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Portofino
01-03-2009, 08:28 AM
Actually I'm not insecure; even have the self confidence to say I'm not ugly. Still I have the strange habit to not express this confidence while I have to be and sit at a place like a barber shop. I have the strange habit to grab my hands and putting them on my stomach and not put them in a relaxed position and look in any direction my head wants’ to, due to the nervous.

In the barber shop a good looking women told me she was single out of the blue. I was acting relaxed and confident and throwing some of my game skills at her who made her smile, and she qualify herself for me. BUT I did not act calm, relaxed and confident.

It's the thing like everyone in that room is busy with the way you look, it is not comfortable, and even I never heard I was looking bad sadly I still get up with these thoughts "what if".

How to handle this situation and get yourself in a more comfortable seat/position?

Grr
01-03-2009, 01:04 PM
Lol what was a girl doing in a barber shop :p

Portofino
01-04-2009, 04:09 AM
Well actually she was doing a hair cut. Barber shop should be changend in Hair salon ;)

Grr
01-04-2009, 01:04 PM
Haha Ok. Was gonna say, that "girl" getting a haircut at the barber shop might not be who you think she is ;)

I usually just clasp my hands and leave them on my lap :) I think it's similar to what you do but as long as you look relaxed when you do it I think its all good :) Magazines are also a good way to keep your hands occupied, or a mobile (pre-selection?)

Portofino
01-05-2009, 05:06 AM
Haha! Well when I reared my post I had doubts to ;).

Well reading a magazine or being busy with your mobile doesn't look very social does it?

I think leave my hands on my lap will work.

Grr
01-05-2009, 01:50 PM
Wow only you and I are having a convo here. When I mean using your mobile, I mean texting then put it in your pocket and just say hi to whoever. I dunno, I can picture it working in my head, its difficult to explain :p

Portofino
01-09-2009, 12:44 PM
Wow only you and I are having a convo here. When I mean using your mobile, I mean texting then put it in your pocket and just say hi to whoever. I dunno, I can picture it working in my head, its difficult to explain :p

Haha yeah! So like using my cell phone as dictionary? To remember myself to be comfortable on that moments. When I look to my mobile I will see the message "relax".

I've practiced putting my hands on my laps in a lot of different venues now and I must say it's quit relaxing.

Can't imagine that it was that simple. Still many thanks for your tip!

netwhw
01-09-2009, 01:01 PM
Do some exercices to increase your confidence !

Portofino
01-09-2009, 01:06 PM
Do some exercices to increase your confidence !

Well actually my confidence rises as high to the stars nearby Jupiter it was just a strange habit of don't knowing where to leave my hands which I couldn't seem to get rid of. Not a big issue, it's solved now!

What exercises do you do to boost your confidence?

Top_Gunn
01-09-2009, 01:45 PM
nlp excercises always work for that kind of thing...and you can rehearse positive outcomes in your head of what you want to happen with your hands. the problem is that you have brought the thought of 'where do i put my hands' into concious thinking, so now your brain is thinking of somewhere to put them, as long as you keep rehearsing in your head positive images, your mind will pick up on this and it will form unconcious behavior. i know i had this problem like 4 months ago it was stressful as hell. you have to tell your brain unconcious what to do, it is very smart, it just follows orders of what you give it and can't tell the difference between imagined outcomes and real life situations.

1. use NLP patterns for this
2. rehearse positive images of outcomes in your head

you should be healed within 2 weeks if you do this everyday for 5 minutes.

TG

Portofino
01-11-2009, 04:14 AM
the problem is that you have brought the thought of 'where do i put my hands' into concious thinking, so now your brain is thinking of somewhere to put them, as long as you keep rehearsing in your head positive images, your mind will pick up on this and it will form unconcious behavior

Never considered this mentioned perspective. First it kind of scares me like it is some kind of illness.

Never did NLP before, do you have any examples where I can read about this patterns?

Top_Gunn
01-11-2009, 10:40 PM
you can find these types of nlp patterns everywhere. i don't know anything off by heart, you can go on google and search 'nlp patterns'. its not a particular pattern that you use really. there have been so many different rehashes of nlp patterns that you can just try to use something that works for you. 'hypnotica' is always good for this kind of stuff. i know he has a product out called 'ultimate inner game' it alright, nothing special, but if you can get ahold of it should help you out.
a cheaper route would be to buy an intro to nlp, the community always recommends introducing nlp- by joseph o'connor in there they have a shit load of patterns and a smooth intro into nlp.
the most important part is to rehearse positive body language in your mind until it becomes unconscious. AND MAKE THESE IMAGES AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE DOWN TO VERY MINOR DETAILS. which is just a brief overview of what nlp is.

and you don't have an illness. i bet you the majority of the community has had this problem...it just takes time---> its paralysis by analysis

Top_Gunn
01-11-2009, 10:42 PM
you can find these types of nlp patterns everywhere. i don't know anything off by heart, you can go on google and search 'nlp patterns'. its not a particular pattern that you use really. there have been so many different rehashes of nlp patterns that you can just try to use something that works for you. 'hypnotica' is always good for this kind of stuff. i know he has a product out called 'ultimate inner game' it alright, nothing special, but if you can get ahold of it should help you out.
a cheaper route would be to buy an intro to nlp, the community always recommends introducing nlp- by joseph o'connor in there they have a shit load of patterns and a smooth intro into nlp.
the most important part is to rehearse positive body language in your mind until it becomes unconscious. AND MAKE THESE IMAGES AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE DOWN TO VERY MINOR DETAILS. which is just a brief overview of what nlp is.

and you don't have an illness. i bet you the majority of the community has had this problem...it just takes time---> its paralysis by analysis

Portofino
01-17-2009, 10:04 AM
Many thanks for this reply, it's really an advantage.