Homesickness affecting my inner game

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  1. #1
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    Homesickness affecting my inner game

    It's been over a year in Brazil now and I know I don't want to go back to the UK for a while yet(not unless I'm forced too), but yeah, I have to admit I think i'm suffering from a touch of homesickness. I had a few little spells already but they seemed to pass easy enough, this time it seems a bit deeper...

    Its just down to me to tough it out, but any game related thoughts on this people? I don't tell any girl i'm interested in about this, but they tend to ask at some point when i just play it down but say of course i miss my family and friends etc. How could I frame it in the most positive way?



  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brazilgeezer View Post
    It's been over a year in Brazil now and I know I don't want to go back to the UK for a while yet(not unless I'm forced too), but yeah, I have to admit I think i'm suffering from a touch of homesickness. I had a few little spells already but they seemed to pass easy enough, this time it seems a bit deeper...

    Its just down to me to tough it out, but any game related thoughts on this people? I don't tell any girl i'm interested in about this, but they tend to ask at some point when i just play it down but say of course i miss my family and friends etc. How could I frame it in the most positive way?

    I've been in the basque country for the past year now, away from home. Shit gets pretty dark sometimes and it definitely affects my attitude towards gaming. The best thing I can recommend is to find an outlet; you need to occupy your mind with some sort of hobby or activity (besides pickup) that you are passionate about.

    I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I wrote this a couple weeks ago when I was feeling particularly homesick. I hope you can relate to it.

    Feeling Like a Stranger in a Strange Land

    So living across an ocean away from family, friends, home and all the other things I loved about that place can be a bit hard sometimes. I was pretty social f'd up back home though, so I'm not going to try to make a contrast.

    I came to this foreign land at the beginning of the year and my plan was to stay until christmas. Despite many instances where I have felt opposed to this decision, I'm following through with the plan. One of these instances occurred in early September. One day I was crying because I just felt so repulsed to pass another few months in this dreadful place, so I decided to drink a bottle of champagne my landlord had given me. I got drunk and then called two girls who I thought I had a good connection with in order to tell them I was leaving. Neither of them answered their phone (one being my teacher from the spring who has completely ex-communicated me for an unknown reason after multiple attempts at trying to put myself in contact with her again.)

    This was the usual B.S. I've grown accustomed to dealing with. Meet someone, start a relationship, then find out later that they don't give a S**t about me. In this particular context I had developed a very close-relationship with my teacher and sometimes in class I felt like we were on the verge of kissing each other. I felt like she really appreciated who I was, what I was studying, and did a great job of expressing interest in me. In short, I had a crush on a woman like I've never had before. So after this, and also after meeting many other people who have displayed interest and openness towards me; after making and then losing so many friends, I was really thinking about calling it quits and heading back home because a person can only take so much!

    Realizing I would probably never come back here again, I decided to stay, start working on my social skills and get into the world of pickup that I briefly entered last year and very quickly left because of fear. Since then I've approached more girls than I had previously approached in my entire life. There is NO doubt about that.

    You see, I had finally hit bottom. I had finally grown so tired of my inability, my inactivity, and all the failed attempts at social acceptance and romance in my life. It was time to make a stance. I set aside a week to read ebooks and lots of stuff about seduction. Then I got my hands on Collection of Confidence by Hypnotica because I really needed a structure for getting me out of the house and into the field. It was time. I didn't even know what CoC was all about. I just told myself, "Ok, I am going to start this challenge, and I will finish it even if it's the last thing I do."

    Well, I just have to say that this challenge launched me waaaaay outside my comfort zone. One step was to approach 20 women/day for one week. I remember waking up on the third day of that step with lead in my stomach. I woke up every morning feeling that way because my body kept trying to tell me that what I was doing was wrong; that what I was doing goes against everything I had grown accustomed to over the years; that what I was doing was unhealthy and far from natural. I felt the pain, but I kept going anyway. After one week I exited a grocery store and then walked passed a cute clerk of a beauty supply shop on the way home. I stopped and then told her in Basque, ďHi, Iíve been doing an exercise this week, and I have had to approach 20 women a day. Youíre the 140th, so thanks for being here!Ē She just gave me a bewildered look and couldnít find a word to say; probably because she couldnít find the desire to. Typical. When youíre foreign youíre already such an anomaly and you already feel like such an outcast it is perhaps easier to not care about making yourself look odd.

    So I went home ecstatic, because I had just completed one of the most challenging things in my life: The third step of Collection of Confidence.

    A couple weeks later I found myself walking around the city dressed in a dress with a girlfriend of mine for two hours mentioning to people things along the lines of:
    -Weíre lesbians. Are you guys ok with that?
    -Do you want to touch my nipple?
    -Youíre almost prettier than me.
    -Hi! Can you help me find something? I think I lost my cunt.

    That was the last step of CoC. I completed it. It rocked! The feeling of accomplishment feels a thousand times better than any drug.

    So, as of now, about one and a half months have passed since I started the Collection of Confidence, and yet, here I am writing this. I am alone. There are no Basque beauties swooning at my feet right now. There is no Spanish mamacita waiting to slide into bed with me tonight. My voice is not the resonating, deep, warm force that I had imagined it to be when approaching women. I am not rock solid, nor am I un-swayed by my emotions when talking to them, and sometimes I notice a complete lack of confidence when I push myself. There is no easy-fix. I am just as much a victim as any guy to the pharmaceutical mentality which haunts the modern world like a profitable spectre, but I persevere. Iím not bashing CoC here because I really do believe it gave me a push in the right direction. Itís a good launching pad from which I now feel more equipped to deal with what is known as ďthe pain period.Ē Nowadays Iím much better at coping with this ďpain,Ē however, I hope to find the most efficient way through it.
    After the Collection of Confidence there was about a week where I didnít really do any field work. I just read a bunch of ebooks until I finally decided I needed to re-start the Stylelife Challenge. I had worked on it at about the same time last year before giving up, so, with that in mind, I started over from the beginning. So far so good. Well, ďgoodĒ isnít really the best word to describe how itís going. This is a complete pain in the ass!
    ---
    This is a very introverted society and there is very little idle-chatter amongst strangers, and people are generally shy. Thereís a whole saying about this part of the world which was popularized by a television show, which, translated to English is roughly: Here you donít F**K! Although this is somewhat of a joke, after living here for a few months I can see why people see the truth in such a statement. On the whole, I donít get a very happy vibe from this society. On the contrary, itís rather cold and dark. They say a personís personality is, among other things, a by-product of the social situation they come from. Iíve thought about this and have really tried my best to make sure that none of this societyís habits rub-off onto me. Just the fact that Iím in a place where saying hello to someone gives me a weird or frightened look 90% of the time is enough to make me want to vomit in this toilet of a society. Aside from its cultural traditions I am repulsed. Noticing this social absence, not having any real friends here, and being on the outside of social circles, I find myself challenged to muster the will inside myself to go out with a radiant, charismatic energy and approach women.
    This is where Iím at right now. Day 9.
    I am under the impression that Iím putting off a needy energy when I approach sometimes because I am alienated from a meaningful social outlet.

  3. #3
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    well you can also see this as a chance - nobody knows you and thus you are indeed free from social pressure and just try out new things :-)

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    Insipidtoast, no probs, seems like we are in a similar boat. I've visited Bilbao before, u anywhere near there? keep trying, Jackher is so right, u can approach and make a complete dick of yourself and no one will ever know!

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    Insipidtoast, no probs, seems like we are in a similar boat. I've visited Bilbao before, u anywhere near there? keep trying, Jackher is so right, u can approach and make a complete dick of yourself and no one will ever know!

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