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View Full Version : Girl wants guy on the side?!?!?



dex
07-09-2008, 11:53 PM
So, I've had an "open" LTR for over a year. She is the quiet home body type and has been fine with me sleeping with other girls so long as its not serious. Meanwhile she is not dating. Life's good....right?

We live on opposite coast, which has helped, but now I get the call that she wants to start dating other guys, but doesn't want it to be a problem.

Here's the deal. I have other girls, but I'm most into her and the thought of her with another dude makes me cringe. However, I can't really say I'm allowed to date but she's not. I feel like the double standard is there for a reason; when I'm with other girls its for sex, but if she's with other guys its emotional.

My 2 questions;

Is this a shit test I should address immediately?

If not, how do I approach this?

Paladin
07-10-2008, 05:42 AM
Dude. That is a double standard and it's totally unacceptable. If you can bang other people, so can she. She should be banging other dudes. What you want is really uneven. If you care about her you want a relationship with equilibrium. If you want exclusivity then you have to give it.

TrueStory
07-10-2008, 07:01 AM
Whether you say no, or yes, she's going to be dating other guys. You never agreed to be exclusive.

I think what truly bothers you is the fact that she "can go out and get a guy tonight" while you have to work to get a girl?? I mean come on, let's be honest here.... you don't want to be one-upped by her, where she goes out and fucks 3-4 dudes while you fuck 0 girls?

And if you really had other girls, which you probably do, you wouldn't "cringe" at the thought of her fucking other dude.

Here is what I think is going on, because, I was in similar open LTR too:

- girls that you have are less attractive than her, possibly, unreliable and unskilled.
- you are falling for this girl (hence such emotional attachment to her promiscuity)
- you know that she can find a "guy on the side" almost effortlessly, or at least you think so.
- you live in scarcity world where abundance of women around you is not apparent to you
- your game is not as good as you convince yourself (others) to believe


Bottom line, if she hasn't started yet, she will fuck other men. End of story. So get out and start sarging.

Spanish_Prisoner
07-10-2008, 07:02 AM
Tell her you don't want that. You can't have her with other men. Because it makes you feel bad.

If she comes up with double standard, you say she has no problem with that, eh? If she does have a problem with that, you say why she didn't say so?

Trap her. You guys have a relationship... be honest with eachother.

lend
07-10-2008, 07:43 AM
Tell her you don't want that. You can't have her with other men. Because it makes you feel bad.

If she comes up with double standard, you say she has no problem with that, eh? If she does have a problem with that, you say why she didn't say so?

Trap her. You guys have a relationship... be honest with eachother.

And then she says "Fine" and doesnt answer his calls any more.


I say this is a shit test. To plow through Id say "I totally understand what you say and I agree with you. If I can date other girls, you are free to date other guys too. Im totally cool with it". I think this is the only way to keep her and see what happens. If she really starts to fuck other guys and you are not cool with that, move on and stop oneitising.

silverghost
07-10-2008, 08:40 AM
You live on opposite coast as you said... so... aint this a self explanatory fact on what you ll do and what she ll do?

Mation
07-10-2008, 08:48 PM
Why is this such a big deal? You have to be nonreactive. I had the same situation literally last week. There's a girl that I see that lives 3 hrs. away. I really dig her, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get into an exclusive relationship with someone that far away.

Anyway, last week, I was supposed to go hang out with her at her new place. The day before, she texts and says "I can't hang out this weekend. I met someone & I have to be a good girl."

So I got that initial jealous twinge. I didn't think she would jump into something so quickly, and it really got to me... for about 5 minutes. Then I remembered that she is far from the only woman in my life. I may like her best, but there you have it. I'd be retarded to think that she wouldn't date other people. So I wished her a happy July 4th and told her to call me. I knew she'd be back.

2 days later, she called. Said that she wasn't ready for a relationship and liked what we had. All because I was nonreactive. If I'd handled it any other way, it would be over. Then I wouldn't get that AMAZING head. Fuck that. I win. :)

sdnightfly
07-10-2008, 09:02 PM
You're both thousands of miles away. She could be deceitful and tell you she's behaving herself when she's out banging more than you are. Kudos to her for being honest and a human being that has desires. The ego boost is that she's still got a thing for you and if she is with anyone, when you're back in town, one of two things is going to happen. She's going to dump the guy she's with, or she's going to end the open relationship face to face.

You want her to be this girl pining for your ass, always at home.

All you need to tell her is that as long as she's using protection and not doing "certain special things" she's done only with you, you just want her to enjoy herself until the next time you get together with her.

When she says "dating", you know what she means by that.

Fey
07-11-2008, 01:42 AM
Whether you say no, or yes, she's going to be dating other guys. You never agreed to be exclusive.

I think what truly bothers you is the fact that she "can go out and get a guy tonight" while you have to work to get a girl?? I mean come on, let's be honest here.... you don't want to be one-upped by her, where she goes out and fucks 3-4 dudes while you fuck 0 girls?

And if you really had other girls, which you probably do, you wouldn't "cringe" at the thought of her fucking other dude.

Here is what I think is going on, because, I was in similar open LTR too:

- girls that you have are less attractive than her, possibly, unreliable and unskilled.
- you are falling for this girl (hence such emotional attachment to her promiscuity)
- you know that she can find a "guy on the side" almost effortlessly, or at least you think so.
- you live in scarcity world where abundance of women around you is not apparent to you
- your game is not as good as you convince yourself (others) to believe


Bottom line, if she hasn't started yet, she will fuck other men. End of story. So get out and start sarging.

Or... he just have a hoarding mentality, like me.

I still have my baby clothes and toys. I don't really throw anything away..

Well, with women, I do. But that's just because I know it's necessary and I don't 'own' them. But I still don't like it.

_big_pimpin_
07-11-2008, 04:18 AM
fuck that i would dump her bro like im not having my girl fucking other guys and i dont give a fuck if its a double standard

Red_Nine
07-11-2008, 06:30 AM
I think the fear here is that she'll like one of these new guys and stop having sex with him. This is the most common reason for jealousy - to prevent loss.