View Full Version : Is it rude not ot text back?

07-06-2008, 07:51 AM
I started texting some girl this morning and were having a great conversation, but after the last message she sent me I decided not to answer, it was on quite a high in the convo aswell. Is this bad? ignorant? Or what . . ?

07-06-2008, 07:53 AM
You should always have the last text if you're having a convo with a girl. Only if she ends it by saying 'ill ttyl' or 'goodnight', you should always get in the last one.

07-06-2008, 08:31 AM
You should always have the last text if you're having a convo with a girl. Only if she ends it by saying 'ill ttyl' or 'goodnight', you should always get in the last one.

j/w what is the logic behind this???

i dont respond if its not worth my time

also sometimes i just like to leave a girl hanging cuz i know shes waiting for a reply :p but whenever i do this i make an effort to get back in touch with them within the next few days to not look like a complete asshole.

07-06-2008, 08:57 AM
i like stopping when they ask a question

07-06-2008, 10:03 AM
Is there a reason u decided not to send or... Its like is it bad to stand up and leave the set when she is having a great time? Does it serve any purpose?

07-06-2008, 11:50 AM
I was thinking that if I dont drop it, then she will first...

07-06-2008, 12:04 PM
Common sense is a good start always...

07-07-2008, 07:38 PM
depends WHY you stopped.. if it was because she said something that could be considered offensive or you just straight up didnt like it.. then fuck it dont respond if you dont want to. But if youre vibin and havin a fun little text convo then not responding just because you cant think of shit to say is lame. Its all about calibration. I dont respond a lot because i really dont notice, am busy, or whatever. dont sweat it. texting is an interesting aspect of our modern society, so new that everyone is tryin to figure it all out haha

07-09-2008, 01:19 PM
This is great advice, thanks. I eventually did reply and it continued to be a nice conversation.

07-09-2008, 02:28 PM
You should always have the last text if you're having a convo with a girl. Only if she ends it by saying 'ill ttyl' or 'goodnight', you should always get in the last one.

Err, I'd say there's no way you should always get the last txt. In fact, I've read alot of material that says you should often just stop txting sometimes, regardless of whether the conversation is on a roll or starting to die. It communicates non-neediness pretty effectively. If you always try to get the last txt, you're subcommunicating that you're more invested in the interaction than she is.

Have you ever been txting a girl and after you send a carefully crafted txt that you're sure will pique her interest, she just does not reply? It drives you crazy! For the next few hours, you're thinking about her-- why didn't she reply? Did you say something wrong there? Did you mess up? Should you txt her again? It shouldn't be anything you can't handle, but you'll probably go through this Emotional Journey(tm) that functions as an attraction switch. Using this same weapon on a girl has had nothing but good results for me.

Here's how I do it: I usually just keep the conversation going so long as she's putting in about as much into it as I am. As soon as she starts giving responses like "lol ya youre totally right," (or maybe just before-- it's an intuition thing) I'll freeze em out... Start off fresh later, likely the next day. If a girl EVER sends me a bullshit message like "lol," it's closed. Conversation over. Freeze out for however long is appropriate and then start fresh later.

What you did though, KidRaider, was good. You managed to make her have a similar emotional rollercoaster ride but ultimately allayed her fears by replying. It's actually good to make her wait a bit. My general rule is that if a girl takes an hour to txt me back, I'll wait about an hour to txt her back. If I think she may have had a genuine excuse to not txt me back (like she was working for 3 more hours before she could get at her phone), I'll still wait, but maybe not that long. That's a good way to play it, even if you did it by accident :P

07-09-2008, 05:40 PM
Thanks JaggedG much help man! We were both texting and after a while she didnt answer, but after about an hour, she did. So I spent about another hour deciding whether I should text back, which within the meantime I posted this thread. The last text I sent her was something like: ........ I cant text you anymore, im running low on credit. Ill call you in the week sometime x.

Now im not sure if the running low on credit was a DLV, but I had no reply from this, which I expected.

Im planning a group date this Sunday with some friends and their romantic interests to go bowling & I wanted to invite this girl. Should I phone her like I said I would, and invite her, or should I just text her?

07-10-2008, 02:28 PM
Warm her up with a few txts the day that you plan on asking her, be fun, remind her that she wants to be around you. Not responding to her last txt will hopefully prime her to answer her phone or call you back when you call. Later in the day (like if you're txting her and stop at about 1:00 or 2:00, call her at 5:00 or 6:00. Make sure they are distinctly separate events) call her and talk for awhile then make plans. It's structured like a mini-pickup, attraction, qualification, comfort and close should all be in there a little bit. Making plans via txt CAN work, but it's more likely to result in flaking.

