View Full Version : Dealing with your differences

01-2008-14, 07:34 PM
What I'm about to talk about isn't coming from an expert on PUA. I know a lot of you will stop reading after that first sentence. But what I want to talk about has to do with all life. Not just sarging. After all one of the hardest parts of being a PUA is inner game. That's what I want to talk about here.

Some of you have posted about issues that you feel hinder your game in some way. I've read posts about people who have issues with their height, weight, speech ability (accents, impediments), gaps in their teeth, baldness and so forth. These are the kinds of things I'm talking about here.

Fist let me tell you a little about my background why I think I might have something to say about these things. As I'm sure some of you already know. I'm deaf and along with my deafness comes many other issues like my speech. I dropped out of high school because it was during that time that my hearing really started to decrease and that made me very self conscious. I always had a hearing problem but it was during this time that it really started to effect me and became harder to hide. As a result I ended up dropping out of school. Years latter after I became deaf and began to learn how to cope with it. I went back to school.

I grew up with a brother in a wheel chair, a cousin who's blind and one of my foster aunts always had down syndrome foster kids. So I grew up around all sorts of people with differences. It was from these people in my life that I learned to have a sense of humor about differences. My blind cousin would tell me to stop picking my nose. When my brother and I fought over a girl I'd sit in a chair, put my fists up and say, "Let's go asshole". :)

When it became evident that the possibility of me becoming deaf (rather then just hard of hearing) of course I had a hard time dealing with it. But because of the kinds of people I grew up around I was able to use their example and eventually comes to terms with it. Yea, it still gets me down form time to time. Sometimes I wish I could hear. Especially being someone known as "Late deaf". I wasn't born that way so I know what it's like to hear things and have a "normal" conversation. So from time to time I miss that. I definitely miss music. One way people like me describe our situation is to be between worlds. I'm not part of the deaf community or the hering community (Both exist and are very different by the way. There are deaf people out there who would hate you just because you're not deaf too.).

But how can I, or anyone else deal with their differences? First of all one has to determine is their difference is something that can be fixed. If you have a gap in your teeth then that's something that can be fixed. Don't get depressed about it. Just get it fixed. On the other hand if if it's not something that can be remedied then you have to find some way to deal with it. More importantly you need to find a way to use it.

I have a friend who has no arms but he has hands. It seems impossible but I swear it's true. He has a hand coming strait out of his shoulder. Imagine you cut off your arm at the shoulder, cut your hand off the arms at the wrists and put them on your shoulders. That's exactly how he is. And this guy can play pool, shoot a gun, eat, drink, piss (I'm not sure how but he's in there alone). And I'm telling you this guy has more friends around him then you can imagine. The greatest thing about him is after spending 5 minute with him you almost forget about it. It just becomes normal. It's just the way he carries himself.

If you have something about you that can't be fixed the find a way to use it. There's always a way. As for me my deafness sets me apart from other people in my professional magic acts. My humor about it is unique.

So if you have an issue that can be fixed then just fix it. If you can't then find a way to use it. After all you are living with it so you'll have plenty of practice. We all evolve based on our experiences. So in order to deal with your differences you need to go out and have experiences. If someone says an unfriendly comment about your difference then say something back. Women aren't the only one that give shit tests. Everyone does. When someone makes a comment about your difference, for example a gap in your teeth or your height, say something back about it like you would a shit test. IF it doesn't have the desired effect make a mental note of that and try something else next time. Eventually you'll find a way to turn it around to your favor.

Just wanted to speak my mind. The main point I want to make is don't whine about your differences. Fix them or use them.

01-2008-14, 08:58 PM
This is a good post because it speaks to the issue allot of guys need to address for themselves. No doubt you would be aware of this because you had come to a point that required you to confront it. I can tell you the greatest hardships in my life have set the stage for unfathomable strides in my personal growth. Sometimes it's going to be hard knocks, frustration, and despair. If we stretch ourselves only to the point where we start to feel uncomfortable and then compensate life becomes so unfulfilling. What do we do next? We try to fill our lives with anything that will validate us. The reasoning is so flawed. Who could honor that. Surely this type of thing is not goining to stop. It is encouraging that people here are willing to help someone step out into the spotlight if they are ready.

01-2008-14, 09:30 PM
I agree..that's a really inspiring post. Everyone is different in some way, though some must deal with more challenging differences than others. But, what really matters is how we deal with those differences. I think the key is not to give a fuck what other people think, and when you can do that AND have differences that are more challenging than the average person's, you come off that much stronger (and more attractive).

01-2008-14, 10:28 PM
cool another Bad Religion fan on here. The new record is awesome...do you know if they are gonna be at Warped Tour 2008?

don't whine about your differences. Fix them or use them
Gold, platinum and diamond winner.

I'm really fat for my height (5'8'' 220 lbs) And I got a giant Dave Letterman like gap in my teeth. Plus my voice sounds like complete crap. And I used to HATE it. Used to think that those qualities were making me unnattractive.

But attractiveness isn't really determined by that at all. It is if you are a perfect 10 but anything below and females won't notice or really care about it.

What really matters is presentation. Are you gonna take yourself so seriously that you're gonna delude yourself to even THINKING that your looks aren't up to par with the next guy? Does it matter? What do you want to be him or something? Why should you care? throw all that out the window and start presenting yourself correctly and stop hating yourself cuz you don't have six pack abs.

When I say presentation I mean how you view yourself and how you compose yourself around others. Do you believe (or even better, know) that you are a good, fun person who has lots of things to offer a female? Do you believe that you are attractive even though everyone says you aren't? Are you smiling like you are having a better day than everyone else or do you look focused all the time like some meathead schmuck? This is what females notice in most guys, not how good looking a guy is.

And the most important part of presentation is how real you are. When you walk around campus like you are having an awesome day and can't wait for the next class to begin do you actually believe that? many don't and thats why we have so many fake ppl in our world. And "being fake" is hands down THE #1 turnoff in anyone. It is the DLV to end all DLV.

01-2008-15, 08:52 AM
Not much to say... Respect

01-2008-15, 11:26 AM
Vulture, not sure about Warped..but they're playing here in So Cal in March!