take time building it is good. You're letting things happen at a steady pace, and over time that past relationship and fallout is going to be forgotten, as long as you're moving on from it.

    It sounds like you want some affirmations that you're on the right path.

    You're on the right path.

    You're thinking about it the right way. You know what you want to avoid doing.

    The one thing I will say is that you have to put the past relationship behind you, which you might still be working on. Once you've done that, then you can be sure about being in a LTR with the girl you're with right now, because it's going to take time. This is a time of transition, moving on from the old, and moving on to the new. The girl right now is a nice distraction, but the feelings for the ex have to be dealt with before being in a relationship with anyone.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Gender:
    Location
    Worcester, UK
    Age
    30
    Posts
    268

    Thanks for all your advice here guys...v useful.

    J

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