Phrase your making plans as coming from a strong frame. It's good that you're doing a 'group date' thing, but don't use the word date. It should be like "I'm crafting a little bowling get-together with some of my friends on Sunday..." Leader of men DHV, also indicating that you do cool things anyway, and not like you 'step it up' to impress girls. "...I want you to come with. [so]* It seems like it'd be right up your alley." [EDIT: Argh, lousy bowling pun... sorry.] Saying what you want her to do is a strong way to convey that you're inviting her into your reality. Don't say "I was really hoping you might be interested in possibly accompanying me?" or anything comparably needy sounding. Don't mention that it's going to be your friends and their girlfriends and you're the only single one, but you probably know that.

*[hopefully here you can call back something that you guys talked about when you were qualifying her, but if you can't, don't sweat it]

If she says no, or she's busy or something, stay on the phone and continue as normal as if nothing happened for about 30 more seconds then end it, framing it like you're busy and you have to go. Do the fake "Oh shit, I've got another call... This is important, I'll talk to you later," thing that I'm SURE every guy has had a girl use with them or just like "But yeah, I have some stuff that I wanted to do before it gets dark/I get tired/my friends get here... I'll talk to you later."

If she says yes, talk for a little bit. Maybe use a comfort routine or two, then say bye. You should be fairly consistent in being the one ending the conversation. Keep this part relatively short, 5 minutes should be plenty, 2-3 is probably optimal. I believe it's a good idea to end the conversation like "[blah blah blah]...so I gotta go get his arm back. Anyway, I'll see you Sunday. Bye!" This part shouldn't be a huge deal because I don't really know whether or not I do it this way when I get positive results, but maybe somebody with more expertise than I on the topic can tell me whether or not it's a good idea to refresh the idea of the plans just before hanging up.

Sounds like you're doing pretty well so far, though. For your excuse to stop txting, I would modify your approach in the following ways in order from (IMO) least to most effective:

1) Rephrase it like you have SO MUCH GOING ON in your life... "But yeah, I've haven't had a chance all week to get more credit on my phone and I don't want to get gouged for talking to you too much :P"

2) Use a different excuse. "Kay, so I'm going to wrestle a shark [or something else cool... but I bet you can't top that] and my phone isn't water-proof so I'll have to talk to you later," or "I'm spending so much time with my phone that I'm wasting a beautiful day. I think I'll go rollerblading-- I'll talk to you later." (Always say "I'll talk to you later," like you did, it's a framing thing)

3) Just stop txting her. Actions speak louder than words, and this one will show her your lack of neediness. You should use #1 or #2 (above) sometimes, but when you stop txting her when she gets boring (or stop unpredictably) it'll get her thinking, and should help you actualize as a stronger person in her mind's eye, if the rest of your game is tight.

Hope this helps.

07-10-2008, 02:52 PM
YES. A DEFINATE HELP. Thanks alot for that, theres some great advice there. Im going to take all this into consideration and ill get back to this thread on my progress with the whole scenario.

I do have one question, if something simply pops up for her and shes says "No I cant make it I've got . . . . . " Whats the best way to respond to this?

07-10-2008, 05:13 PM
You mean when you're making the plans (same phone call), or afterwards, between the call and the date? Either way, don't let it phase you. A high-value guy wouldn't regard this as somebody blowing him off, he'd view it as she messed up her schedule and now doesn't get to hang out with him. Silly her. Act accordingly, even though it can be supremely frustrating. The problem is that it's kind of difficult to change this outcome, so you have to just think about keeping a strong frame, staying congruent and pumping up her attraction a little more for your next attempt.

If it's while you're in the same call as the plans-making, you can get fake-mad, like "Arg! You're KILLIN me! I already booked the limo to pick you up and the tabloids already got wind that you were hanging out with me so GOD KNOWS what kind of scandal they're going to spin this into..." or whatever. Doesn't really matter as long as you stay CONGRUENT and keep a STRONG FRAME. This does not emotionally affect you, remember.

If it's later, after the initial call, downplay it enough that she doesn't think you're pissed or anything, but make sure she understands that you don't tolerate flakiness. "Lame. You must be pretty upset about flaking on me, but that's okay-- I don't like flaky people, but you still have plenty of time to make it up to me. I'm kind of in the middle of a bomb defusal though, so I'll talk to you later," or something cool like that.

That's not the best line in the world... But that's kind of the idea. Keep it short, don't linger on the phone, and be the one to end the conversation. Communicate non-neediness. Optionally, you could throw in something about how you'll have to start calling people to take her spot now, but it's up to you. I usually don't because I feel like I somehow come off try-hard when I do it. If it vibes with you though, by all means, do it. I've heard it recommended by at least one or two experts I think, so it must have some credibility.

