PDA

View Full Version : Ex-fiance need help



diesel80
02-12-2009, 10:17 AM
Split up with her about 8 months ago ,mutual split up not the best split ,things didnt end well.never talked to her since vice versa her never talked to me. She texts me today looking for old pics of our trips to nascar in phoenix. iam still interested in her ,how should i persue this what to say. Thanks for any help.

Vapor
02-12-2009, 10:29 AM
Give her the pictures, ask her how she's doing, don't be needy.

Once somebody gets engaged to you, you don't have an attraction/comfort/seduction issue, so I don't know how much helpful advice you can get here, especially without a ton of details. Getting somebody back who changes her mind is going to be pretty tough. She would have to believe that whatever the reasons for the split are either resolved or no longer a deal-breaker.

Mation
02-12-2009, 11:10 AM
One thing to remember is that you broke up for a reason.

Is that issue(s) resolved, or are you having selective memory loss where you only remember the good things and push the problems to the background somewhere? Because if you (and she) haven't gotten past the issues that caused the break-up, you'll just be wasting your time and setting yourself up for heartbreak later on down the line.

Something else to think about is the new issues between you. Have you been with other girls since you split? Has she been with other guys? Did you say horrible things to each other in the heat of the break-up that you can't really take back? All of those things will affect your relationship if you decide to try again.

In my opinion, it's usually not worth it, but you have to decide that for yourself. It took me about 5 or 6 break-ups with my ex-wife (2 while we were actually married) before I got that through my head, and to be honest, if she were still alive, I'd probably have a hard time walking away even now. She just had that kind of effect on me.

But it would still be a mistake, and it's my opinion that in that kind of situation, it's best to just let it go. Give her the pictures, be friendly, but don't get twisted up over her again. It's hard to recapture that magic, man.

paperdice
02-18-2009, 03:36 PM
dont be tooo sappy .. just give her the pictures .. tell her that the pictures were really good days and you miss those days ... and tell her how you guys shared many good memories ... and leave it at that ... dont be too needy

nyplaya610
02-18-2009, 06:30 PM
like every1 says.. dont be needy... give her the pictures back and go down the memory lane.. and talk about the pics and how much fun yah had.. if yah had any fun.. be urself...

dagger
02-18-2009, 07:30 PM
send the pics, but i would advise staying away if there are any unresolved painful memories/issues.

i would also advise against trying to get back together, it almost always ends in a mess. most often the reason is because the two have grown apart in each other's absence and are different people in many respects than they were when they were together. this leads to confusion and sometimes insecurity, which brings out the deeper/underlying issues that split you apart in the first place.

send the pics, but move on.

good luck and take care,

nyplaya610
02-18-2009, 07:37 PM
alot of these guys r giving great advice... the best 1 wld be moving on

Siggy
02-18-2009, 07:56 PM
Mation has said most of what I could say - his points are real. Take it from folks who've been there.

My first fiancee was a MESSY break up - you'd think that would be easier. But even after a year I would get random pangs where I would have monkey crawled over broken glass to be back....

Right now I'm divorced after 11 years... on good mutual terms - when she needed advice or a bit of help she'd call me and we'd chat... we both decided after a month of that it was BAD idea as again we both had that selective memory. Now we only communicate by email, but your emotions can seriously mess with you.

It's normal - its NOT what you need - and it will pass.