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R-Evolve-R
04-12-2006, 07:46 PM
Here is my problem guys, I tend to go for the shy girls.
Usually the quiet ones are the freakiest in bed, but thats besides the point. The problem is that with the shy ones its very hard to keep a convo going.
I had a date on tuesday with one shy girl, we ate first then took a walk in the park and it was very hard to get her to open up and have a few good laughs. Like I'd ask her whats on her mind and she'd start talking about school. It was like impossible to get her mind off of stuff like that.
Anyways, on my way back from that date, after we parted ways, I met another girl and yadda yadda yadda I got a date with her tomorrow (thursday). The way I actually asked her out was she asked me if I had anyone special in my life (I took that as an IOI), so I said "no, I am currently interviewing people but no one has got the position yet", she laughed and said she was in the same boat. Then we exchanged stories about some weird dates/people we had met, and I said to her "how about we interview eachother on thursday, we'll go for a walk in the park at 1:30.", her eyes lit up and she was like "yeah sure! I love the park!" (she knew the park I was referring to which is near my university).
But the thing is throughout the convo I sense that she is kinda shy as well. I am afraid of spending an hour or so with her there only to have nothing to talk about.
I need some ways to get her to open up to me. Maybe some routines or lines to get her talking. I want this to be the opposite of my tuesday date, where I had to do most of the talking.
Any ideas? I need input real quick cause I am in school tomorrow so I probably won't be able to check the forums past 1 PM or so and I am meeting her around 1:30!

jupiterjazz21
04-12-2006, 08:00 PM
I know it sucks doing most of the talking. If she's just a naturally-quiet girl, it's going to be hard to make her open up to you before she's really comfortable being around you. So I just say bite the bullet for now and continue to do most of the talking, or go into those boring subjects that she likes to talk about like school. Her being shy, she's probably loving the fact that you keep the conversation flowing half-decently well. I just say keep looking for subjects she likes to talk about and continue talking about them.

Rain
04-12-2006, 08:01 PM
Can't help you with this date. None of us can.
In a situation like this, you start again in A2. Go from there.
If you don't have your game down, then don't worry about it. It'll either happen or it won't. But don't ask the forum to bail you out because you're not prepared.
The best advice I have for this situation is in this post (http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7332).

R-Evolve-R
04-12-2006, 08:17 PM
Well my going plan right now is to take David DeAngelo's advice about discussing things like hollywood drama, celebrity gossip.
I know all about routines and what not, I am not a newb. But if someone is shy and doesn't participate much in the routines or doesn't get excited about it its not going to work.
For example, after doing the Eliciting Values routine last time around with a shy girl all I got was a "oh, that's cool. I never thought about that. *silence*"
So these things fizzle out real fast.
Let's face it, the Mystery Method's, and lot of other PUA stuff's limiting factor is that its designed to work on outgoing club girls, who are usually not the brightest crayons in the shed. (yes I know I mixed those 3 sayings together). I have opened and ran some routines on girls who are bar going-types and used C&F and negs and they worked beautifuly with those types of girls, but with these shy ones who don't go to bars and clubs regularly its another story.
I've also tried talking about cool things that have happened to me, or things I have heard about, but that too only lasts so long without appearing like I'm bragging.
That's why I am looking for any advice, perferably from people who have exerience with these types of girls, on how to make the date seem less awkward in a way, how to keep the good vibe going.
I am thinking of changing the format entirely in the future from walks in the park, going out for tea, and things of that nature to more action-type dates, but still I need some help for tomorrow!

doc
04-12-2006, 08:18 PM
Ask her what she knows the most about...which is herself.
Where did she grow up...as a child..pets? siblings? what do her parents do?what does she want to do when she grows up...
and take it from there...you can interject your own DHV but up her everytime.

R-Evolve-R
04-12-2006, 08:23 PM
I have thought about that, but I always hear from the gurus that those types of topics are "boring" for the girl.
Is there any specific ways of talking about those kinds of things while being a bit different?

