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WildFlower147
01-05-2009, 11:18 AM
The girl I like, have done stuff with in the past and have known for about 4 months now had a talk about getting into a relationship with each other a few days ago. We both admitted to liking each other but didn't fully commit to be a couple just yet and we left after having a little bit of an argument.

Last night she was displaying major interested body language by resting her head in her hands and gazing at me. When there was an opportunity to sit next to me she took it. She was doing the thing where the conversation would drop and we’d just share intense eye contact for a few extra seconds before she’d look away. After an hour or so she picked up this little plastic stick thing and playfully put it in my drink and responded by putting her hand over her own drink so I couldn’t put it in hers. We joked around for a few extra minutes then when she wasn’t looking I slipped it into hers. After that the night just crashed.

For whatever reason she got really pissed of with the fact I’d put the plastic stick in her drink after she put it in mine. Now, I don’t know whether it was a major Shit test, whether she was just looking for a reason to be pissed of with me in general and was trying to bait me into doing something so she would have a reason to be pissed of with me or whether it’s because she’s on her period and PMSing (she is this time of the month).

She said something like “Why are all boys dicks” bla bla. I have no idea if she was testing me for a response but I didn’t give her one. I had obviously not done anything wrong so I didn’t apologise or react in any way other than ignore her. Is passive aggression the best response when a girl is being bitchy with you? I have no idea how to respond. Anyway for the rest of the night I ignored her, sat pretty quietly and talked to her friends. She would give her friend who likes me the evils when she tried to talk to me. I was out with her group of friends and I tried to have friendly conversations and act unbothered by it but because I don't know them all that well I may have come across as stroppy by being quiet. At the end of the night she said bye but I was eating pizza so didn’t respond.

I don’t think I’m going to get with this girl. I’m a little disappointed but more so with my inexperience in these situations and not knowing how to deal with a girl who’s being a bitch with me. I find it hard to spot if it was a shit test or just a major IOD. Earlier on in the night she was saying stuff like “I don’t think I fancy anyone right now” to her friend when she knew I was listening. I just said nothing and was unreactive. I thought that was a shit test because she has done the exact same thing before in the past a few times and later the same night told me she likes me after saying things like "I don't fancy anyone etc."

Was this a shit test or IOD? Kinda like, "take a hint are chat the other night was a mistake I'm now back pedalling." How in future do I react to these situations other than doing nothing?

Tenmagnet
01-05-2009, 12:09 PM
The girl I like, have done stuff with in the past and have known for about 4 months now had a talk about getting into a relationship with each other a few days ago. We both admitted to liking each other but didn't fully commit to be a couple just yet and we left after having a little bit of an argument.

Ok, first of all, what the heck is a DOI? Driving OVER the Influence? I think you mean IOD.

And here's the answer - it doesn't matter.

The fact is, she likes you (or she DID like you), and you're being dumb and talking about things.

Talking doesn't solve anything, talking is logical, and logic has nothing to do with relationships. Do you like her? GO FOR HER. If you don't like her, DON'T GO FOR IT. But for god's sakes, don't sit and talk about having a relationship. That's the worst thing you can do.

You're being passive and weak, both by talking when you should be acting, and by letting her bitch you out over something trivial. Maybe she was trying to see if you had any balls, maybe she was just pissed off. Either way, it looks like you have a woman who likes (or liked) you, and is waiting for you to grow some balls.

WildFlower147
01-05-2009, 12:18 PM
haha yeah I meant IOD.

She is the one who keeps bringing up the relationship thing to talk about. How should I react when a girl is being a bitch then? Whats the best way? I thought in the MM it says just be cool and none reactive. Behave like it's not a big deal but don't apolagise if you haven't done anything wrong.

Tenmagnet
01-05-2009, 12:29 PM
When a woman asks questions about a relationship, 99% of the time, she's really asking "Do you actually like me"....

So the correct response is usually "Stop being dumb" and kissing her, or something like that. Anything you do that makes her confident that you like her will help to solve the problem, and anything that sews doubt in her mind whether you really like her will just fuel the problem.

So when you talk, and get kind of annoyed and argue over a relationship, you are only making things worse - no matter what is said. When you act uncertain and try and negotiate or talk about what your relationship will look like, or what you and her want, you just increase her doubt that you really like her.

You need to change her EMOTIONS, not her mind, and you change her emotions by your actions, not by words. Show her you LIKE her, and let the relationship sort ITSELF out.

WildFlower147
01-05-2009, 12:35 PM
Thanks, I'll not talk about the relationship thing anymore.

