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View Full Version : rAFC, newbie drill, and feeling bummed



BumpSteer
04-07-2006, 03:35 PM
Hey guys,
I took a trip this week and went out of my way to go out when I wasn't otherwise occupied. Wednesday I hooked an hb8, and it was pretty fun. Some slight IOI, but when I told her I was on a trip it went from IOI to just conversation. I'm not big on lying, so..
Later I approached a 4 at a starbucks just for practice; was interesting, but still not getting any IOIs. Honestly, I'm pretty good looking so that 4 might have been like "wtf". But still, no IOIs.
Next day.. opened an HB8 pretty well, and made her laugh, but my opener didn't make her interested enough to stay to talk any more than just the laugh. Also I was dressed ridiculously. Unavoidable at the time, trust me.
Then last night, I went out. I approached a 5 set, the only man was the target's father! and I knew this going in because i had chatted with him before. The place was too loud, and I really had no clue where to go with it, so I bounced.
Next place... I see a seated 3 set, two guys, one hb9. So I go up and start shooting with the guys. She didn't say a WORD for like 5 minutes. I guess it wasn't something she found interesting?? Anyway, I'm not sure exactly, I never got a clear answer if they were BF/GF. In any case I had fun hanging out with them; much more fun than just sitting around drinking a beer by myself on a trip.
Later I started goofing with our waitress (7), but when I asked to look at her ring she seemed not interested; I didn't press.
Anyway.. So.. That is my last couple days.. I have approached, or tried to approach a lot. But I'm not feeling like I'm making progress. Not getting IOIs and, not sure what exactly I'm doing wrong. I don't have AA exactly, but I feel like my openers aren't creating enough interest..
I feel like...... I guess I'm at a hump. My ability to read them has gotten better, and that skill is getter better still. Fuck.. I just need a god damn #close, or something.
-Bump

Hysteria
04-07-2006, 03:43 PM
Yes, it's grueling. Keep at it. As Cedar says, there's a magical land of candy and orgasms on the other side.


Fuck.. I just need a god damn #close, or something.
Careful, you don't want to be outcome-dependent. You want to be process-oriented. You can't go for the hole-in-one if you don't enjoy swinging the club... LOL, sexual puns semi-intended. :D The process must be ENJOYABLE in itself but not necessarily for the reward.
Make sure you have at least one "safety net" routine that acts as your backup parachute when you feel like it's not getting anywhere. Push yourself the extra 20%.
I just realized you may not be hooking them successfully. What's your energy level like when you're entering?

BrotherBeau
04-07-2006, 03:54 PM
Careful, you don't want to be outcome-dependent. You want to be process-oriented. You can't go for the hole-in-one if you don't enjoy swinging the club... LOL, sexual puns semi-intended. :D

Definitely agree with Hysteria. Being outcome dependent makes your prior emotions affect your next encounters. This leads to the Snowball Effect. If you hit big... you'll have the past confidence to hit even bigger. If you get shot down... your low self-worth will make striking out even easier.
It is called Game because you play. Winning is awesome, losing is discouraging... but the beauty of games is that you have the option to play again. So play on my brother, and bring your "A" Game, not your AFC Game.
Also, give yourself a time constraint. Peak her interest, and then leave her hanging. Turn, head out, turn back... and number close.

BumpSteer
04-07-2006, 03:56 PM
No.. I don't feel outcome dependant, but I feel like a #close would give me some validation for what I've been doing. I mean.. In the last week I have approached more than 20 women with only semi-good results.

I just realized you may not be hooking them successfully. What's your energy level like when you're entering?
Energy level? This depends on the set.... I can be really playful off the bat, but I think too many times I've been going in with too much conversation. I do try to bring the set up a notch though.
Not sure what I'm doing tonight, but I'm taking it off. Tomorrow I'm going to see if anyone is going out. I don't feel like sarging on my own.
However, I must say, that the general feeling of approaching groups solo has been pretty fun. Right now, I feel pretty confident going from an outsider to one of the group. Not getting the girl yet, but.. we'll work on that, i guess.
Bump

doc
04-07-2006, 04:09 PM
WTF ?
and how many women did you approach the week before ? or this time last year ?....You did 20 this past week...Excellent !!!
you`re doing fine !

