View Full Version : Have I blown this?

10-2008-26, 06:51 PM
The fact I'm asking means I probably have blown this, but just wondering if I can get a second opinion:

I'm a law student, had one real date and one hanging out after class with this undergrad who is in my legal history class. She's HB7. Date went really well, she was throwing lots of IOIs and got the kiss close easily.

Now, when we were hanging out after class, and this was on Tuesday, we were at the cafeteria. It also went well, except for the end. I told her to get back to work and was making to leave, we both stood up, she dodged the kiss, turned into an awkward hug and said something like "I'm not big on PDA". She made have even said it before I went for it. Kind of a blur of stupidity now.

On Thursday she skipped class but texted me asking for notes, we threw a few playful messages back and forth. I e-mailed her the notes Thursday night, but no response, not that I expected one.

Friday I texted her once and facebook messaged her once, did not get a reply to either. I would have expected one here.

So I forgot about her, went out and had a good weekend. But I've got class with her on Tuesday and am wondering if people still think I have a chance. Its Sunday night now, I haven't heard a peep from her. (Prior to the awkward hug I had got the random drunk texts from her once and a while.)

Furthermore: I'm heading back to Toronto for law interviews and she's just by chance coming to the city as well. Earlier, I offered to take her out in Toronto and she came back excited, wanting to go out.

So now: I've clearly come on too strong. On Tuesday I have class with her again. She always gets to class 10-15 minutes early. I also have a class on Thursday before I leave for Toronto. Have I lost this one? Get there early to see what kind of response I'm getting? Should I try to talk to her after? If I am not getting anything solid, do I text her at some point about Toronto? Or do I just wait it out and see if she eventually comes around to me. Obviously the whole time I just play confident and cool.

Thanks boys.

10-2008-26, 09:11 PM
Yeah the problem with people that post here is the make broad generalizations of what happened yet they have no idea how to make those genealizations accuratly or state the right details.

Now, when we were hanging out after class, and this was on Tuesday, we were at the cafeteria. It also went well, except for the end. I told her to get back to work and was making to leave, we both stood up, she dodged the kiss, turned into an awkward hug and said something like "I'm not big on PDA". She made have even said it before I went for it. Kind of a blur of stupidity now.

Here is the time period where you messed it up, you did something, and if we don't know what that is then it is impossible to accurately help you. I've done 3 follow up studies with posts that have similar issues with simplifying broad events in their posts and every single reply they got in each example was never accurate when i followed up on the issue.

Yours is a perfect example of this whole thing. Don't be insecure, you know what happened word for word and we're not going to embarrass you in your own thread if that's the issue here.

10-2008-26, 09:19 PM
Yeah, we need to know what exact words were said etc, and I don't blame you if you don't want it all written out.

My guess is that you lost any chance you had after you gave her the notes, it would've just solidified your position as her bitch who'd do what you asked of her, particularly as she hadn't done anything for you at that point.

Since you kissed, salvaging a friendship probably isn't possible, unless you make up a story about meeting some amazing girl over the weekend, so it isn't awkward.

10-2008-27, 02:57 AM
K, I'll try to provide better details.

I'm trying to recall, but this is how I think the patch went:

We talked for about 30 minutes, went well, getting IOIs the whole time. We were in one of the large cafeterias on campus. I ended the conversation, not wanting to run out of things to say first. We both stood up. I think she said something like "I won't kiss you here, I hate PDA, but I'll give you a hug". I went for the kiss anyway, got shot down with body language and it turned into an awkward hug.

So that was Tuesday. Notes were Thursday. I texted/fb messager her Friday, and that's the extent of it.

She was really digging me going into Tuesday. I know because of what she was asking my friends at a bar a couple of weeks back about me (stuff like: is he seeing someone? did he just leave with a girl?) and I was getting all the good IOIs. I just hope its not shot dead now. The advice from a female friend who's good at this stuff was to act like we were back at square one. Any thoughts?

10-2008-27, 03:14 AM
A couple more details I thought of:

Before I would say that I'd get her the notes I made her rephrase her text more politely, then I made her say that she'd give me her notes, she responded to both and playfully accepted my terms.

Also, the two messages I sent her on Friday: fb one said "not going out tonight?" because it said she was online (although it timed out eventually, so I guess she actually wasn't) and the text I can't remember, but I wouldn't have sent any long message or said anything concrete.

