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eugo
04-2008-26, 07:59 PM
Hi guys.

I need a major hand. Im afraid of the approach.
Not that im scared or anything, just I just cant approach a women properly or cant approach her at all.

Last night I went to the nightclub and there was an ex of my friend. It took me nearly 2 hours to approach her. The rest of my theory is working well its just the approach and openers that are drammatised, the whole of A1 & a bit of A2 stuff.
Today me and my friend went to city centre in Dublin, Ireland (I'm Russian myself) and both of us tried to do some approaches. We assighned targets to each other but it didn't last for long. I was using a quizz notebook and I had some prepared quck questions to ask girls about, my friend just tried "who lies more" opener. He opened a french girl quite well, i saw her smiling at him and laughing with him, but she turned into shop and they separated.
Myself, i tried to open 2 sets that day but it failed(i tried the quizz opener). The same day in the nightclub, I was just staying beside the DJ box and had an outline plan of how I'am going to open a set in my head, but I didn't use it, I didn't open.

Can somebody give me good tips on approaching and propably on getting her interested, but really i only need to know how to get rid of this approach anxiety.

Share your experiences, of how you got rid of approach anxiety.

Thanks a lot.

Regards eugo.:)

imperium
04-2008-26, 11:56 PM
perhaps your overplanning it?? i would say take it easy and go with the flow... be natural and confident - girls can sense when a guy is nervous or has overplanned a sertain scenario a dozen times in his head.

Usually things tend to NOT happen the way you want them to when you overplan them...

FemmeFatale
04-2008-27, 01:19 AM
Dont think too much about it..if you think too much you'll psyche yourself out. Have an open ready.. and when you see an opportunity go for it straight away, the more you think about it, the more likely you are to back away.

eugo
04-2008-27, 02:28 AM
Thanks, but can somebody write about how they overcome their approach anxiety. How they got rid of it, in their life. If you can remember it.
This would give me some confidence.

Regards eugo.

Swifty
04-2008-27, 03:21 AM
I have spent the last 10 months or so, in the field , pretty regularly, opening girls and what not.

Before this time, i had crippling AA. Everyonce in a while now, i get a real kick out of approaching girls. Sure i still get the fear of teh approach and at times dont really feel like doing it, but every once in a while, its exciting.

I have never heard, nor met, a single man who did not get approach anxiety. It never goes away.... I remember, when i was starting out, opening about 100 girls just with "hey do you have the time" just to desensitize myself to approaching women. I didnt use any routines or any openers... Just that. I would get the time and then walk away.

Here's the thing with approach anxiety.
- Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down. When you are first starting out, you are really worried that your ego is going to get hurt, so you want to protect it - by using an emotion called anxiety that fills your entire body.
- Its just as scary approaching the lesser attractive females as it is the more attractive ones.
- It decreases after your first couple of approaches during the night. It doesnt stay constant throughout the night. After your first couple of approaches for the night you ego understands that whatever happens, it is not going to get hurt.
- The more approaches you do, the less intense the feeling becomes. If you are out there everyday for a week, you will find that opening that first set will not be so hard.

Once i understood this, it was a little easier to approach women. Just knowing that it will change, most of the time, getting less intense, was motivation to get out there and approach girls.

Also... realise that during the day, your approach anxiety will be more intense. Its harder to blend in with what is going on around you. BUt once again, after a couple of approaches, it will decrease in intensity....

There are many ways to get through the innitial pain barrier of approach anxiety that you face when you are just starting out.

As i said before, i opened plenty of girls with nothing but "do you have the time" just to get use to it. I eventually moved my way up to openers...

Even when i was doing that, i did other things as well.

I would use incentives and goals. I would give a buddy $50 and get him to give me back $5 every time i made an approach. I also, did it the other way around... I promise to pay him $50 if i didnt make X amount of approaches in a night. This is a goal/incentive type way to get over it. You say to your wingman "i am approaching 7 sets tonight, or i owe you $50"...

I was still opening with "do you have the time?"...

After so many approaches, i got to a point where i wanted to use openers. i got very bored of asking for what the time was, and it was just too easy. You are not scared of it. There is no reason to be scared of asking for the time.

I still remember like it was yesterday the first hundred or so approaches afterwards where i was using openers and stacking. my hands would shake. I hold my front pockets with my thumbs and rest my arms on my body to stop people from noticing. I dont get that any more thank god. BUt thats just what it was like... BUt i was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I was working on my delivery, body language, locking in etc etc...

One thing that really helped me out BIG TIME - was actually understanding what the three second rule was about. Everyone knows that its about approaching a girl within 3 seconds of seeing her... But what i didnt realise at the time was that you weren't supposed to be picky. So i would only approach, girls i wanted, which was only about 4 sets a night tops... That was stupid. What the three second really means is always be in set.

This was when i was a little more advanced. BUT that made it alot easier. I would just open my first set... Get over the initial fear... Then go set crazy and open everything and anything. I would open and practice my stack or whatever.

You will find that your approach anxiety will definately go down after your first couple of approaches. I guarentee it! BUT here's the thing... Its use it or lose it.. That courage is only going to surge through your body for so long after you eject. This is why the three second rule is actually an always be in set rule.

Like others have said, if you hesitate, you get in your head, the feelings get worse etc etc etc. So use the courage you just gained from approaching that mixed 6 set and open another one shortly after you eject. Anything - all guys sets - just to keep you in the rhythm of approaching.

They are the major milestones i had to overcoming my approach anxiety...

I also used things like NLP - anchoring - i will not go into detail about this. sorry.

One thing that really helped me elliminate my approach anxiety was heading to clubs alone. This is another very very scary thing. BUT i find it a valuable thing to do everyonce in a while. Just take a break from all your buddies and pick your favourite place - the place where you like the women most - and just go out by yourself. Now, people say that people are not going to notice you alone. this is sort of complete BS in my opinion. If a girl sees you standing by yourself for an hour in the same spot, then you are going to look like you are alone and she will notice. SURE she wont tell everyone and make a big scene about you being there by yourself, but you will find that the responses, providing you approach her, will be a little worse if she has seen you by yourslef 3 times within the last half hour.

Its scary when you are out by yourself. So use it. Let it motivate your behaviour in a good way. Not motivate as in - move your legs and orient your body towards the door - but use it to get you approaching a few sets.

I also find that when i am out by myself, i push myself a lot more. I have no wing to help me motivate myself. I have no wing to bring my energy down. etc etc. Its just me being self reliant. When i get back to sarging with my wings, it is a lot easier to get started.

NOTE: I do not advocate going out alone to get over the hurdle at the start. BUT it you have been approaching women for a while, but still get a little bit of approach anxiety that is a little crippling, go out alone and push yourself to do it. Get over that annoying feeling that everyone has their eyes on you.

eugo
04-2008-27, 03:33 AM
Great tip! I'm feeling more motivated.
I had an idea of going to another nightclub practicing alone. I will deffennetly try it out. I know what anchors are. Ross Jeffries explained the concept.

Thanks everyone!:)

Swifty
04-2008-27, 03:34 AM
Thats k :)