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Pantothenic
11-13-2008, 07:03 PM
Here's something I don't hear discussed too much in the attraction field. When I am seeing a woman, especially early on, I don't want to meet her freinds/family. I've done that alot in the past and it always felt awkward, not because I didn't get along with them (I do) but it's a sense that you're on her turf and it's sort of her way of keeping an upper hand, and I can feel the power slipping away. Woman seem to want the group thing going all the time-so they can have friends/boyfriend/family/coworkers under one umbrella. And rarely do they want to meet my friends. It goes downhill from there.

Also, once you go down that road you're in danger of becoming her groupie, which in my opinion kills her attraction for the guy. I've decided to stop doing this altogether and I now refuse to meet friends/relatives till much later. Thoughts?

Pantothenic

Rick White
11-13-2008, 07:25 PM
Panto, that is an interesting question. I think the first time you meet her friends it is a major test. I would approach this like you are auditioning for an important job...Because you are. She needs a man that impresses her friends.

If she keeps wanting to do the group thing repeatedly and you haven't closed yet, I'd say she is tooling you by controling the frame.

But if you find yourself in this situation with a girl you haven't closed it is a good indication that you have turned onto a dead end road and are heading for the friend zone.

What is your status with this girl?

Pantothenic
11-14-2008, 12:31 PM
Hey Rick,
I've just noticed over the years that this keeps happening. Right now I travel for business so it's hard to meet chicks, but I am learning (as another piece of game) that meeting women on the road is an interesting challenge, since they know it's not going to be an LTR. Learning a lot, and getting closer to success.

I thnk you're right, sometimes they could be tooling me and it comes down to what is my status with any given women. But ultimately, I have to full close with her or it does become a frame she controls. I've met/worked with women that I've closed with, the group always knew each other, but I've also failed to close and it was because I allowed her to control the frame as far as F/F goes. They key will be to decide what I will and won't put up with from the beginning.

Tenmagnet
11-14-2008, 01:27 PM
There's nothing wrong with *MEETING* her friends, but hanging out with her friends for more than a few minutes is dead time that totally kills the chemistry.

When you're hanging out with her and her friends, you can't get into deep 1 on 1 conversations, you can't flirt too much, and it's much more difficult to command the conversation. For a few minutes, it's not a big deal, but if you're hanging out with her friends for an hour or more, the chemistry between the two of you can drop to zero.

So I *NEVER* hang out with a girl's friends, at least until we've been together for at least a little while. But I don't want to be rude about it, so I'll usually just make excuses or "be busy" if she invites me out to events with friends.

If it's something important, like a birthday, I might drop by with a friend or two of my own and just "say hi", chat for 5-10 minutes and then take off again. Often that's the best of both worlds; you get to meet the friends, you can impress them and be funny and cool, yet you get to leave before any awkwardness has a chance to develop.