The more I think about it, the less I think I've totally blown this, but clearly I'm on damage control. I'm now thinking I play this cool for two or three weeks, act like nothing ever happened, and see if I start getting good signals again. The girl I was getting advice from was saying that if I don't act like I'm interested, but still act confident etc., she'll eventually think that she was the one who screwed up in the cafeteria. (At least this explanation helps my confidence)

Thanks in advance.

10-2008-27, 03:18 AM
Look I'm not going to give you any advice here, but I am going to make you feel a whole lot better.

I dated the two hottest girls in my Health Sciences class of 15 people. A third of which actually speak proper english, and I've done this to both of those girls.

The first wasn't too forward.

The second was way too forward.

So when you think things can't get worse, think about doing it twice!

10-2008-27, 05:06 AM
I've still got 24 hours until I see her, but here's what I'm thinking:

Maybe I've blown this, maybe I haven't. I'll show up a little early, enough to just get a few flirtatious/playful words in, but nothing overly so, just to see the response, look for IOIs. And I guess I take it from there. If I think things were positive, I'll talk to her after for a bit but stay in control of the conversation and end it early. Do the same thing on Thursday, and then after that class see if she would still like to go out in Toronto.

Obviously if I'm getting stonewalled I'll back off well before I get to that.

If we are talking, would it be helpful to bring up that awkward moment? Laugh it off, turn it into a neg? (I was thinking "I'm way too busy for these games" or something like that. I'm in law school, so the busy excuse is permanently available.)

I'd normally just give up and lose interest, I mean, my last gf was at least a HB8, but there's something about this HB7 that improves her score... Not sure yet.

Thoughts? Thanks.

10-2008-27, 01:09 PM
Follow up:
So she came on Facebook, I cracked and messaged her. She kept asking me questions and such and driving the conversation, so those all seem good.

She told me how funny the class notes I lent her are. Seems like I'm not in such bad standing after all. Thanks for the opinions/help. I guess I'm like most people, I just need some reassurance once and a while.

Thanks and good luck boys.

10-2008-27, 01:23 PM
You need to chill. She didn't kiss you in public because that's what you do with your boyfriend, and you aren't that. The most normal thing you could have done when she mentioned not being into PDA was say, "Neither am I," but you got uncomfortable and she picked up on it. Not great, but ordinarily NOT A DEAL BREAKER. Just relax.

You are playing things too safe, as if you're afraid of losing. You wouldn't do this if she was an average-looking girl who was really into you. You'd be relaxed and make plans when you wanted, and not worry if you were screwing things up every step of the way. She's just a girl.

10-2008-27, 01:31 PM
So very true.

10-2008-27, 02:11 PM
Vapor is absolutely right. This is why when we teach gys in our bootcamps and in our 1-On-1's that you typically try to get the girl into isolation before trying to kiss her. Her lack of wanting to kiss you more than likely had nothing to do with what was talked about and everthing to do with trying to do it in public. Girls will do some of the sickest shit in private that they wouldn't even talk about in public. So be cognisent of this. By not doing that you will demonstrait poor social intuition and therefore lower value.

The bigger issue here is your overall reaction. Just reading your posts you subcomunicat neediness. This will make women run.

You tried to force the kiss even though she already told you she didn't like PDA as if you had to have that reassurance that she liked you. You already had a bunch of IOI's so why do you need the kiss??????

She didn't respond right away and your first inclination was to go into crissis mode texting her and e-mailing her. Honestly 1 medium would have been sufficient. Plus sometimes people are just buisy. If you bombard them with communication attempts you look really needy and again you are tring to force the relationship.

You want to hurry up and show up to class early hoping to see her and have a chance to talk to her. NEEDY

Go back and look at all of your posts. Just the shear number..... You were writing even when people hadn't responded back like you just had to have some kind of headway on this issue even if you had to push it along.

Ok first off don't think I am judging you and being harsh. Cause I'm not. I just wish someone in my past had slapped me the numerouse times I had been in your shoes. This is just a girl..... You need to really sit back and relax...... Breath....... And realize that its not the end of the world even if this girl called you a stalker and told you to Fuck off! You have how many other girls in how many other classes?

I'm sure you have heard this before but I am going to tell it to you again so you see its application here:

There is a younger bull and a older bull standing on a ridge looking out over a heard of cows. The young bull looks at the older bull and says, "Why don't we run down there and fuck one of those cows?" The older bull looks at the younger one with a smile and says "No! We will just walk down there and fuck them all!"

Point is back off this chick a little and play it cool while still persuing her. The finness here is just control the controlables and relax and let the uncontrolables take care of themselves. You won't win everthing but you will definitely increase your chances.