Malibu
04-12-2006, 08:25 PM
My experience with shy girls tells me one thing...once you get them through enough comfort....you cant fucking shut them up!!!!!
The only thing is in my opinion you need alot of comfort in order to bring her out of her shell....trust me...ive had a lot of experience with shy girls.

Misologist
04-12-2006, 08:46 PM
Yep, with shy girls they have this little wall between them and the rest of the world with maybe a few people inside, but that's the point: once you get inside she's all over you because you're one of few. Just keep focusing the conversation on her and you might do a lot of the talking still anyway, and make it a point to match whatever eye contact she throws your way: it's a powerful way of anchoring you to whatever atmosphere you've created- which should be calm and relaxed and easygoing, you have to appear on her level and not like you're some unattainable crush she can build up in her head that she'll clam up even more around.

R-Evolve-R
04-12-2006, 08:48 PM
Thanks guys!
So your advice basically if I understand correctly is focus mostly on getting her to talk about herself, family, her life, etc. so that she builds trust in me and gets comfortable and lets me into her inner circle?
What about Kino escalation? Is it good to try to kino esclate quickly as well or is it more appropriate to wait a little on it? Any tips on how to do it without breaking her comfort level?

doc
04-12-2006, 08:52 PM
read my Touching thread in the 30+ near the bottom.
subtleness will open her up, and break down her walls.

R-Evolve-R
04-12-2006, 08:54 PM
Will do!
Keep the advice coming guys, this is very helpful, I am sorta building a better game plan in my mind for tomorrow.

Misologist
04-12-2006, 08:56 PM
Don't be overbearingly physical, lead her into it, I do things like teaching girls to punch my fist when they do something cool; teaching because of course they did it wrong the first time, and it's just fun.

Malibu
04-12-2006, 08:57 PM
What about Kino escalation? Is it good to try to kino esclate quickly as well or is it more appropriate to wait a little on it? Any tips on how to do it without breaking her comfort level?
no...dont escalate kino untill you know your ready to go past the point of no return...
use heaps...i mean HEAPS of kino but in small doses and you need to do this for a while. This is part of the comfort building anyway. But dont escalate too soon...wait until the time is perfect and you have heaps of comfort.

Misologist
04-12-2006, 08:59 PM
He said it better than I did:P

Dr. Zeus
04-12-2006, 09:01 PM
Careful with the negs. One too many and you could totally vaporize this chick.

Rain
04-12-2006, 09:26 PM
Promise me this isn't about this one girl. Promise me it is about how to game your 'type' which happens to be shy girls.
Ok.
Good. Onward.

Well my going plan right now is to take David DeAngelo's advice about discussing things like hollywood drama, celebrity gossip.
Don't do this. It's a DLV. DD suggests this as a way to start a conversation or to chat up a social girl. Yours are shy.


I know all about routines and what not, I am not a newb. But if someone is shy and doesn't participate much in the routines or doesn't get excited about it its not going to work.
For example, after doing the Eliciting Values routine last time around with a shy girl all I got was a "oh, that's cool. I never thought about that. *silence*"
So these things fizzle out real fast.

Accept the fact that until you have built enough Attraction and Comfort, she will respond very little to anything you say. 90/10 rule.


Let's face it, the Mystery Method's, and lot of other PUA stuff's limiting factor is that its designed to work on outgoing club girls, who are usually not the brightest crayons in the shed. (yes I know I mixed those 3 sayings together). I have opened and ran some routines on girls who are bar going-types and used C&F and negs and they worked beautifuly with those types of girls, but with these shy ones who don't go to bars and clubs regularly its another story.

While it is true that shy girls require different game than outgoing girls and club game is different than non-club game, it is NOT TRUE that MM won't work on these girls. MM works on all women because it is focused not on their personalities, but on their instincts and evolutionary motives.
Do a search on LSE. Shy girls, even the smartest, hottest, most interesting of them, are exhibiting LSE tendencies. Deal with them accordingly.


I've also tried talking about cool things that have happened to me, or things I have heard about, but that too only lasts so long without appearing like I'm bragging.

90/10 again. It's not the most comfortable place to be, but it is where you are. You're going to have to supply the majority of the conversation until the switch is flipped. Then, as Malibu pointed out, you'll want advice on shutting her up.


