Mid-Game: A massive, often unspoken, sticking point - Page 2

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  1. The problems outlined in "the beginning" of the Mid-game sounds exactly like my my main problem!

    It's not that I keep getting into that cycle of insecurity and poor inner-game or that I mess whatever flow the girl and I have by reacting badly from the insecurity, but that I still feel it and the CHANCES of screwing it up are higher because I immediately want to try and contact her and thus project an insane amount of neediness (on my own scale). My reflexive course of action is to distract myself and mass text all the other girls of value to prove to myself that I still have options (whether I do or not being irrelevant.

    Quote Originally Posted by icefyre View Post
    There are a few goals of this period:
    Remain interesting
    Keep momentum going in the positive direction
    Avoid neediness
    Avoid jealousy
    Avoid heavy, serious relationship conversations too early
    Be the better guy, in other words, be better than anyone else she is dating.
    Keep interactions light and playful
    That little list contains the cracks that break the dam. Personally, neediness is the main culprit. Icefyre is right, this is a completely under-explored area, and at this point the logistical issues become a greater factor. Real life happens, all members involved have other things to attend to and sometimes all those things lead to situations that are out of your control (person can't stay over because they have a pet to feed, they have odd hours of work, they can't talk as often as you'd like or the rate of calling has decreased dramatically). How do you keep momentum in a positive direction without giving off the needy vibe? Fuck if I know.

    I wish there was a system of how to act in this specific period. The emotions that take over during the "freak-out" part are so strong that I know I can't trust myself to do or say the right things (which is why I immediately go to distracting myself)



  2. #12

    I've read in David Deida: The Way of Superior Man that only the purpose should be the mans passion in life, not a woman. It's a way of masculinity and one should not be ashamed about it. So, finding the purpose should be priority #1, then the rest.

  3. Wow. Fuckin' amazing post. If I had read this earlier, I would not be in the predicament of re-courting my girl.

    All the shit I did wrong:
    -didn't push for exclusiveness or a formal relationship, because I thought that was the woman's job (although we were very much headed there and she's only had one other dude, so I didn't want to spook her).
    -I became always available, almost to the point of neediness. Would go over to her place at 10pm just to read for an hour, sleep in her bed, wake up and go home and change and go to work (what the fuck, dude!!!)
    -I thought becoming an open book would help us grow, but I removed all my mystery
    -I got complacent: didn't hit the gym as much, started having "regular" restaurants and bars instead of trying new things with her

    In my defense on the relation bit, she never hinted at "what are we?" or anything. I was really waiting for that type of cue to say I was interested in a formal relationship.

    Goddamn, if my current pull-away gets her interested (for the 3rd time), I'm going to be a better man and: keep my game tight, hit the gym as hard as I am now, deny her my presence on the semi-regular, and re-establish my mystery (if that's possible). I must add: when I pulled-away after being needy last time, she did come back, and we went deeper into our relationship (her telling her parents about me, her meeting some of my family, sex more regularly, her initiating 50%+ contact, etc.)

    Great post overall. Everything I know I did wrong is right there, and girls don't tell you that shit either. The game doesn't end EVER. The game isn't just how you get a phone number and 3, 4, 10, 20, 50 dates, a formal title, introduction to family members, marriage, kids, etc. The game is forever.

    Can't say enough how great a post this is. The fog of war is lifted and if this soldier gets another shot, she doesn't stand a chance!

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