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View Full Version : Super-hot Insecure Girlfriend... help!!!!!!!!!!



SpeedDemon
01-17-2009, 06:01 PM
Thanks to all of you and listening to the blueprint, I now have a super-hot girlfriend that I'm in love with and can see us getting married. We've been dating for about 6 months but our relationship has been constantly hindered by her insecurities. She's a 10 by most guys standards and extremely nice fun amazing girl, however she's never sure how much I love her no matter what I do and thinks I'm going to cheat on her.

She always talks about me possibly cheating on her, if I look at another girl by accident it's a huge event, and I have to be careful what I say. She tries to make me jealous by talking to other guys, talking about other guys and telling me she's attracted to them, calling me to tell me that someone tried to pick her up in the grocery store, and I even found out she asked guys that were trying to talk to her on facebook to post on her wall.

It sometimes seems like this is stuff that's never gonna change no matter how much I tell her I love her and ask her to stop trying to make me jealous... I even proposed to her and she didn't think I was being serious when I was, she still doesn't understand that I love her and wouldn't ever do anything to hurt her.

I want to make it work if I can but do you think this will change with time as she trusts me more? Is there anything I should do?

JoeFred
01-17-2009, 08:16 PM
Id be more worried about trusting her. I wouldnt deal with her seeking attention from other guys and even worse for some reason you think this is something wrong with you? She might be hot but just because she is hot doesnt mean she is perfect and you should deal with it.

Phelix
01-17-2009, 09:26 PM
You need more A3, er, "Qualification." It is important that a woman believes that you love her for who she thinks really is, and not what most people see her for (and no, her being a "10" or her being hot isn't enough.). Qualification is a process that must repeat itself over and over throughout a relationship, into and beyond marriage.

You need to have a stronger frame and remind her why you choose her over any other girl, and you need to do it subtly, but often. It's called qualification because you are sub-communicating why she is *qualified* to be your girlfriend. There are many ways this can be done, I think that it's probably unnecessary for you to use a tactic like bait-hook-reel-release, you can be much more natural and direct in a relationship. You need to identify the individual, idiosyncratic aspects of her personality and compliment her for possessing those characteristics. You can work these into conversations about other topics, and other activities. In general, you should focus on more lasting and personal traits like personality, outlook, worldview, skills, intelligence etc.

If done successfully this will reduce jealousy, because she will trust that you actually love her, the real individual, and not just a prototype female in your imagination. Qualification is more important than simply telling her logically "I love you and I don't wan't to see anyone else," qualifying her will sub-communicate that same message indirectly. As with many other aspects of dealing with women, what you logically say on the surface isn't what really matters.

At this point, it sounds to me like the relationship itself is in trouble. In particular, if she didn't take you seriously when you proposed that's a pretty big deal. It will take more than Qualification to repair the damage, but that's a start. Maybe someone with more advanced relationship expertise should weigh in?

Ida
01-18-2009, 04:10 PM
Firstly. 10's dont have low self esteem. The number applies not to her look but to how she percieves herself. She might be dead gorgeous or shes a hairy dude named bob. But if she believes herself to be a 10 she is a 10.
And if shes a 10 and is acting jealous its a shit test. Shes testing to see if your man enough to keep her around.

When she farts. ''This is why I love you''
When she drops a plate. ''This is why I love you''
When she gets angry and jealous. ''This is why I love you''
You see where Im going with this?
Make and memorize a list of her imperfections(in particular the ones shes self consious about). When her self esteem hits rock bottom and she asks you why you chose to be with her you bring up the list:
''you snore, your nose wiggles when you laugh, you are clumsy, your shy, you burp loudly in movie theatres, you fall asleep when you watch tv and you drool when you sleep... Oh. And you make this cute squeeking sould when your angry. This is what i love most about you. You have all the attributes of a perfect woman.'' And then you move in for some kissing.
Adjust the list so it actually fits with your GF and try it out. Its worked great for me.

And heres a little trick I got from Will(the guy with the funny t-shirts)
When your walking down the sidewalk with your girl and you see this girl you want to check out you pick something on the other girl like her shoes. You say to your girl ''dont you ever buy shoes like that'' Then your girl looks at the shoes and you have some time to look at everything else.

But overall it sounds like you ''need to talk''
''Listen honey. Your chasing other men. And I dont know if you recall I proposed to you and you didnt answer. I dont know where this is going...'' You get my point here I hope. Start out with ''we have to talk'' and then you go through all those classic steps of breaking up. Girls are terrified of being dumped. This will give one of 3 outcomes.
1. She marries you.
2. She promises to change.
3. She panics and dumps you before you can dump her.
This is a last resort option and you might not get the outcome you want. If she promises to change and dont do so then you dump her flat out. In either case you have asserted yourself as a man.

edit. dont do the ''we need to talk'' if your not prepared to loose her. You might find yourself single if it goes in an unfavourable way and theres noone who knows what the outcome will be. The girl might THINK she knows how she will respond but she dont know before you open the routine.
Girls have been doing this to men for years and theyve done so because it works. And they dread having it turned on them.
Before I got into the game I had the unfortunate experience of being one of the girls but it did give me first person experience of what goes on in girlyland. When a girl has been dumped she goes to her friends and basically talks her ex up to be a god. When I saw it I didnt understand it but I later realized that all the girls wanted to steal him away.