That's why I am looking for any advice, perferably from people who have exerience with these types of girls, on how to make the date seem less awkward in a way, how to keep the good vibe going.
You'll need to DHV first. And you'll need to do some storytelling. You have to generate a lot of interest from a shy girl, because she will want to convince herself that you're not interested so she can return to being shy. Massive interest will override that impulse in her.
Be prepared to ask her questions that will require more from her in terms of answers. Check my 6 New Comfort Questions post in the Best Of. Alternate deeper thinking questions with fluff questions like Doc recommended. Asking about things she is familiar with is fine, it builds inner comfort. Asking her about things that challenge her a little builds her comfort with you. You need to do both to get her initiating some conversation.


I am thinking of changing the format entirely in the future from walks in the park, going out for tea, and things of that nature to more action-type dates, but still I need some help for tomorrow!
Do both! I don't know of any girl who wouldn't love a walk in the park to get to know each other, then a wild adventure to have fun together. Follow that up with some good food(comfort food) and you have Rain's Day2 Formula (http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4138&highlight=day+2+formula).


So your advice basically if I understand correctly is focus mostly on getting her to talk about herself, family, her life, etc. so that she builds trust in me and gets comfortable and lets me into her inner circle?
What about Kino escalation? Is it good to try to kino esclate quickly as well or is it more appropriate to wait a little on it? Any tips on how to do it without breaking her comfort level?

Hold her hand when you're walking in the park. It should feel natural. If you act like it's no big deal, it won't be. If she doesn't hold your hand, try again after you get her talking. Escalate from there.
One important thing. You still have to neg her. Neg her about being so quiet. Something subtle, like calling her a loudmouth. You need to draw enough attention to her shyness to let her know it's a problem, but not so much as to hurt her feelings.
I personally would do it first thing. That way the neg is about her previous behavior, not her current behavior on the date. You want her slightly self-conscious, not miserable. Something like, "Hey HB. Am I gonna need to fight you to get a word in today?" Whatever fits with your personality.
Anyway, my initial reply to this thread may have been a bit harsh, but I wanted you to understand that you can't learn to game a girl the day before the date. This is about improving your game over time, with all women. I hope what I've said above helps you with all of your shy girls. We had better get some field reports from you about them too. ;-)
Rain

Vincent Chase
04-12-2006, 10:09 PM
90/10 rule.*
Do a search on LSE. Shy girls, even the smartest, hottest, most interesting of them, are exhibiting LSE tendencies. Deal with them accordingly.
*90/10 again. It's not the most comfortable place to be, but it is where you are. You're going to have to supply the majority of the conversation until the switch is flipped. Then, as Malibu pointed out, you'll want advice on shutting her up.
You'll need to DHV first. And you'll need to do some storytelling. You have to generate a lot of interest from a shy girl, because she will want to convince herself that you're not interested so she can return to being shy. Massive interest will override that impulse in her.
Do both! I don't know of any girl who wouldn't love a walk in the park to get to know each other, then a wild adventure to have fun together. Follow that up with some good food(comfort food) and you have Rain's Day2 Formula (http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4138&highlight=day+2+formula). Rainy baby, did you steal my comfort foods?! JK. Read my Comfort Post (link found in my signature at the bottom) for more tips that are going to help you in this phase, it was a bitch to compile, so pass the word on.


Hold her hand when you're walking in the park. It should feel natural. If you act like it's no big deal, it won't be. If she doesn't hold your hand, try again after you get her talking. Escalate from there.

I higlighted what i felt we're Rain's best bits as reinforcement, read and re-read everything you have gathered in this thread and apply it to your futur gaming.

David DeAngelo's advice about discussing things like hollywood drama, celebrity gossip. In my experience, shy girl could really give a shit less about these topics, it's probably best to brush them at best, do not make them an atual thread, just a strand.

