View Full Version : Finding Your Identity

10-23-2008, 06:09 PM
Yo! This is sorta a repost of another much longer, much more dull thread I wrote, that I ended up splicing to answer a question on a different forum. It's now actually readable and interesting ;-) so I thought I'd repost it here for you:

It's a reply to the question:

Guys I'm having trouble finding out my identity and who I am at my core, I just don't know and it's fucking up my transformation.

How do I establish that connection to my core self, and become in touch with who I am and be creative?

Hey man,

I think you're ultimately going to find the search for your 'identity' a little fruitless...

Your identity is fluid. While it's a sum of your experiences, it's easily and quickly changed. Attaching any meaning to it, especially any moral or social meaning to it is largely pointless. Whatever it is you're trying to find by getting a clear picture of who you are is a wild goose chase.

Maxwell Maltz talks about this in his excellent book Psycho-Cybernetics. Our 'self-concept', our view of our identity is often resistant to evidence, and not based in our actual actions.

Perhaps the closest you'll come if you're determined to chase this down is what Steve Covey calls 'Principles' in the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". To elicit them, imagine you attend your funeral. What would you want the people you worked with to say about you? What about your family? Friends? Lovers, past and present? But even these change with time.

Ekhart Tolle would say that your search for a defineable identity is your egoic mind trying to assert its false importance - a concept and set of ideas that escape easy definition, although I found listening to the audio book of "The Power of Now" as I was drifting off to sleep helped me come to profound personal realisations.

Most people, searching for their 'identity' are really trying to find a solid foundation on which to build their self-esteem. Views about themselves which they can present as evidence to their egoic mind for acting in certain ways. TD, in The Blueprint Decoded, talks about feeling like a pimp when you've bought a cool new pair of shoes. Suddenly you feel you look cool, and feel you now 'deserve' to talk to hotter girls.

Building your self-esteem is a wide topic so suffice to say: most people, when searching for their 'identity' are really just searching for a basis for their self-esteem. Your urgency and desire to search for a fixed identity will diminish as your core self-esteem grows.

Searching for your 'identity' is usually how people describe the beginnings of building self-esteem. Finding consistent elements in themselves that they can trust, and that they can present to themselves as evidence of worthiness. For that? Get yourself out and expose yourself to new experiences. But yourself in situations where you're forced to rely on yourself, and trust yourself. Many people find travelling helps


Fuzzy Slippers
10-25-2008, 02:36 PM
Thanks Sheriff.

I needed that.