Tenmagnet
01-18-2009, 05:43 PM
Sounds like she's wants you to be strong. You're being a pussy in this relationship, and letting her dominate you.

When she accuses you of checking out other women, tell her she's being silly and kiss her. Tell her "You're my girl"... What she really wants to know is that YOU LIKE HER. She doesn't really care what you think of other women (unless you're being a total horndog). When you are right, HOLD YOUR GROUND. No compromising when you are right, and she's being stupid and jealous, she can behave herself or leave.

When she flirts with other guys, don't freak out, but show a bit of possessiveness. Many women NEED to feel a bit of possessiveness from their guy to feel secure in a relationship. The secret is to come from a place of strength, not one of jealous insecurity. Don't freak out, just say "Hey, come here..." and call her away.

She should get a female hard-on when you do this - if not, I diagnosed the problem wrong :)

Basically Yes
01-18-2009, 11:48 PM
I can tell you what works for me and it might help.

I live in reality, and people who I hang out with also live in reality and often times because I don't accept bullshit and will call it out when I see it. The simple fact of the matter is that no matter how much you guys like each other, you do find other people attractive and you do look at other people in a sexual way.

In my relationships I get that fact out in the open so if she sees me looking at a girl then she understands that I'm not being disrespectful or thinking of cheating, I'm just doing what comes natural to humans. Keep in mind I don't stare/gawk and act like a creepy pervert, but yes I will notice a hot girl. I'll even point out guys she'll think is hot; I'll be the first to say "here comes a bro for you". As long as you both understand and agree on this reality then you can let it be but at the same time remain respectful.

It's normal, it happens to everyone, and problems arise when you and/or your significant other try and fight it or pretend it doesn't exist. Don't try and fight things that are embedded into you--you won't win.

silverghost
01-19-2009, 04:25 PM
Sounds like she's wants you to be strong. You're being a pussy in this relationship, and letting her dominate you.

When she accuses you of checking out other women, tell her she's being silly and kiss her. Tell her "You're my girl"... What she really wants to know is that YOU LIKE HER. She doesn't really care what you think of other women (unless you're being a total horndog). When you are right, HOLD YOUR GROUND. No compromising when you are right, and she's being stupid and jealous, she can behave herself or leave.

When she flirts with other guys, don't freak out, but show a bit of possessiveness. Many women NEED to feel a bit of possessiveness from their guy to feel secure in a relationship. The secret is to come from a place of strength, not one of jealous insecurity. Don't freak out, just say "Hey, come here..." and call her away.

She should get a female hard-on when you do this - if not, I diagnosed the problem wrong :)

I think I ll go with this one and it occured to me because u already make dreams about marrying this girl since I dont think the relationship is more than some months.

iammanh
01-20-2009, 03:32 AM
Women likes to start drama. Just tell her to calm down and give her a hug.

SmoothO
01-20-2009, 08:20 AM
basically yes, I agree on living in reality, but in a relationship saying "here comes a bro for you". That sounds incredibly AFC. Ackowledge that you both will have attractions to other people... but don't go out of your way to point it out when you see a hot girl or a man she would find is attractive. If there is ever a question about something when you look in the direction of another woman you make it clear that you are with her..etc.

Sinn
01-20-2009, 10:21 AM
If 6 months in she doesn't trust you, it's probably not going to change.

You could try sitting her down and having a discussion about these issues and how her insecurity could eventually push you away...

But my guess is she's not ready to change.

S

SpeedDemon
01-20-2009, 06:52 PM
Thanks for all the responses guys. I reminded her how much I love her and why I love her and where I stood when it comes to other guys but inevitably she still found something to think about and be insecure about. I realized that almost every problem we've had has been tied to trust issues and if your in love with someone you need them to trust you completely. I have to do something that's really going to be hard, but I agree that it seems like if she doesn't trust me now she never will, so I'll have to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I love her to death but I think I don't have any options at this point and will have to break up. :-(

Ida
01-22-2009, 01:57 PM
If you havent already dumped her by the time you read this I urge you to try the ''we need to talk'' I described.
If you are prepared to lose the girl then you are basically prepared to accept the worst possible outcome from this technique. And who knows. It just might turn things around.

SpeedDemon
01-29-2009, 09:06 AM
I tried talking to her multiple times about this and nothing changed and I was discouraged. However, last night I talked to her about it again and told her the obvious fact that we can't be together if she doesn't trust me and was going to break up with her if she didn't show any real desire to change, I think it stuck this time but I'll let you guys know how everything pans out.