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View Full Version : Mentioning another guy - IOD or shit test?



drolo
07-13-2008, 08:40 AM
Some days ago I was on a date where she mentioned hanging out with another guy the day before. As friends I thought, but wasn't sure. At the time I just ignored it and treated it as no big deal but after the date failed (for a number of reasons - bad choice of venue, me not being in state ... ) I thought "IOD...".

Looking back on things, I can see that what she was probably doing was playing the field like a mad person with a view to selecting one guy for a relationship. In that case, mentioning the other guy could equally well have been a shit test. It's also not out of the question that she'd fucked him since we set up the date. Or it may well have been harmless (but with hindsight this seems unlikely).

She was no great loss - a 7.5 when the light was being kind - and with some quite objectionable attitudes - but I want to learn from what happened.

Do you reckon this was IOD or shit test, and in each case how should I have responded? Indifferently, "I hope you're not wasting three hours of my life here", or what?

resocialize
07-13-2008, 10:06 AM
if the date went pretty bad like you say it did, its most likely an IOD

drolo
07-13-2008, 02:30 PM
That logic doesn't follow for me, I see it the other ay round - if it was a shit test and I'd handled it right the date could have gone better!

I could use some better skills even if I wasn't that bothered about the woman.

Colin
07-14-2008, 12:01 AM
Shit-test;)

Don't react to shit like that....especially not with "I hope you're not wasting three hours of my life here"

Seriously, man, girls play the field just like guys do. Don't let that shit fuck your head up and ruin your night.

drolo
07-14-2008, 02:29 PM
Colin, That was a bit of a throwaway suggestion of mine. How *should* you respond to that kind of shit test? Complete indifference somehow doesn't seem right either.

NumbaOneDesi
07-15-2008, 05:43 AM
She could have been hanging out with a male friend?

The girl Im dating always used to pull stuff like that, testing my reaction to it all..I would just say "Good, maybe he can get rid of you for me" or "Is he good looking? Cuz I dont want you with ugly guys"

AkA_JT
07-24-2008, 03:59 AM
Depends on the situation. In alot of cases (for me at least) its a shit test.

dreamweaver
07-24-2008, 06:34 AM
As mentioned, could have been a male friend, or could have been someone that she was interested in. The more important thing is, why does it matter? Are you and this woman in a committed relationship? It is perfectly ok for her to play the field before your date and honestly after your date, even if she is very interested in you. Ideally on your date, and after maybe a few more, if you have displayed what a high value guy you are, then she might start to put other stuff on hold. There is no reason at first and if she actually does, you might want to question her level of value.

The appropriate response is no response. The reason why is because you are a high value guy, or need to be acting like one at least. A high value guy has lots of options, has lots of friends, and does not get threatened by other guys. If this were you, would the other guy bother you? No - because you are dating other people also (or need to act like it - preselection), and you know you are better than him. No threat, your date is going to make her forget about the other guy, and if it doesn't no big deal because you have lots of other stuff going on. No waste of time, it is all about meeting new people, making new friends, and exploring potential matches.

Another reason for no response or reaction is that anything will make you look like jealous guy. Nothing and absolutely nothing good can come from looking like jealous guy. Do the exact opposite of jealous guy and you will display value and build attraction.

drolo
08-01-2008, 04:20 PM
"Good, maybe he can get rid of you for me"

Like that! :)

I love the way it just wipes out any frame there may have been, without having to go into whether there was or wasn't. Nice.

cheez avenger
08-01-2008, 04:36 PM
She could have been hanging out with a male friend?

The girl Im dating always used to pull stuff like that, testing my reaction to it all..I would just say "Good, maybe he can get rid of you for me" or "Is he good looking? Cuz I dont want you with ugly guys"

Damn, this is good stuff!


REFRAMED!

Shenanigan
08-01-2008, 04:54 PM
VERY nice responses Desi, awesome!!! :D

Display MOB
08-01-2008, 09:08 PM
It's both!

JaggedG
08-01-2008, 10:48 PM
I think it might be helpful to point out that we're taught in MM and other materials to use this same tactic that your date was using when we're DHVing, such as embedding ex-girlfriends and high-value female friends in stories and stuff. Pre-selection, you know. We wouldn't expect a girl to get all jealous like "You talk to other girls?!" because they're typically better calibrated than us. If she did, we'd either be thinking, "Oh good, I'm dominating this frame like Rock Band dominates Guitar Hero 3. Count one for me!" or "Wow, this girl is going to be a jealous pain in the ass... NEXT!" The more seriously you react, the more intensely she's going to feel one of those two things, and neither is good.

The advice in this thread is sound. The best way to pass a shit test is to cheat on it! Either ignore it or reframe like was said here. IMO, if it's a passing comment about a guy (like "So I was at the mall with my friend Tim the other day and we were shoe shopping and...") and then you drop a reframe line like one of the ones in this thread, it doesn't matter if the line is golden. You're still subcomming that the part where she was with a guy affected you. In this case, it's better to just ignore it. If she's persistently trying to elicit a reaction by bringing up other guys, then reframe.

Just remember that we do this to girls, too. It shouldn't bother you regardless of which way it's going.