View Full Version : Anonymous PM: Several common newbie problems.

04-2006-11, 02:32 PM
The following passage is the result of one of our brothers asking me for some advice. He has some sticking points that linger, despite his study of the game. I'm posting it in the Main Board, because I think some of these SPs are common amongst forum members.

I managed to isolate/timebridge a girl who has been push/pulling me tonight, she is hot she knows it, she is in my social circle ive known her for years, she is an alpha female, she is a dicktease, she rang me about some shit and i asked if she wanted to hang out, so she said yea sure why not, and we did;

First thought: Why is her push/pull working on you? This is a red flag for weakened frame.
Second thought: Why are you gaming a girl from your social circle, when you haven't completed the newbie mission? This is a recipe for disaster.
Third thought: I'm no hypocrite, and I have done the same thing. I stand behind the above two comments, but I also realize the temptation is paramount to caution. In that light, I think the meet up was ok.

Man we went into this quite dead pub i thought to be perfect to run comfort game, so I started trying to escalate etc, i put her hand on my knee, 3 secs later she pulls away, so i turn my back, she starts throwing shit at me, so i turn around re-engage grab ehr hand and put it on there, she pulls it off again and started huge negetive compliance

Ok, you forgot that there is an order to MM. Let's just say A1 is done, since you know her. Did you finish A2? I know you thought she liked you based on her friends' statements, but A2 is more than just knowing she's attracted. It's about seeing and feeling that she is attracted. You have to start each interaction with DHV of some kind, even if you've already closed a girl. They need reminders as to why they will/have opened their legs for you.
You also skipped A3. You MUST qualify a girl before you show interest. You've known this girl for a while, but do you know everything about her? If you're finally going to game her, shouldn't that be based on new information? Or do you want her to know that you've wanted to for a long time, but didn't have the courage? Do you see what I mean? She needs to believe, as do you, that your attraction is both new and based upon getting to know WHO she is. Then you need to make her qualify for your interest.

then I basically told her i love having my kneck biten and to bite me, she said no, i back turned, she called me a baby, and said 'im not biting your kneck lol, thats sexual' dude it was like i dunno fucked up totally, I feel like shit totally, nothing worked i asked her to put her head forward, (so i could pull her hair) she wouldnt let me.

Style's "bite my neck" routine is a Seduction Tool. You may have done some comfort, but without completing Attraction, Comfort leads to LJBF. Then, while in LJBF mode, you tried to move to Seduction! Even if she was in to you, you have to generate mutual attraction, then generate comfort and trust before she'll respond to Seduction.
Attraction is like this: A1 is getting into your car. A2 is inserting the key. A3 is turning the key. Comfort is putting the car into gear, checking your mirrors, and taking off the brake. Seduction is shifting through the gears until you're racing off to the finish line. If you don't do it all in order, the car goes nowhere.

i then went into telling her were not friends just acquintances (as in huge IOD), which upset her alot, she thought i was being serious but i was joking, it really annoyed her I could see it but she didnt let on cos shes an alpha female, and she called me a dicktease, i said and whats a dicktease HB? and she said 'someone who makes you think you have something you dont', (she knows FULL well she herself is a diktease so it was quite funny to have her say it to me)

anonymous, this poor girl did everything she could to help you get back on track. She was giving you ample room to maneuver out of the corner you had gotten yourself into.
You have to remember that communication has two parts. Sending the message, and recieving it. You forgot to recieve her messages!
Don't employ the freeze-out in order to gain compliance. The freeze-out is not about getting your way, it's about allowing the woman time to realize that she wants what you want. Your freeze-out didn't work, because you didn't establish the connection first.
...continued in second post...

04-2006-11, 02:36 PM
...continued from previous post...

basically she came out on the level of being friends just hanging only, and i had other ideas, i tried to kino escalate etc, man i feel like shit, cos i thought it was so on with this chick, i was like 'it takes alot of effort to get into these boxers' and shes like 'yea them virgin boxers' (she knows im a virgin)

Trust me when I say that she knew before the meet, that it was for more than friends interaction. You projected interest from the start. Lucky for you, she was ok with that. She gave you the opportunity to escalate her interest.
Telling her she has to work to get into your boxers only works when she was already thinking about it. Then, it becomes something she wants, but can't have. Otherwise, who cares that it takes work.
Avoid trying to escalate kino until after you have recieved some IOIs. Until you are calibrated, kino can work against you.

she even at one point said im not a girl guy at all??? yet i thought this girl liked me, all her friends told me she liked me some weeks ago (granted its only been till now i escalated)
she then started saying i was wierd and strange (in a non offensive way, she was referring to me wanting to bite my neck and shit)
she then started throwing off loads of disqualifiers, she goes ;
HB; 'you really are strange',
ME; 'yea i am arent i, but normal is boring'
HB; im just a normal girl, we are like opposites
ME; yea thats why wed never work out

This was all an attempt on your part to re-capture the frame. Your instincts were telling you that she had the frame, and you knew you should get it back. Unfortunately this was the wrong way to do it. I won't tell you how to get out of this situation, because if you take my advice, you won't be in it again.
There were a lot of things wrong, some of which I didn't even point out. But don't let that get to you. It's not because you don't have talent or skill.
All the things that went wrong were the result of two things:
1) You mixed up the order of MM.
2) You went in with the wrong frame.
Here's how to fix it:
1) Study and begin the newbie mission. Go read Cedar's step by step guide in the Best Of. If you're not ready for that, read my two post in the Best Of again.
2) She was the prize from the start of that interaction. Pure and simple. You need to sarge women you don't know, so you can be the prize. Then, in a year or so, you can sarge women you have circulating around you.
No she doesn't need to see you with other girls. YOU need to see you with other girls. You need to realize your own worth. Look around for the best posts on frame. Check out my posts, "On framing and game."
If the opportunity comes up to hang with her again, apologize for your behavior. Tell her the truth, that you were acting weird because you were interested in her. (This will make you a complete AFC in her eyes) Tell her you regret it and that you'd like to remain friends, if she'll be kind and forgive you.
That will completely blow you out with her. This is good, because she needs to stay out of the picture, while you get your game together. If you try again, you will fail, and you will get one-itis.
Get better with ALL women, anonymous. Then when one woman comes along, you will know what to do.

04-2006-11, 04:09 PM
IMO opinion this needs to go to the best of. Your definately right this is something that alot of people encounter, myself included.
Nice work Rain.

04-2006-11, 05:26 PM
Messing up the order of MM is a common mistake. I did it inadvertently the other day when I wasn't concentrating and accidentally skipped A3...start Comfort too early, and blew the whole sarge.
Shit happens, I guess.

IMO opinion
In my opinion opinion?

04-2006-11, 05:44 PM
In my opinion opinion?
That was a small test to see who was paying attention and who wasnt. Well done you passed. You will receive a certificate in the mail.

04-2006-11, 06:03 PM
And pie too? I like pie.

04-2006-11, 07:08 PM
Ahem...on topic please.
lol. Stop hyjacking my thread you cretins!

04-2006-11, 07:54 PM
Nice work Rain.

04-2006-12, 01:46 PM
I'm going to hire Rain. How much do you charge for one on one PM consultation?

04-2006-12, 03:05 PM
Yeah dude, straight. Best of...

No Bones
04-2006-12, 05:32 PM
Nice analysis Rain.