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View Full Version : Maybe this will help you maybe it won't



Keldas
07-25-2008, 06:28 AM
I've been on this board for six months or so, and at it has kind of screwed with my brain. I've now realised why and have outlined my observations. So here goes, these are my top 10 grumbles about the PUA scene. I have posted these comments not to discourage people from trying to get better with women but to help those who may have inadvertently fallen into one or more of these mindsets. Maybe my comments will help, maybe they won't. I just hope they stimulate some debate...

1) Needing an answer to every question - some guys feel that they can't make a decision on even the smallest thing - such as texting a girl on a particular day - without seeking advice from other 'PUAs' on boards such as this one. I admit that I myself have requested advice on these boards - and am thankful for the feedback I have got - but I like to think I know where to draw the line. I saw a story on the news the other night about a person who dialled 999 (that would be 911 in the States) and asked the person on the other line how she could find her spectacles. Reading some of the posts on this forum reminds me of that.

2) Hero worship - surely there is someone else out there that you can aspire to be rather than a 6ft 5 inch former magician with a history of depression?

3) Wanting to be a PUA - so you'd like to be a hollow person who views sex as a drug, is never sexually satisfied, and is afraid of falling in love?

4) Becoming obsessed with the subject of women and sex - I admit that I fell into that trap earlier this year. The trouble with forums like this is that they are pretty addictive. One needs to haul oneself off the computer and realise that there is more to life than women and sex. Yes, really!

5) The belief that if I had done this one thing differently I would have got the girl. This idea seems to be in common circulation around here. Excuse me, aside from yourself, a girl was involved in the interaction. Perhaps something was going on in her mind too! There seems to be a spurious belief that the guy has sole responsibility for making the interaction go well. Maybe guys just like to self flagellate themselves publicly on Internet forums...

6) Changing one's personality to make oneself more attractive to women - you are quite perfect as you are. Really you are. You don't need to turn yourself into an "alpha" person (whatever that means). Being afraid of going up to a women is perfectly natural - its probably hardwired into our genes. If you're afraid of calling up a woman or going out on a date, just realise that you are experiencing a level of fear. Fear is an emotion; it is not actually you, although you might consider your emotions to be "you". And if you think you need to be incredibly charming, witty and smart to pickup women have a look at some of the sorry specimens out there who are dating hot women. Oh, but they have money and status you may counter. Well, in some case that may be true, but in many cases these guys are completely clueless. Let's not forget there are plenty of single women out there who don't want to be left on the shelf and will settle for some nob end...

7) Treating your love life like it is some kind of exam - all this emphasis on sarging is a bit grotesque. Of course its good to talk to women - how else are you going to meet them? But the whole idea of spending an evening just going from one set to another and keeping a tally of it all...what tfk? Can you not just go out and have some fun with your friends and talk to women when you feel the whim? Acting like this is going to suck all sense of spontaenity and joy out of your life and turn you into a frikin sarging robot. I tried it for a few months, and boy, was I happy when I stopped.

8) This product or that product will change my life - no it won't. Sorry. Your life will change when you feel comfortable with yourself. When you achieve a level of self-love and acceptance then you will notice that other people around you - both men and women - will respond more positively. When you are no longer demanding that life gives you everything on a platter, you will start to reap the benefits.

9) Needing validation from other guys - you've got to ask yourself why are you posting your lay report on the forums. Presumably to get some validation from someone, right?

10) Becoming a keyboard jockey and posting lots of comments about the scene - yes, I admit I stand guilty of this offence! I am going to take a break from these forums now, I think it will do me some good...

Dagon
07-25-2008, 02:28 PM
1) Needing an answer to every question - some guys feel that they can't make a decision on even the smallest thing - such as texting a girl on a particular day - without seeking advice from other 'PUAs' on boards such as this one. I admit that I myself have requested advice on these boards - and am thankful for the feedback I have got - but I like to think I know where to draw the line. I saw a story on the news the other night about a person who dialled 999 (that would be 911 in the States) and asked the person on the other line how she could find her spectacles. Reading some of the posts on this forum reminds me of that.

