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GenePoole
09-06-2008, 11:15 AM
So, I get chatting with this girl in a hostel. Everything seems cool and despite her not wanting beers originally, she decides she'd like to go for a beer with me. We get chatting have lots in common and she knows I'm out of town for a day - she IOI's by asking when I'm back, playing with her hair, laughing at my jokes, suggesting 1 more beer. This was a few hours in total. I don't try anything on at the end of the night and we go back to our respective rooms. She says she'll email me. She befriends me on facebook and I find out she is in a relationship. She suggested we hang out tomorrow when some of her friends are about. No idea if one is her BF - she mentioned 2 friends coming to the hostel but never even mentioned a bf though I suspect that's why we stopped at 2 beers.
Do I ask her about the bf at an opportune moment and make my intentions clear? I doubt she'll do anything with her friends about.
She must have known I was chatting her up!

SpeedDemon
09-06-2008, 01:45 PM
If she's staying at a hostel there's a good chance that there's more than one thing she's looking to explore...

sdnightfly
09-06-2008, 02:01 PM
I wouldn't bring it up.

alkaloids
09-06-2008, 02:44 PM
Pretty much never bring up the BF. If she's not using it to shoot you down, don't worry about it.

GenePoole
09-06-2008, 04:02 PM
The problem is that now that I know I need to be extra confident in myself before I go for a kiss. Unless she was using facebook to tell me- though she did add me as a friend fairly quickly.
At least have a failsafe if she says no- maybe ask if she's happy if it goes wrong.
The friends worry me as that may increase her ASD but she sounded like she wanted to hang out. I guess kino her and see the response?

alkaloids
09-06-2008, 04:26 PM
"Are you happy? Does everything feel ok? Do you want something different? Am I doing something wrong? What's the matter? Why are you walking off?"

Well clearly you don't want to kino escalate much in front of the friends, since they're the root of ASD. You gotta isolate, and then just go for it. Who cares, it's just some hottie in a hostel.

GenePoole
09-06-2008, 05:28 PM
I doubt she 's gonna make the first move even if she is showing IOIs. Maybe I need a few more though I'm pretty sure I'm reading this right.
I can only isolate at the end of the night and as she's sharing a room with them they'll know anyway. As long as they're not close friends with the BF. Sounds complicated.

Deluxehardballer
09-06-2008, 06:03 PM
Coax her along in her inevitable decision.

suzhesin
09-06-2008, 07:19 PM
sounds like you need to work on your inner game a little more and not be so afraid to escalate. And BF? So, what? If she's willing to see you again obviously she's willing to cheat, and maybe she lists herself on facebook as "in a relationship" to keep every guy from hitting on her. Just have some confidence and you'll do fine.

Lansing
09-06-2008, 09:49 PM
Yeah, just go with the flow. Unless she mentions her boyfriend directly to you don't be too concerned with that. As mentioned above, it could be just to keep guys away/stop bugging her

sdnightfly
09-07-2008, 09:29 AM
Unless her boyfriend's photos are plastered all over the place on her webpage. I agree with suzhesin, you could just say that you figured she put down "in a relationship" to keep the online guys away, and have had to deal with stalker chicks so you can relate.

GenePoole
09-07-2008, 04:38 PM
Well, there are a couple of her boyfriend but no idea how serious. I'm sure I'm higher value anyway!
May be difficult to meet up as I'm moving city and hostel so can only keep in contact online for a few months before we're both back in the same country.
Think it's okay to call her sexy online or is that too forward for game at this stage. Do I need to make the intention clear or just flirt harmlessly?

mspeach
09-07-2008, 06:21 PM
sounds like you need to work on your inner game a little more and not be so afraid to escalate. And BF? So, what? If she's willing to see you again obviously she's willing to cheat, and maybe she lists herself on facebook as "in a relationship" to keep every guy from hitting on her. Just have some confidence and you'll do fine.
Actually this is very true, I know girls who list themselves as "married" even, just to cut down on the random myspace/facebook creeps.

I say up the playful kino and see where it goes! See if you can get her in a tickle fight/play fight(a way to draw her in physically without making her feel like she's cheating), then you're golden ;)

GenePoole
09-08-2008, 05:05 AM
Well, there are a couple of her boyfriend but no idea how serious. I'm sure I'm higher value anyway!
May be difficult to meet up as I'm moving city and hostel so can only keep in contact online for a few months before we're both back in the same country.
Think it's okay to call her sexy online or is that too forward for game at this stage. Do I need to make the intention clear or just flirt harmlessly?

any thoughts?

alkaloids
09-08-2008, 06:50 AM
Think it's okay to call her sexy online or is that too forward for game at this stage. Do I need to make the intention clear or just flirt harmlessly?


Depends on you and your frame and your calibration and your non-skeeziness, but I can't imagine not being able to pull off calling a girl sexy any time any where. Unless maybe it was like my boss, but I don't have a woman boss so...

Don't "make the intention clear" just do it. You're WAY over-thinking/analyzing this with that whole boyfriend-non-issue.

Go go go go go.

GenePoole
09-10-2008, 08:10 PM
well I emailed and started it with hi sexy and some joking around in the message :)
She replied but didn't really flirt back. She still didn't reference the BF either.
Opinion?

Poetic
09-11-2008, 04:49 AM
The exact same thing happened to me. I gamed a girl, got IOIs, number-closed, found her on Facebook and saw that she was in a relationship (and there were pictures too...). So, I gave her up! It's not like I was in love with her (in which case I would have pursued her), and there are so many other girls.

I don't want to destroy a relationship, it's a horrible thing to do just for sex. There are three cases: 1. I fail, either by screwing up or just because she has a boyfriend, 2. I succeed, causing her to cheat on her boyfriend and the relationship to fall apart. I am not interested in anything more than sex, so after that, she and he will both be left sad and alone. 3. I succeed, and somehow it just coincided with the break-up from her boyfriend (or they had an open relationship, or other such exceptions).
I can't tell the difference between 2 and 3 beforehand, so I just don't go there. Civilization got us past casually stealing other people's girlfriends even though we aren't really interested in them.
That's just my view on the case, of course, I can't claim universality, but I have never heard solid argumentation against it (except "but I am a despicable person". Fair enough.)

GenePoole
09-11-2008, 04:50 PM
I agree but I want to keep in contact for a possible relationship or if she ever breaks up. You act like the girl cheating was forced by you. If they're cheating then they shouldn't be in a relationship anyway.
So, how should I respond seeing as the only IOIs on her email reply were questions?

FemmeFatale
09-11-2008, 05:00 PM
I agree but I want to keep in contact for a possible relationship or if she ever breaks up. You act like the girl cheating was forced by you. If they're cheating then they shouldn't be in a relationship anyway.
So, how should I respond seeing as the only IOIs on her email reply were questions?

Sometimes, girls, even when taken will fuck with a guys head because its fun. They might not even be attracted to him.. but sometimes girls will pick a random target and simply see how far they can push him and if they can get him to ask her out...and if the girl is taken, its only makes it more challenging...and as there are no real intentions here from her behalf, its all fun and games (and a bit of an ego boost) Just thought Id throw it out there.

GenePoole
09-11-2008, 05:59 PM
I doubt she's the type for that and I like to think I'm a good judge. She's either intrigued or thinks we could be friends or maybe a backup. I have to keep trying for a bit but being that I got no IOIs back (apart from questions) not sure how to play it now. It's an ego boost for me too:)