R-Evolve-R
04-13-2006, 03:48 AM
No, its not about one girl lol. It is about my type.
As I mentioned I had gone out with a shy girl on tuesday, and now I am going out with another shy girl today, which obviously suggests that I am seeing multiple girls.
I know I can't "learn" anything overnight, and I've been in the community for years, this post was all about just getting some quick advice to try to make it through the day a bit more succesfully than I might have otherwise.
I have been out with several shy girls now over the past few months and it just seems like I am always running into this issue, but what I do notice is that I don't do a lot of asking questions or getting them to talk about family and other fluff. I guess David DeAngelo's thing about not talking about "job interview" topics went a little too far with me.
Thanks for the advice though guys, I am definitley going to incorporate some of it today!

Scotty
04-13-2006, 06:13 AM
Why do you like shy girls? What are you expecting out of it? More often than not if you "Crack" a shy girl she'll want to be around you ALL the time.
I used to think that I would like a shy girl that needs rescuing, until it became apparent that I only wanted them so that they wouldn't judge me on my faults etc....
What are your goals?
Think about it, if she is shy she probably spends a LOT of time in her head.
You need to do a fair bit of the talking, and to start with she will give you nothing. After a while she may give you something very small to work with, you need to take this validate it, and make her feel good about it. She will then give you bigger chunks. I find that shy girls give you something small to test you - can she open herself up to you or not? Whilst really hot girls have a bitch shield, shy girls have their own protection mechanisms. Only tease her gently when you have successfully got her talking a bit more and she's smiling.
You need to take extra time and care with shy girls, negs will not work and you need to seem more interested than normal, playing it aloof won't work.

R-Evolve-R
04-13-2006, 10:17 AM
Well I myself am not the kind of person who really likes the big club/bar atmosphere so for me shy girls are kinda closer to where I am.
I used to be really shy myself, and of course through a lot of work on myself I have actually become pretty loud and outgoing lately, namely in the last couple of years.
My ideas relationship would be one where I would enjoy watching something on the couch with a girl, talk a little bit, maybe just lay around and do nothing, or take a walk in the park. If its action-based, then something like mini golf or something. I just like the quiet types of things I guess. I want a girl who I can connect with and bond with and thats my ideal.
I would not like a girl who would drag me out to clubs every night or whatever, or group dates where there is like 10 people and everyone is being loud and obnoxious. I like the quiet one on one time, of course getting a few people together once in a while isn't so bad, have some fun together, whatever, but I am not aiming at all at the lifestyle of someone who goes clubbing or to bars all the time and is around a loud obnoxious group of people. I just don't feel comfortable in that element, and it has no appeal to me.
Shy girls, within reason, are what I am looking for because they meet my lifestyle goals. I don't want anyone ridiculously shy, but not someone too loud.

Vincent Chase
04-13-2006, 05:13 PM
I asked some of my shyer girls, "What's the best thing a guy could do to you, dis-sexually."
5 of the seven said something to the effect of 'make me smile,' the other two said "(make me) ...forget where I was, what I'm doing and whom I'm doing it with, sweeping me up." and the other, "Why does it have to be non-sexual?" she wouldn't answer the question... It's my own fault for turning her into a nympho.
I also find that this is true, shy girls don't get the opportunity, or just don't, smile often, so if you can make them smile and say "see how great it feels to have fun/smile/kick ass/give them teeth some air." I use this on girls below 6, and on girls 8+ I use "I knew there was a smile under that shell of a cold-bitch, I just had tobreak through it." Smirk on your face too. and for 7's I usually just say, "A smile is the best accessory."
Not exactly any method here, mostly common sense, but still it may prove usefull.

DeSolero
05-17-2006, 06:58 AM
I like the information contained in this thread so far. It has been very helpful.
I'm nominating this thread to the best of.
\_O_/

psychosis
05-17-2006, 10:59 PM
My take on this and it usually works to build great rapport is something I discovered before getting into the community. What you need to do is a bit like the "natural women" pattern, it is also a bit like a cold read.
Talk about how everyone has two different sides the social side/shield/facade and the one underneith. How everyone acts in two different ways and that someone can be really shy and closed in a group environment but totally different in a familiar environment. You can get about at least 15 mins from this. Find commonalities (or even lie) and say how you used to be quieter and then you started to find confidence. Talk about ways of building confidence.
Obviously you need some subtlety and calibration. Oh and why not gently bust her about being shy, get her laughing that will disarm resistance also.