This is very common among beginners, myself included when I started out. It is not that bad and it is the result of still being confused about social interactions and dynamics because of limited experience. I said that it is not that bad because, with time, almost everyone realizes that it is pointless and abandons it. Just like a stage you have to pass through.


2) Hero worship - surely there is someone else out there that you can aspire to be rather than a 6ft 5 inch former magician with a history of depression?

I can't speak for others but that depressed magician you refer to is responsible for an unbelievable improvement in my life. You have no idea how happy I am right now and while I am not worshiping anyone I know how much I owe him.[/quote]


3) Wanting to be a PUA - so you'd like to be a hollow person who views sex as a drug, is never sexually satisfied, and is afraid of falling in love?

100% agree


4) Becoming obsessed with the subject of women and sex - I admit that I fell into that trap earlier this year. The trouble with forums like this is that they are pretty addictive. One needs to haul oneself off the computer and realise that there is more to life than women and sex. Yes, really!

Yes, there is one thing more important than women - money! Believe it or not, we are dominated by the rules of evolution and according to them, first comes survival, then replication. You can't simply change that no matter how much of a spiritual person you are. I am not saying that there aren't other things that add up to one's life, but most of them are certainly less important than success with women.


5) The belief that if I had done this one thing differently I would have got the girl. This idea seems to be in common circulation around here. Excuse me, aside from yourself, a girl was involved in the interaction. Perhaps something was going on in her mind too! There seems to be a spurious belief that the guy has sole responsibility for making the interaction go well. Maybe guys just like to self flagellate themselves publicly on Internet forums...

This is so gold! A few months ago I have the same stupid mindset you just mentioned, believing that it's all on my hands, propably because of the community's brainwashing. Realizing that you are only half of the equation is extremely important on so many levels.


6) Changing one's personality to make oneself more attractive to women - you are quite perfect as you are. Really you are. You don't need to turn yourself into an "alpha" person (whatever that means). Being afraid of going up to a women is perfectly natural - its probably hardwired into our genes. If you're afraid of calling up a woman or going out on a date, just realise that you are experiencing a level of fear. Fear is an emotion; it is not actually you, although you might consider your emotions to be "you". And if you think you need to be incredibly charming, witty and smart to pickup women have a look at some of the sorry specimens out there who are dating hot women. Oh, but they have money and status you may counter. Well, in some case that may be true, but in many cases these guys are completely clueless. Let's not forget there are plenty of single women out there who don't want to be left on the shelf and will settle for some nob end...

Excuse me, but here you are giving really bad advice. In fact you are calling others to continue as pathetic losers for the rest of their lives. If everyone was as perfect as you say, why the hell most of us face so many difficulties on our social interactions (before finding the community anyway)? Believing that you are king doesn't make you one. Becoming a king does.


7) Treating your love life like it is some kind of exam - all this emphasis on sarging is a bit grotesque. Of course its good to talk to women - how else are you going to meet them? But the whole idea of spending an evening just going from one set to another and keeping a tally of it all...what tfk? Can you not just go out and have some fun with your friends and talk to women when you feel the whim? Acting like this is going to suck all sense of spontaenity and joy out of your life and turn you into a frikin sarging robot. I tried it for a few months, and boy, was I happy when I stopped.

Depends on how you see it.


8) This product or that product will change my life - no it won't. Sorry. Your life will change when you feel comfortable with yourself. When you achieve a level of self-love and acceptance then you will notice that other people around you - both men and women - will respond more positively. When you are no longer demanding that life gives you everything on a platter, you will start to reap the benefits.

More heavy theory here. You are making the common mistake believing that confidence is everything while it is just 'something'. Competence is what makes you 'the man'.


9) Needing validation from other guys - you've got to ask yourself why are you posting your lay report on the forums. Presumably to get some validation from someone, right?

If someone doesn't have a question, then he usually doesn't post FRs and LRs. But even if he does, I think it has a positive, motivating effect on others, especially guys that just started out.


10) Becoming a keyboard jockey and posting lots of comments about the scene - yes, I admit I stand guilty of this offence! I am going to take a break from these forums now, I think it will do me some good...

I have no respect for KJs. They hide behind their PCs' screens afraid to go out and make some approaches... Sometimes I think that it would have been better for them if they hadn't discovered the community.