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TheFoxx
01-11-2009, 04:01 PM
Often I will throw big get-togethers, and I'll most of the people who say they will go or want to go just don't show up and don't answer calls.

This doesn't just go for targets, but even close female friends of mine will just ditch. Even my guy friends flake on me.

Is this normal? Does everyone's friends have about a 70% flake ratio?

What makes people want to hang out with you? What makes people flake on their friends?

Almighty Mexijew
01-12-2009, 12:11 AM
First off; I feel for you man. I understand what its like to have flaky friends. I also know what its like to be a flake at times, though not enough to warrant the title.

I can't speak for everyone out there, but, usually what causes me to flake is
1.) poorly planned ideas--the "hey, lets do something" calls..if there is no plan, that usually means I'm the one to have to think of something, and because I'm broke I'm auto-disqualified from most ideas I'd like to do.
2.) bad timing-- sometimes you get that call at 9am to play basketball and you're sleeping in, or, maybe you're doing something like slapping the monkey when you get that IM saying theres a party in 15 minutes. In cases where the timing sucks, I generally get kind of annoyed with being interrupted. Its like a big wtf.
3.) bad circumstances-- the things beyond control. If your car breaks down and you've already had plans, generally you're not going anywhere. I've had moments where things come up and I end up going to that instead.
4.) bad people-- People can be annoying. They can also be energy drains, whiners, and an assortment of other things. Sometimes its as simple as they flaked on you, so, why should you be there for them? In my own life, theres a few people that fall into this category. They're friends but they're rather imperfect in what they do and it gets on my nerves.

Just watch that new movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey. You'll see in the beginning that he's kind of a douchey friend.

NathanR
01-12-2009, 01:36 PM
Hats off to the previous post but their might be anouther side.

Personally I love to blame myself ~ Huh?

That's right Blame myself. Why? Because I never miss an opportunity to grow ~ well i would like to think so!

Anyway, taking aside all the VALID points above - When you invite someone to do something you have to ask what's in it for them? Do YOU represent a good time. Is their time worth SPENDING with you.

It applies to woman and everyone else ~ it seems resonable to assume that people will come if they think it will benifit them. Yeah we are all selfish...

Advice

~ Think about what is in it for them
~ Woman - is there comfort/attraction and will she precieve time with YOU as worth it?
~ friends - will their time with you be worth it?

Bare that in mind pal and I wish you the best.

Nihilistic
01-12-2009, 04:10 PM
Often I will throw big get-togethers, and I'll most of the people who say they will go or want to go just don't show up and don't answer calls.

This doesn't just go for targets, but even close female friends of mine will just ditch. Even my guy friends flake on me.

Is this normal? Does everyone's friends have about a 70% flake ratio?

What makes people want to hang out with you? What makes people flake on their friends?

i dont have a 70 percent ratio. but then again i have damned few friends.

youre starting to see the true nature of adulthood and the relationships in it. most of the preconceptions are groundless lmao.

other options:

1. youre boring, or have boring parties or something. in other words, the issue is with you somewhere. maybe youre a dick?

2. the people you hang with are, evidently, mostly pricks. this isnt too likely.

3. the people you hang with have full social lives away from you they choose to pursue. you might ask the difference between 1 and 3? this one means that they dont find you offensive or otherwise a wonk.

kids, GF/BF stuff, etc.

id try asking in smaller groups. if they wont go out in smaller groups, id have to wonder about how friendly these people actually feel towards you. big difference between like and tolerate.

Nissku
01-12-2009, 05:06 PM
ahy, all valid reasons... here; try this though...

expand your social circle as vastly as you possibly can. dont throw too many big get togethers, and invite as many people as you knoww who wants to hang out with you. if theyre the kinda person who stops you ta say 'what up' when you pass em in the streets thats about how much they should enjoy your company before you consider inviting them and you wanna have a lotta these.
but dont expect anyone you invite to actually show when you invite them aside from your closest inner circle of friends who you do invite, and you should probably more or less be able to plan to go to an event with those people.
[lol... all this comming from someone who generally doesnt throw get togethers anyway... just shows up]

as for in general, why do people flake? no wait... why will women flake?
as a light suggestion with almost NO solid scientific backing behind it, do not say "dont forget blablablaa..." say "remember blablablaa"
but why? women become attracted to guys all the time. yes. like you become attracted to women all the time :) but if a woman is sitting there thinking, why did i give him my number... she may also end up jumping to another thought, why did he ask? and from there "what would he want" and in a downhill fashion, finally "what does he think hes getting from me" till you end up there at the bottom with her trying to think about what your thinking... which can be anything >.<

but i have to agree with the above post, i don know you in the slightest... maybe your a dick? lol. maybe your too cool! (thats always a surpriser. lol. for your own ego, feel free to presume the latter from time to time)

Fader
01-12-2009, 05:14 PM
Often I will throw big get-togethers, and I'll most of the people who say they will go or want to go just don't show up and don't answer calls.

This doesn't just go for targets, but even close female friends of mine will just ditch. Even my guy friends flake on me.

Is this normal? Does everyone's friends have about a 70% flake ratio?

What makes people want to hang out with you? What makes people flake on their friends?

What makes people flake? Better opportunities, lack of comfort, lack of qualification, her being wasted in party mode at the time and then deciding she doenst really know you, sometimes ish just happens. I use to get TONS of flakes and most of it was because I was hammered running flash game. Once i cut back my drinking that stopped happening cause i started doing comfort properly