07-11-2008, 03:37 PM
Thats great thank you !

Is it a bad thing to try and barter for the date? Lets say a girl says "No I cant make it .... " Is it then bad to say soemthing like, "Come on, I know for a fact you rather be out with me than sitting in, doing nothing all day" ?

07-11-2008, 05:43 PM
its not bad if she ends up going but if she doesnt then its bad.

07-15-2008, 11:39 PM
Yeah, you tend to start losing value quickly that way. I like your idea of communicating that what you're doing is better than what she's doing, just make sure to not come off needy. More likely than not, if she turns you down and doesn't suggest an alternate time, she isn't attracted enough yet. Go back and build that for a bit more before you ask again.

07-16-2008, 04:48 AM
Thats great thank you !

Is it a bad thing to try and barter for the date? Lets say a girl says "No I cant make it .... " Is it then bad to say soemthing like, "Come on, I know for a fact you'd rather be out with me than sitting in, doing nothing all day" ?

That would sound needy, I think.

It should be about the fun you'll be having, rather than the boring time she'd be having.

Subtle difference in the framing - you keep it about yourself. She's the one missing out by choosing not to spend time with you.

Agreed with JaggedG, if she doesn't suggest an alternative time, she's not interested enough. I'd give her one more shot at it (on your terms of course).

07-17-2008, 07:08 AM
Yeah JaggedG and DismantleRepair I think you are right, looking over the post and what I writ it does come accross as quite needy.

I do have a little update on the situation. Theres a bad part to it and a good part to it. The first part which is the badpart is that I didnt phone her, I didnt bring myself round to it and I do realise it was a big mistake.

On the other hand I did text message her as an alternative to the call and JaggedG I did take into consideration what you said. My text went something like this

##### ! (A nickname neg I have for her) Im going into town tomorrow to do some things, come bowling with me and ill kick your ass ! Ill pick you up in my private Jet x

Then she text back saying she could not make it, but she did give an alternative by stating that she is going to Paris next week and when she gets back she will definately take me to out. I might even take you for a starbucks ;) . . . She also said several other things such as I will text you when im in Paris aswell :)

That is how she replied and we talked for a bit after that. Is it bad to bring up the date when she gets back? or should I let her do it ?

07-17-2008, 12:44 PM
The way I'd play it is txt her a bit, set some hoops for her to hopefully trigger you in her head while she's gone... Like what popped into my head is "I wonder if Paris has those crazy mimes and stuff like you see in movies... If you see one, you gotta take a picture for me, kay?" or something that you can call back later. So when she gets back from Paris (if she starts txting you, great... if not, txt her like 1-3 days after she gets back, not the same day) you're just talking and you can be like "So did you get me my picture?" If yes, good-- she passed a compliance test. If no, bust on her for it. Don't look at it as 'non-compliance,' but do make fun of her however you feel is appropriate.

Your txt did sound pretty good. Usually, "I can't, but we'll do something next week," is only barely better than not providing an alternate time, but I can see the logistical aspect of going on a big trip being kind of difficult to work past right now. She MIGHT txt you back about the date when she gets back, but if that doesn't happen, remember that you're the leader in this relationship so if you want the date, you're not going to wait around hoping she makes the move, unless she does it before you get the chance. Don't make it like "Well remember how you owe me a date cause you said that we'd do something when you get back?" because that's needy and sounds like you were just waiting around for her to get back so you could resume chasing her. Be ready to convey that you were busy while she was gone and now that she's back, she'll have another chance to join you in your reality.

So yes, don't hesitate to bring up a date (not THE date) yourself. She MAY do it herself, in which case you'll be pleasantly surprised-- don't make it your expectation and intend to ask Just remember to frame it as you're being the leader by going there without hesitation, not like you're needy and waiting on the edge of your seat to see if she'll live up to her promise.

Keep it up.

07-17-2008, 01:04 PM
Oh come on....rude to text back?
A good rule of thumb is to always wait the time she took to text u back plus one fourth the ammount of time...For example. If i text a girl and she takes ten minutes to text me back, i generally wait 12 or 13 minutes to text her back. i do this for the first 3 or 4 texts, then I STRIKE and call her out of the blue about 10 mins after her last test, and get her to go pick up the new surfer magazine with me at barns and noble cause "im just gonna run to barnes and noble really quick" and she should tag along. Ive gotten to be sort of a pro at text game, I put some text insights up at http://successwithdating.com/what-to-say-to-women/ I love text game.