BumpSteer
04-07-2006, 04:14 PM
WTF ?
and how many women did you approach the week before ? or this time last year ?....You did 20 this past week...Excellent !!!
you`re doing fine !
Well, when I'm drinking I can approach a lot of women, and my odds of getting fake #'s goes up a lot :)
Fuck.... OK.. I'll figure my plans out for tomorrow.
-Bump

Onix
04-07-2006, 04:54 PM
Well, when I'm drinking I can approach a lot of women, and my odds of getting fake #'s goes up a lot :)
Fuck.... OK.. I'll figure my plans out for tomorrow.
-Bump
Haha your doing better then you even realize ;)
Dont stop now tho! Dont let set backs de rail you becuase it will feel like that at times.
You are going to feel like all your effort is for nothing!
But i can tell you now stick with it for god sake. You are doing something most men will not even dare to take a step into.
You are aproaching 20 strangers
You are risking rejection
You are risking social embarrsament of being blown out
The amount of guys that will do everything in there power to stray from that situation is HUGE.
Guys will make there own seceret excuses for why they wont what you have done 20 times already.
You are on your way and i urge with everything i have to urge with that you continue :)
All the best and keep this up please for me
Onix-

Smoothlatinkid
04-07-2006, 07:08 PM
I second what every one is saying here, brother. And I say "brother", because you've taken a step. And the reason you're getting love here is that NEARLY ALL OF US HAVE GONE THROUGH IT.
That anxiety, the wanting-it-to-happen-NOW, the am-I-doing-this-right---all of that. I felt exactly like you have, but you must keep going, Daniel-san.
Remember Karate Kid, or any old school kung-fu flick, or the Matrix---the hero had to learn through very unconventional methods---struggled and got his ass-kicked over and over---but at some point, the training starts to kick in, and you will see some results. Down the road...the potential is limitless.
I've been at this for two months--hardcore for the last month. It works. And you're doing well because you are actually IN THE FIELD. That will help you.
Now, just a couple of things that may assist.
--GROOMING. Do you have a goodlooking girl as a friend--or a cool guy that hooks girls? As it's stated over and over, you don't have to be Brad Pitt, but you have to maximize your own potential.
--INNER GAME. So important. Imagine one area you're completely confident. Your job? Golf? Cooking? Knowledge of fine wine? Something. Now TRANSFER and IMAGINE that in the area of women. Visualization is key. Michael Jordan said he smoked a cigar on the way to every game because he wanted to taste that feeling of success (he'd puff one after championships.) Get your mind right. This will take time, but it's worth it.
--SOCIAL HOOK POINT. The canned openers work---you gotten them to laugh--which is an IOI. Take That In---you made her laugh. It's something to build on. If you have a wingman, maybe he can advise you. I would highly suggest finding a wing from the community who will ride with you. Your game will jump.
--A FALL BACK ROUTINE. It was mentioned here before. Have it and use it.
--THE VAH Handbook - you have it, yes? I have most of the ebooks, and by far, this is the most comprehesive. I started with David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating, and moved on to Mystery's book. They're like the Old and New Testament---and they're vital to your success.
Most of all, KEEP GOING. This will pass---and you will be rewarded. Trust us. Good luck.

rnaco
04-07-2006, 07:48 PM
whats to feel bummed about? You are doing a good job. Keep it up. The only thing I would suggest would be to find a good wing. A good wing will keep the energy up, keep the confidence up, and see things you might miss.

BumpSteer
04-08-2006, 04:32 AM
shit..
ok, i was just walking down my street this morning. just got off god damn plane and i'm DRAGGING my carryon because the fucking wheels stopped rolling. And this girl opens me up; totally not my type. She was all tattoo'd up her back, and I'm half in shock. Just some chat, but in retrospect I can see a few ways I could have time bridged her.
Hmm, how many testicles do I have? Let me count; two.
Oh good.
-Bump

