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jilian
01-31-2009, 03:19 PM
I've been applying different PUA methods to help me meet boys and its been working pretty well actually... leading me to this dilemma.

I opened this guy at work a two weeks back, have spent a lot of time with him since then and have grown to like a bit, too much for a hook-up.

The problem is that he has a GF that he's been dating for four years, but at the same time he's giving me a lot of IOI's, and I guess being somewhat of an AFChick, I'm not sure how to interpret them and move forward to be the main girl in the picture.

IOI's:

- tons of kino.. handholding, cuddling, an inappropriate touch on the ass or brush against the boobs, etc.
- he has taken me out for dinners, drinks, activity dates like skiing and so on, all on him - I'm sure his bill on my behalf by now is > $500.
- at work, he does a lot of my work for me and keeps switching his projects to he can work on my team
- he brings up the generally issue of sex all the time and jokes about us getting together. I've been slowly escalating the sexual tension that its really reaching a ridiculous point.

He also always asks me whether I am attracted to him or not and I ask him why its such a big deal - to which he answers that he is only interested in friendship and doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable or hurt me if I am looking for more. At the same time I also know that he's been slightly pissed at his gf lately and she doesn't even put out a lot, but no matter how much funner I am, he's still big on the idea of commitment.

What should me game plan be so I can shock the gf out of his system? F-close or keep the sexual tension going for longer?

CoupDeNH
01-31-2009, 03:26 PM
The mixed signals sound like he's trying to create a fuck buddy relationship; are you okay with this?

If you want more, I would wait on the f close and see how things pan out with his girlfriend.

jilian
01-31-2009, 05:38 PM
Yea thats the thing, I'm not okay with a FB relationship.

CoupDeNH
01-31-2009, 05:52 PM
I'd wait. Either he's trying to frame the relationship that way with the "only interested in friendship" bit, or he's trying to make you jump through hoops to prove he should be interested in more than friends.

Either way, wait it out

Top_Gunn
01-31-2009, 05:54 PM
Seems like he just wants to hook up...be the FB. The reason he is saying he just wants to be friends is that he has a gf and doesn't want anything serious. What he is afraid of is that you'll want to be going out and being together often If he does fuck you. You have to let him know indirectly what you want (sex, if that is what you want). IMO as a guy thats what I'd be afraid of cuz girls sometimes get clingy after sex. You can give this impression indirectly by how close you sit or stand, or how needy you sound I'm your tone of voice and pace. Just be aware of that.

FemmeFatale
02-01-2009, 11:19 PM
You wont get anywhere with this guy. You're doing all the chasing. You're not being a challenge. You are opening him and you're gaming him, when it should be the other way around. Men want to do this, they write books about it, they go to forums and write posts about it.... yet here you are, taking the guys role and doing his work for him.. in turn, you're demonstraing much lower value. You may fclose him, but he wont break up with his girlfriend and jump into a relationship with you.

sdnightfly
02-02-2009, 01:26 AM
He might say he plans to leave her and doesn't.

He's going to tell you all of the negatives about her that may not be as bad as he makes it.

Also, relationships and work are landmines. You're giving him mixed signals that you may or may not be interested. He has 4 years invested in the gf (which could be a good sign he's LTR oriented), but if he's going to cheat on her with you, that opens the door to if/when your relationship is in trouble, what's he going to do then?

Being taken out, he is expecting something in return, even if he doesn't say so.

Need to take stock of your values. Do you want to mess around with a guy that's had that much time invested in the LTR and doesn't make the break from her? And if he does say he broke up with her, you need to let time go by so he can prove to you that there's been closure and he did the right thing. As soon as he says it's over with her, don't believe it until all signs are that he is no longer in love with her. He has to leave her because he's no longer in love with her, not because you're a sure thing. Because once you f-close him, there's no turning back and neither of you have any idea how intense his remorse might be, or if he has one-itis for her...and the fact that you STILL have to work with him and see him every day. How important is your job?

I would prob. create some distance between you and him. Don't let him do work for you, treat him as a colleague and keep it professional. When he offers to take you out, don't let him treat you anymore, cut down on the kino. If things do happen, then he needs to know that work is work, and what goes on outside of work stays there, or this will not work, and either you or him will have to leave. Keep in mind that you're making it a sexually charged atmosphere, which I think is as inappropriate as him touching you.

MrTorture
02-02-2009, 10:00 AM
Go to his place and show him your new Bra. It worked for me in a girl I wasn't really interested in. But when she showed me her tits (bra on) I Was like.. "Umm I want to squeeze those" in my head. I had no choice. U gotta show him your asseets some how, be like "Hey look at my new thong" or "Hey look at this."

Trust me. It will tempt him.

Rest is history.

Spoolin
02-02-2009, 12:58 PM
He's trying to get some booty on the side... I can see this from a mile away. If you really like him, my advice would be to let him know that if he ever wants anything more than a freindship with you. It would have to be after his g/f is out of the picture.

lollydama
02-08-2009, 12:13 PM
Never ceases to amaze me - how chicks think we "WANT to chase" seriously- we don't want to chase we don't have a choice, chicks MAKE us chase so you don't feel like sluts- get the frame right, ask this question out right, we have forums because we have had to "learn to chase, yet are told to try to make the girl chase us at the same time, and chicks are sayin the same thing, this is nothing but contradictions. it boils down to who "should be chasing" which there is no logical answer, especially from a womens view.(just kiddin..sort of) if we didn't have to chase, trust me not one guy, especially noob's would be here in the first place, everybody would already be getting laid. because the other side did the chasing? I will never understand when the advise to chicks come they say guys WANT TO CHASE AND LIKE A CHALLENGE, NO THAT IS WRONG_ WE WANT TO GET LAID FAST AND EASY BY HOT CHICKS NO MATTER WHAT WE HAVE TO LEARN TO DO IT. PERIOD. if we walk into a bar and a chick says lets go.. trust me we would be honored, especially if she was hot, as far as sluts go, we only call schicks slust when they stop having sex with us ,..... no matter how it started or how we feel about them. cut us off and you become a slut. its all how you disengage that makes you sluts in our opinion. go ahead ask around- sorry I needed to set up a new account for this post!






