View Full Version : Don't bring her into your world

02-11-2009, 12:11 AM
Jump into hers and leave yours behind

My personality is a diamond; it's got a thousand different sides but they all sparkle.

It wasn't always that way. My life wasn't always this adventurous. I put some conscious time and effort to cultivate it, but unlike a real diamond, it doesn't take thousands of years. And now I'm happy and content with it.

But…life's full of ironies. I found myself about a 5 months ago, that I had become more and more selective of the girls I met. I've built this pretty badass lifetyle and gone through some adventures and life experiences. And the more time and effort I put into self development, the better of a person I became. And the less girls I met that I felt were on my level.

And then my ego started to creep in. I felt entitled to upgrade: the next girl has to be as amazing or better than the last girl I was with. And then I went from being selective to being judgmental: "This girl's cool but she's not up to my standards. I don't want to bring her into my awesome world."

Where does this lead? To negative land. It almost creeps up on you from the backdoor, doesn't it?

So, I decided to adopt this new mentality: I know my world is awesome. And common lore dictates that you should bring the girl into your world to show her how awesome you are.

Guess what? That's great advice, but sometimes I'm not really feeling the desire to bring her into my world…just yet.

So now I'm all about entering her world and exploring that adventure. And you know what the irony is? When I was in their shoes (didn't have or know how to have a lot of exciting adventures), I was ecstatic when a charismatic guy or gal showed interest in my world.

So 5 months ago, when I was qualifying the girl and getting to know her, I would ask:
"So tell me three things about you that you like or hate unrelated to your looks."

Some girls, usually younger, would say "Oh, I like to have fun, party, and hang out with friends."

I would sarcastically say "Woooow, that's amazing." And then I would say "Pleasure to meet you."

Yea, negativity man. Not cool.

Now, I would say, "You seem like the party girl. I have a lot of side projects so I don't get as much time to party. I'm kinda jealous and a lil mad at you right now."

She's just a party girl? Rock on. I'll step into her world for a bit. Maybe we'll go to some hot parties. Maybe she knows the bouncers and can hook me up. And guess what? Now I've realized that when I subconsciously give that "I'm screening you vibe", two things happen:
1. You get a lot more false positives/negatives (If you're a cool dude, people generally want to please you)
2. You miss out meeting a lot of cool people; most people are bad at managing their first impressions.

If you give people a chance, you'd be surprised at what you may find.

And then, if you feel like it, bring her in and show her a glimpse of your sparkly world. She'll think she hit the jackpot.

02-11-2009, 04:24 PM
I disagree on so many levels but this is your opinion and since it is field tested (I hope) and works for you its all good. :)