Misologist
05-19-2006, 04:25 AM
That sounds a bit Wussy
"Omigod, I love whatever the hell you just said, we have so much in common lets fuck"
And then you get an LJBF, shy girls in my experience don't show many IOIs unless they're really into you so you might miss your move. I know a very shy but odd girl who hasn't had a boyfriend in a few years because most guys are too intimidating for having no clue where they stand, she's hot too, we end up infront of heaters talking all night whenever our mutual friends have parties and fall asleep. My advice is not to lie but to actually get in touch with that introverted little shy bit inside: the one that gives entirely unique perspectives on seemingly ordinary things and events; the one comics use a lot of the time. Weave little worlds inside your head and then pass them onto her to toy with, when she finds she can get the same kind of wonder from outside her own head she'll want to keep the stream goind. Shy girls HAVE to have powerful imaginations, they HAVE to dwell on some things until they can see it through their little world.
And just keep smiling at her, a real, soft smile, given time and AT the right times she'll start smiling back and that'll make her feel good (simply put), then you can tease her lightly for it as said and she can only smile back at you again because you're smiling:D

psychosis
05-19-2006, 05:03 AM
It's all about how strong your frame is brother. If you can keep it and get wide and deep rapport (I believe its called connection), then there's a strong chance you will get the close.

R-Evolve-R
05-19-2006, 09:38 AM
Well here is an update on the thread and what actually happened - since this thread is well over a month old.
The girl who the thread was about didn't work out, but the girl I originally said I went out with on tuesday who was also shy is now my girlfriend. Turns out that what I interpreted as IOD's were actually not, she was just acting shy.
After a few phone calls, actually if I were billing by the minute (which is a technique I started using personally, keeping track of minutes spent interacting with someone to see if the 7 hour rule holds up) I spent about 5 hours on the phone with this girl after our "date" (cumulativley over a few days), and then she came over to my place and we made out and cuddled.
She came over again two more times, and on the third we had sex.
It turned out that it simply took her more time to get comfortable enough with me than it would a regular girl. So the 7 hour rule was really the approximate time it took me from meeting her to making out with her at my place, and then it took a little longer to have sex with her.
The lessons I learned are that with shy girls the time line has to be extended, you have to spend more time building trust and comfort. So with a regular girl or girl you meet at a bar or club, use the 7 hours until sex rule, but with a shy girl replace sex with make out/cuddling.
The other lesson is that with shy girls, what we learn are IODs are not always so. Shy behavior patterns resemble IODs, but it doesn't mean she is not interested.
When I talked about my first date with her a week or two ago (already well into the sexual relationship) she recalls how she felt uneasy about me trying to arm and arm her or touch her in any way, and she felt relieved when I didn't pursue kino further. Also, she recalls how she didn't really feel all that much attracted to me like hardcore until after the date when we had our phone conversations. It was at that time that I "won her over" as she says, and she decided to come over to my place to hang out. She said what got her really attracted to me was the way I handled myself, and my "personality", which due to my good phone skills I was able to convey by phone.
When I kept in mind the time line, it really took about 4-7 hours to get her to feel attracted to me and "want me" to be hers.
This is pretty much right on the dot with what mystery teaches about attraction, that for a girl attraction is different than for a guy. A guy knows if he is attracted to a girl right away, in split seconds, whereas a girl who may not like a guy when first meeting him and wouldn't sleep with him WOULD sleep with him 4-7 hours later.
Sticking to the basic rules of David DeAngelo and Mystery and using some of the gambits I learned from this community was pretty much crucial it seems, because she mentions some of the things that she found really hot that got her to want me even more where things I learned from the community. She namley loves the cocky and funny, especially when I do it all the time in public (not necessarily targeted against her).
So yeah, its been about a month now since me and her have been together and I'm pretty happy. I am still staying current in the community and I am being careful to avoid turning into a wussy as David DeAngelo warns. One of the interesting things about that is I don't really have to try. When I first entered the communtiy and discovered this stuff years ago I was all about conciously doing this stuff, but at this point it has changed me to a point where I really don't think about it much anymore, though sometimes I will catch myself about to do something wussy-like and stop myself.
But overall I'm happy and its nice to have someone whose exactly what I was looking for. Not much drama here, she doesn't club/bar (being a shy girl), and she has now opened up to me so she isn't shy around me anymore, and I am getting everything I was looking for in a relationship.

oberion
05-19-2006, 11:05 AM
great update dude.

