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View Full Version : New Openers from your pal, Humorus.



HumorUS
07-18-2008, 11:55 PM
I was out just playing my game, being silly and talking to everyone in the club. Im walking around just having a blast.. I came up with 2 openers that had a real nice laugh and hook to both of em... I have come to discover that opening is really my specialty..

I love it.. I dont have fear, i get anxious.. Im always asking my friends to point out girls they want me to talk to.. I look at this like a challenge, and i go up to em, and they watch me go to work.. They are amazed.. and that makes me feel really good.

well, i did this first opener.. Its gotta be HIIIIIIIGH ENERGY! PLAYFUL!!!

Walk by the set and glance at one of the girls, look away, and do a DOUBLE TAKE like if you realize its a friend that you havent seen in a looooooong time.

me: OHHH MY GOOOOOOD!!!! IS THAT YOU?!?!?! (spread arms open and wait for the hug)

Her: (not to feel embarassed goes to hug... HAHAHA SUCKER!)

Me: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??? I heard you had a baby.. hows your baby??

Her: ohh ive been doing real good, yeah.. i had a baby.. shes a year old now!

me : (LUCKY FUCKIN GUESS!! HAHAHA) Oh My GOD that is precious! Who are your friends?

She introduces me, and i pay attention to her actions.. she is listening to me introduce myself so she can catch my name and figure out who the fuck i am.

Me: Oh hi, Im Raymond, Everybody loves me.

Friends Laugh..

Friend one: How do you know TARGET??

Me: Oh honestly, i have no idea who the hell she is, but it seemed like a cool way to come and talk to you girls.

ALL LAUGH HARD!

Target: Howd you know i had a baby?

Me: well, i guess it was a 50/50 shot .. i was either gonna be right or wrong Lucky guess.. i guess..

LAUGH AGAIN..

Im already in the set, and these girls cant believe my ballsiness.. they FUCKING LOVE IT! I entertain them for a good 20 minutes, but then i got bored and moved on to another set..

Tonight i must have done about 40 approaches.. EASY! it was alot of fun, lots of practice. I tried this approach twice tonight, and both got good responses.. The chances of you meeting a girl that says "I dont fucking know you " is pretty slim.. so it was a good one in my eyes.


SECOND OPENER,

I was walking to the restroom, and i saw a group of girls on the table by the mens room..

I walk by and stop.. Look over shoulder and say

Me: Ladies, I know you can do better than that.. Lurking around outside the mens room to see check out the guys walking by is no way to pick up guys.. Its actually kind of creepy.. Im not criticizing you girls, but im just letting you know that its a little perverted.. I'll be right back, im going to the restroom to freshen up.. But theres something really important i need to talk to you about.

When i came out, they were waiting for me and even pulled up a chair.

I guess its all about delivery.. i was on a roll tonight.

noname25
07-19-2008, 06:12 PM
those are awesome man .... im going to use them

HumorUS
07-19-2008, 11:52 PM
EASY OPENER!!! Tried it tonight!!

Blonde and a brunette 2 set both HB 8s

Walk up , sexy as usual.

me: So, is it true? Blondes have more fun?

Girls: (Look at each other for reassurance)

Me: wait, are you all best friends?

Girls look at each other again and Nod a Synchronized yes.

Me: (best friends routine) So where was i? oh yeah, so which one of the 2 of you has more fun

Blonde: i guess we both have the same amount of fun
Brunette agrees.

Me: Oh, dont let her boss you around like that, just cause you have dark hair, doesnt mean you have to follow her.. As a matter of fact, I prefer brunettes. blondes are okay, but I can see your roots. and youre not really a blonde. :-D

(slaps on the arm from both girls)

Blonde: thats not very nice of you

Me: Youre right, but at least im sexy..

Both girls Giggle.

Listen, i got to get back to my friends , but it was good meeting you both.

Girls: Why dont you bring your friends over here?

Me: cause you guys arent cool enough :-) haha

Girls: (playful) Whatever, Blonde: you probably dont have any friends here.

Me: Yeah.. youre right, im just sitting all alone... just waiting for someone to come talk to me.. aww BOOO HOOO... ohhhh wait, thats exactly what you all were doing right now ..

Girls laugh

me: Listen, i'll bring my friends over here on one condition, You both give me a kiss on the cheek at the same time.. I have to take a picture for myspace so i can make my exgf jealous..

SIDE NOTE* Girls love making other girls jealous.. THIS HAS NEVER FAILED FOR ME!!!!

They agree, i get kisses from both directions, get an AMOG to take a pic..

AMOG: damn bro, im jealous (trying to get in on the set)

Me: dont be, im gay ;-)

AMOG gets scared and turns the fuck around and leaves.

Girls: ARE YOU REALLY GAY???

Me: FUCK NO.. i just wanted to see how secure he was with his sexuality.. Apparently the results speak for themselves.. Lets look at the pic.

Girls: Ohhh wow, this looks soooo good..

I grab the camera and they both sit on each side of me... lean in close..

Me: Ladies, SOME BREATHING ROOM WOULD BE APPRECIATED.. stop trying to find an excuse to touch me, and just do it already..

and they both touched me... (that was new.. I'll keep it.)

I looked at the pic again..

me: This is a sexy picture.. I just gotta crop you guys out and it'll be even sexier.

Girls: SHut up! (slaps again)


To be continued.... This girl just showed up at my house.. Humorus OUT!

Luck and Love,
Humorus

dawgbas
07-20-2008, 03:11 AM
wow man your posts would have to be some of the funniest i have ever read! love your work!

goodrake
07-20-2008, 11:39 AM
The long lost friend opener sounds pretty good to me, if the targets are around the same age as yourself. Just curious, what do you have in mind if your question about having a kid is answered with a "no, I haven't had a kid"? Not that you couldn't pull the rip cord and eject, but if there's a plan for reframing it and keeping it light and funny, I'd love to hear it.

Thanks for sharing.

HumorUS
07-20-2008, 12:47 PM
Yeah, i thought about that goodrake, and my answer would be,

"oh, well theres a different story on myspace .. I think someone is spreading rumors about you.. DAMN THAT TOM FOR CREATING THE DEVILS TOOL!!"

Then i have this awesome story about some one that spread a rumor that i was dead once, and people were coming up to me pissed off that they thought i had faked my own death for publicity. It goes along with the rumors thing..

Im just glad i guessed right. :)

Dawgbas, Thanks for reading

GreatOne
07-30-2008, 07:00 AM
Every post I read of yours is amazing HumorUS. You really inspire me and I mean that. The cocky/sexy/yeah I'm the SHIT and better than every guy in here and you girls fucking love me and I know it'' is the kind of attitude I want to have and be able to display to the girls like you do. You are something else, and I love it bro. Thank you

cagalindo
07-30-2008, 09:24 AM
godlike wow.

Ice Pill
07-30-2008, 09:48 AM
It's epic please.

Props on the instant AMOG killer :-D.

HumorUS
08-05-2008, 11:12 AM
Thanks alot guys, you really inspire ME to keep on going out and pushing it farther and farther.

I Want to be one of the best.. So if you have any advice, PLEASE let me know.

EvolutionLucky
08-21-2008, 12:18 PM
yea the first opener was NUTS!! i was laughin hard when i read it. shit if i ever have a problem putting a smile on my face. I'll just think about that opener/sarge. i'll just start laughin out of nowhere. haha thanks bro.