You wont get anywhere with this guy. You're doing all the chasing. You're not being a challenge. You are opening him and you're gaming him, when it should be the other way around. Men want to do this, they write books about it, they go to forums and write posts about it.... yet here you are, taking the guys role and doing his work for him.. in turn, you're demonstraing much lower value. You may fclose him, but he wont break up with his girlfriend and jump into a relationship with you.

CMPitts
02-08-2009, 01:40 PM
I opened this guy at work

Don't shit where you eat..

FemmeFatale
02-08-2009, 04:20 PM
Lollydama, if you ask any female if she would like a typical AFC boyfriend (but dont actually label him as an AFC boyfriend).. you know.. a guy who always calls, a guy who tells you he loves you always, a guy who buys you flowers, a guy who never makes you frown, BLA BLA BLA, every single girl will say "YES, dream man!".
But once she gets this "dream man", she gets bored of him very quickly..she might stay with him but she'll never be crazy about him. Its a pretty interesting phenomenon. I call this phenomenon X. Phenomenon X can also be applied to MEN. You say you want an easy girl who'll come up to you and be all "Here i am.. In all my glory, take me home Im yours"...and chances are, YOU WILL take her home. You'll fuck her, especially if shes hot.. BUT EVENTUALLY (be it a month or 2 months), you will get bored and you'll come on here posting about needing space..and feeling confused...Ive seen it on these exact forums.. "Shes an awesome girl.. always there when i need her, attractive..but i dont know.. I just feel like i need to get out there". AHA, the phenomenon X strikes once again.

Im not saying that women should be bitches and always play hard to get, but if a female is the one making the calls, writing the letters, asking him out, trying to create comfort for him.. HE WILL BE FLATTERED AT FIRST but eventually it will demasculate him, it will kill his attraction switches and all will end.

Think back to evolution, everyone on this forum says "WOMEN are the choosers" How can she possibly present herself as a chooser if shes chasing him.

When you were a little boy and you were given a toy for christmas that you really liked, you played with it and you were happy on christmas day. Then eventually that toy got trashed. When you were old enough to work part time after school and you saw another toy you liked and you had to work for it and save your ass off, you had to INVEST TIME and energy into that toy, chances are, you didnt trash that toy. You played with it and then it went back into its original box or back up on the shelf.

Its human nature, its biology. Its phenomenon x :)

T0rch
02-11-2009, 12:23 PM
Yeah, Lollydama check out "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. I never really understood why guys chase girls, but that book made a lot of things clear.

Basically, here's my impression of how chicks view things. When they see a guy who is not displaying enough attractive traits, they could just go up to him and hand themselves over to him. They would be pretty certain to have sex, and that's what they want right?

Wrong. That would basically make them the girl equivalent of the "guy who hooks up with fat chicks". Except when you're a girl, they cal you a "slut" instead.

Of course, it gets more complicated than that (the book i mentioned above goes in depth about it). But basically the guy is supposed to do the chasing.

LesPupPup
02-11-2009, 04:03 PM
If you were a guy I would tell you;
- you are fixating on one because you feel you don't have more options,
- and to quit being an AFC,
- and go out an game.

But in the interest of answering your question, this guy is beta,
heavy petting and a humdinger in the parking lot most likely imho

J03
02-12-2009, 12:50 AM
Yeah, really, don't shit where you eat!

Secondly, would you want to be involved in a LTR with a guy who takes other girls on dates, and spends $500+ on them???

Oh wait, I forgot - you're special right? ... Just like his 4 yr gf is special ... riiiggght???

rjs
02-23-2009, 10:16 PM
Lollydama, if you ask any female if she would like a typical AFC boyfriend (but dont actually label him as an AFC boyfriend).. you know.. a guy who always calls, a guy who tells you he loves you always, a guy who buys you flowers, a guy who never makes you frown, BLA BLA BLA, every single girl will say "YES, dream man!".
But once she gets this "dream man", she gets bored of him very quickly..she might stay with him but she'll never be crazy about him. Its a pretty interesting phenomenon. I call this phenomenon X. Phenomenon X can also be applied to MEN. You say you want an easy girl who'll come up to you and be all "Here i am.. In all my glory, take me home Im yours"...and chances are, YOU WILL take her home. You'll fuck her, especially if shes hot.. BUT EVENTUALLY (be it a month or 2 months), you will get bored and you'll come on here posting about needing space..and feeling confused...Ive seen it on these exact forums.. "Shes an awesome girl.. always there when i need her, attractive..but i dont know.. I just feel like i need to get out there". AHA, the phenomenon X strikes once again.

Im not saying that women should be bitches and always play hard to get, but if a female is the one making the calls, writing the letters, asking him out, trying to create comfort for him.. HE WILL BE FLATTERED AT FIRST but eventually it will demasculate him, it will kill his attraction switches and all will end.

This would apply if she gets needy/becomes a doormat after we've hooked up... but if a girl asks me out, or makes moves herself, etc., this does not in and of itself make me feel bored or emasculated. In fact it's a refreshing change of pace. And if I'm already attracted to her (key), it's a huge turn-on. In attracting and keeping the opposite sex, it's not nearly as crucial for women to stick to perceived gender roles as it is for men.

But regarding the OP, it sound's like she's already crossed the line into neediness anyway, so it's a moot point.