SinductiveX
05-20-2006, 03:30 AM
Think about getting her to talk about her family and her professional life - college, career etc- and what has worked for me with those shy women is honesty - never play guessing games, be direct, and don't try mind games it won't work either - be direct honest, but know when to back off, take one step forward and one step back. Listen to her she will tell you basically what is most important to you and what she values most, that will help you build common ground with by knowing what you have in common with her. One last thing become a good listener - get direct and hoest about your feelings, back off, and be a good listener, there is a real danger in talking too much - a quiet shy type will not share her thoughts and feelings of you are doing most of the talking; she will feel crowded and will trouble coming out in the open a getting her words out. talk to her but only to get her to talk so you can be a good listener.
SinductiveX

R-Evolve-R
05-20-2006, 07:07 AM
Thanks, Oberion :)
As far as not talking too much, my girlfriend actually tells me that me talking a lot is a big turn on. Definitley though a good strategy is to solicit her opinion or point of view on things, but don't try to force her to talk by not saying anything. You have to keep the flow going, and lead the conversation but include her in it.
I tried just shutting up for a minute to see if she would pick up the slack in the conversation and she didn't. Instead, after a minute, she asked if something was wrong.
The best way I discovered to get her to talk and open up to the point where she wouldn't shut up is to bring up something that jogs a memory of hers and then say "oh my I gotta hear that story!" and once she gets going, she will by herself multithread and keep going.
Example:
Me: Yeah, living on campus aint all its cracked up to be
Her: Definitley, *sigh* tell me about it.
Me: Oh there's gotta be a story behind that!
Her: Well, actually, one time I was.... *story starts*

SinductiveX
05-20-2006, 12:19 PM
Very good point. OFten the "quiet runs deep" theory that quiet people have alot to share they just need the chance doesn't pan out. often the other case is true, they are with you because they expect you to do most of the talking and want you to talk because they find you interesting, funny, whatever. I was safely assuming she had alot to share she just needed to be brought out of her shell. This may not be the case she may expect a dominant role from you and expect you to take the lead.
SinductiveX

Bullitt
05-22-2006, 11:01 PM
*

Bullitt
05-22-2006, 11:04 PM
My take on this and it usually works to build great rapport is something I discovered before getting into the community. What you need to do is a bit like the "natural women" pattern, it is also a bit like a cold read.
Talk about how everyone has two different sides the social side/shield/facade and the one underneith. How everyone acts in two different ways and that someone can be really shy and closed in a group environment but totally different in a familiar environment. You can get about at least 15 mins from this. Find commonalities (or even lie) and say how you used to be quieter and then you started to find confidence. Talk about ways of building confidence.
Obviously you need some subtlety and calibration. Oh and why not gently bust her about being shy, get her laughing that will disarm resistance also.
The idea of running mini cold reads on her every once in a while is, in my experience, a must with shy girls...something that must be continued even after she has warmed up. Even three months in hypothetically, she will get lost in her head from time to time because it is so comfortable there and retreating there is habitual now for many reasons. When you hit on something she wants you to know or wants to be true in a cold read, she will be inclined to let you know for the obvious reasons. More importantly, when you read something she feels you have perceived incorrectly or wishs weren't true, as she grows more comfortable, she'll grow slightly defensive at these 'reads'. Slightly more defensive that non-shy girls because she is obviously sensitive but also because she probably doesn't want to be shy and will jump at a chance to rebut any sort of remark that describes something about her that is congruent with her shy nature. Irrational. It's about denial. She knows she's shy, she knows others can see that but she still wants to believe she occasionally fools people even though she is doing anything but! When she demonstrates this behavior, if you then tease her gently about, bust on her as we say, it will make her feel more vulnerable and more willing to be vulnerable if you frame her defensiveness in a playful and affectionate light. She'll feel as though her "vulnerabilites" will be something endearing, to you. She will see them as something that makes her accessable to you. Something that you will help her acknowledgebut but also safely protect.
Outside of that, good ways to get her to express herself is to look at some of her possesions when you get a chance. Look for patterns in the things she buys at the jewlery store or books, what kind of style she goes for in her room decor what little odds and ends she has in her car. Her decisions about these things are deliberate and she'd love to explain all about them given a chance. You just have to help her articulate.