How should I behave when she's being a bitch with me over something as pathetic as me putting something in her drink after she put it in mine first? I've read conflicting adivce. Some say stay mad at her untill she apolagises otherwise she'll realise she can walk all over you and loose attraction other advice says just be none reactive and pretend like it didn't happen.

Why would she even do it? Do you think she is shit testing me or hinting that shes lost interest and looking for a reason to be pissed of with me.

Tenmagnet
01-05-2009, 12:40 PM
Look at her like she's an idiot, and tell her if she's going to act like a child she can do it by herself.

I don't get angry with women or act pouty, but I will tell them to leave if they're being ridiculous. I don't demand apologies or anything, I just want to make sure that when they're around me, they need to meet a certain standard of behavior.

WildFlower147
01-05-2009, 12:44 PM
Thanks I'll try that next time. I know being passive and ignoring her wasn't the best idea but it seemed better than being childish and getting angry. Should I tell her that I won't tolerate people treating me without respect or should I just forget about it and pretend like it didn't happen now?

Tenmagnet
01-05-2009, 12:50 PM
At this point, I would forget it, or just tease her about it a bit like it wasn't a big deal.

In future, when a girl starts acting silly, you need to nip it in the bud by holding your ground, letting her see how dumb she looks. And offering her the door if necessary.

Basically Yes
01-05-2009, 02:23 PM
Sounds like a dumb bitch to me. I would take one night and man up and escalate until you get blown out or bang her, and regardless of which happens stop talking to her after that. Any girl who truely gets angry over something like that (if you're not leaving anything out of the story) isn't someone you really want to hang out with anyway.

Dogma
01-05-2009, 04:45 PM
Sounds like a dumb bitch to me. I would take one night and man up and escalate until you get blown out or bang her, and regardless of which happens stop talking to her after that.

I gotta agree with that, and also what Tenmagnet is saying.

having high standards, and not tolerating childish behaviour is a major DHV. I mean, the ULTIMATE subtext of not tolerating her bitchiness is "around me, you'll be a better person (cos I wont tolerate anything else).

yeah, man up, forget your emotions for the girl (for now) and make a move.

truth
03-29-2009, 01:30 AM
For those who have access the Lounge thread is hereThe Lounge

Tenmagnet describes advice in the vein of David Deida's Way Of The Superior Man/Anthony Robbins Ultimate Relationship Program:

http://www.theattractionforums.com/discussion/86805-test-major-doi.html#post539183


When a woman asks questions about a relationship, 99% of the time, she's really asking "Do you actually like me"....

So the correct response is usually "Stop being dumb" and kissing her, or something like that. Anything you do that makes her confident that you like her will help to solve the problem, and anything that sews doubt in her mind whether you really like her will just fuel the problem.

So when you talk, and get kind of annoyed and argue over a relationship, you are only making things worse - no matter what is said. When you act uncertain and try and negotiate or talk about what your relationship will look like, or what you and her want, you just increase her doubt that you really like her.

You need to change her EMOTIONS, not her mind, and you change her emotions by your actions, not by words. Show her you LIKE her, and let the relationship sort ITSELF out.

and then in his very next response in the thread he suggests the opposite:

http://www.theattractionforums.com/discussion/86805-test-major-doi.html#post539188


Look at her like she's an idiot, and tell her if she's going to act like a child she can do it by herself.

I don't get angry with women or act pouty, but I will tell them to leave if they're being ridiculous. I don't demand apologies or anything, I just want to make sure that when they're around me, they need to meet a certain standard of behavior.

How do you know when to use which response????? This is the biggest sticking point in my game right now, and I can sometimes figure out AFTER the fact which response I should have used, but I'm really not very clear on it at all.

FemmeFatale
03-29-2009, 06:13 AM
TenMagnet is right.

Whats happened here, is shes having an emotional breakdown and for whatever reason is frustrated with you. The best thing you can do when a woman reacts irrationally with emotion like this, is not react(when not in a LTR or when not really that obvious like in your situation), or if you are in a LTR and its more obvious, ask her to leave, end the date, and simply tell her that she needs to cool down and to contact you then.

When you dont react(ignore) or even demand her to leave, she will try to win through a power struggle. She might chuck a tantrum, threaten to leave you ("Maybe we arent so suited for each other after all" *SOB*) etc.. she wants to do whatever at this point to get you to run after her, validate her etc.. hence the "I dont think i fancy anyone right now" comment.

If this is a frequent thing with her,ditch her, shes too immature.