BumpSteer
04-08-2006, 05:01 AM
shit..
ok, i was just walking down my street this morning. just got off god damn plane and i'm DRAGGING my carryon because the fucking wheels stopped rolling. And this girl opens me up; totally not my type. She was all tattoo'd up her back, and I'm half in shock. Just some chat, but in retrospect I can see a few ways I could have time bridged her.
Hmm, how many testicles do I have? Let me count; two.
Oh good.
-Bump
OK. After checked the testicle count I went back to where I met her. You see, she was just moving in, so I went back with a bottle of champange (I always keep one in the fridge just in case).. Try Hard, yes, but that was the only move I saw.
(This all happened within a few minutes; I met her, came in, wrote post, then went right back)
I knew I was in trouble when her mom answered the door. Well, the girl just bought the place with her husband. I'm assuming that is why she opened me up, she was feeling all "this is my new nesting ground" thing and wanted to meet the locals.
Yes, I have the VAH.
I look as good as I can; I get compliments on dress fairly regularly
My hooks typically get a good response, but they are usually off the cuff. Then I have nothing to follow it up with; but I need to try transitioning that initial hook into a routine.. My A1 to A2 is rough..
I have nothing for a fallback.. Problem!
So far, when I approach, my inner game feels solid. Today, after I found out the girl was married (for christ sake), I was feeling like just turning around and BOLTING. But, that was by far the worst dive bomb yet, and even so, it wasn't THAT bad. We just made smalltalk about the area for a bit, and I got out of there.
-Bump
(BTW: I kept my champange)

string theorist
04-08-2006, 10:13 AM
I'm three nights into my newbie mission. I've approached more girls in the last three nights than I have in the last three years, maybe longer. Honestly, even if my game is non-existant I still have an infinitely greater chance of getting lucky than I did before.
I don't even care if I get numbers or anything cause I'm just having a blast gaming. It's fun to play with them... it gives going out a new and interesting perspective.
You should have the same mindset! If nothing else, you're out there meeting people. An aspiring martial artist wouldn't exect to defeat a master after a couple weeks of training, and likewise you shouldn't expect to defeat your targets after only a few times out. Instead, be happy that you're bettering yourself with knowledge that most don't have the priveledge of learning.

Virus
04-08-2006, 11:02 AM
Haha, now I know what I'm gonna feel like when it's my turn at the newbie drill next month... :)
Reading your post inspires me, that you should know. When someone takes the time to go out and meet 20 strangers ( could be more cold approaches than in an average losers lifetime perhaps... ) he is destined for success. At least that is my hopes after warming up last night with 15 people opened.
And if I'm not getting it wrong, the point of the drill is to eliminate approach anxiety and practice stacking a small number of canned material, so as to help making it seem natural while making slight, barely noticeable progress over time.
It's like in bodybuilding, which I have taken up as a lifestyle to improve myself. If you're not a genetic monster ( like a mr. Olympia winner ), but an average person, you'll have to increase the weights incrementally in order to get stronger and build solid muscle mass. Putting on 45 pounds/20 kgs right away on your current benchpress will make it very difficult in the long run to actually sustain on a consistent basis ( kind of like "fool's mate" when you manage to lift it on occasion ). Especially when your friends taunt you or you compare with someone super-successful.
But if you put on just 1 pound every other workout, your body will get used to it, build the necessary muscle and at the end of the year.... you will have increased your best bench by maybe even 60 pounds! And 150 pounds or so in 3 years. That makes A LOT of difference.
PU is the same.
Virus/Sweden

doc
04-08-2006, 11:06 AM
lol.
You either Open-do....or Open-don`t...but you don`t Open-maybe...
Karate Kid...

Rain
04-08-2006, 12:39 PM
Dude!
I would have handed her the bottle of bubbley and said "welcome to the neighborhood."
Keep at it, once that fear begins to subside, you will start thinking on your feet more easily. Fear clouds your other instincts because it is supposed to keep you safe. Once you condition yourself to feel safe in interactions, the fear will dissipate and you will feel smarter, quicker, and more at ease in situations like that.

avenged
04-09-2006, 01:16 AM
At about 50 approaches you will be accustomed to approach anexity. At about 150 approaches you won't be able to remember the faces of girls you have previously opened. At about 200 approaches you will not give a fuck about blowing out and will find it funny.

CraZe
04-09-2006, 02:36 AM
Heh, you are so me, man. This is my exact situation...spending all this time indoors studying, and not nearly enough in the field! Right now, just saying "Hi" to people is a thrill, so whatever...keep working at it! I know I will...
PS: Anyone in the MD area need a wing? :D