Mustafa
05-30-2006, 10:58 PM
I'm a rAFC, so I don't have any advice to offer, but I'm intrigued by shy girls as well and have wondered how I would go about approaching and hanging out with one. I would think that some sort of physical activities would be a good idea on a first and maybe second get together. Like go cart racing, snowboarding, possibly dancing lessons (if she's comfortable with that level of closeness) or something. This way, there's less pressure for conversation, (being preoccupied by the activity), you're bonding through shared experiences, and afterwards, when her heart rate/adrenaline/blood flow to the brain is increased, it may be easier for her to converse and open up.
Also, I've been a little shy or inhibited at times during my life, and I would sit out doing something cool with people because of it. I wanted to, I just didn't feel comfortable. I would think that a shy girl would feel the same way at times as well. Wouldn't a good plan be to possibly try create experiences for her where she comes out of her shell and enjoys something she might normally shy away from, and try to create an opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest, at least for an afternoon?
What do you guys think?

czee
06-30-2006, 03:53 PM
Well my going plan right now is to take David DeAngelo's advice about discussing things like hollywood drama, celebrity gossip.
I know all about routines and what not, I am not a newb. But if someone is shy and doesn't participate much in the routines or doesn't get excited about it its not going to work.
For example, after doing the Eliciting Values routine last time around with a shy girl all I got was a "oh, that's cool. I never thought about that. *silence*"
So these things fizzle out real fast.
Let's face it, the Mystery Method's, and lot of other PUA stuff's limiting factor is that its designed to work on outgoing club girls, who are usually not the brightest crayons in the shed. (yes I know I mixed those 3 sayings together). I have opened and ran some routines on girls who are bar going-types and used C&F and negs and they worked beautifuly with those types of girls, but with these shy ones who don't go to bars and clubs regularly its another story.
I've also tried talking about cool things that have happened to me, or things I have heard about, but that too only lasts so long without appearing like I'm bragging.
That's why I am looking for any advice, perferably from people who have exerience with these types of girls, on how to make the date seem less awkward in a way, how to keep the good vibe going.
I am thinking of changing the format entirely in the future from walks in the park, going out for tea, and things of that nature to more action-type dates, but still I need some help for tomorrow!
I'm a bit outta context now since I havn't read everything, but I date almost only girls who rarely go to bars/clubs (for the sake of meeting men), cause they think they're going to meet their `charming prince' or something elsewhere more `intellectual'....
Anyway, that works well with my social background- have you taken her to a symphony, classical concert, or some art exhibit or something? the advantage there is that you don't need to talk at all throughout, but then you can have an intense conversation afterwards about the event (if you read up on the composer or artist/history beforehand, in case you had no idea) and she'd be really impressed with your taste ect. Not the routine stuff but it's really easier than it seems. works well with the shy girls who don't go to clubs etc. one way to attract and begining to build comfort i suppose (not totally internalizing the system).

Subtext
07-01-2006, 07:10 PM
Try changing the environment. Walks in the park and other "conversational" settings can create awkward moments for a shy person. So do something different that takes her out of that. Take her bungee jumping or go karting or something that will get her to concentrate on something other than the pressure for her to contribute to the conversation. If she's too busy bouncing around in a go-kart or trying to keep her balance at a skating rink (or whatever) to worry about conversation, then you might be able to break the ice in a big way, perhaps in a way other guys have not. Even better is that there's a good chance she'll link those positive, exhilerating feelings with you.