View Full Version : Afraid of touching

01-2008-08, 07:30 PM
I think the title comes off a little strong, but basically I am doing ok at moving through attraction and qualification, but once I get to higher levels of comfort where you hold the person (and I should be kino escalating) I freeze up, I can feel myself breathing awkwardly and it just isn't good. I think part of the issue is that I have the feeling that I should always be doing something and when I am holding someone I feel almost as if I am just sitting there awkwardly. That vibe obviously gets out, I kill the vibe, make an awkward joke, and the mood of course dies.

Does anyone have any advice of how to make holding someone and touching in general less, I don't want to say frightening, because it's not fear, but less awkward...

It is becoming a serious issue.

01-2008-08, 08:21 PM
I never had this problem becuase for some reason i've always been a touchy person, but my friend says the only way for him to Kino is to start out real small and actually escalte. I see many guys trying to touch a girls ass as the first Kino of their encounter...Can it Be done YES.....Will it feel akward?...Probably.

SO my suggestion is to actually go for what it says and ESCALATE, go with light touching, then to a hug, then to a kiss, then to a touch of the ass while kissing, then for the bite on the neck, then for the house to spoon and cuddle, then to the pussy and titty rubbing, then to (insert w/e sexual foreplay) and finally to sex.

01-2008-09, 01:25 AM
It has to be something that comes across as natural.

Nightclubs are physical places, so you're having to touch people to move them, and touching someone to get their attention.

To me safe zones are the back of the hand and the upper arm, and the knee if she's crossing her legs.

I can't see how it would be higher levels of comfort if you're getting anxious and nervous.

When I'm holding someone I think that I'm even more relaxed and it's kind of like petting a dog or a cat... it's kind of that calming feeling. The tense feeling is usually worrying about something that might or might not happen, but that's what kino escalation is for. When it gets to the point she's not feeling comfortable, she'll let you know. For all you know there may be no boundaries to how far she'll let you go.

Vincent Chase
01-2008-09, 06:30 PM
While this may be a problem with individuals; You're not feeling comfortable enough with the girl as individual in order for touching her to feel smooth and "normal," this usually a general problem. And by that i mean, instead of not being comfortable enough with the individual girls you are not comfortabletouching intimately at all... with almost anyone. Even family.

Kissing on the cheek, extended hugs, or hand shakes. They intimidate you, maybe. The prospect of sitting with your arm around a girl is a romantic image but to actually image it physically quivers you.

I used to be like this, no joke, no fake sympathy.

The only REAL way to combat this that I know of is to simply start touching. I'm still not cool with random kino on random people, but I am much more comfortable with intimate touch. I would no longer have trouble having sex in public. In fact... I have. In the back of a van.

The only way to get better at painting is by: painting.

Hope I helped.

01-2008-11, 09:06 PM
Right that is exactly right vincent. That is how I feel. I just feel like as son as I touch someone I fuck everything up. Ya know? I feel like I will just come across as incredibly creepy and I guess that is some inner game I need to work out.

So you suggest that I just practice kinoing people that I know all the time? Just to get more comfortable with it?

I think my biggest issue is holding someone, like the romantic image you talked about, and quivers is a good way to describe how I feel. It makes me feel like I am out of line, or that I have taken everything a step too far and I think it is extremely limiting my game.

Also, I have an extreme fear of kissing (although I have kissed someone before...) I wonder where these issues come from? haha...

01-2008-11, 10:32 PM
So you suggest that I just practice kinoing people that I know all the time? Just to get more comfortable with it?

Yes, yes, yes!

The problem is that it means too much to you right now. You feel like these things (guiding her elbow, touching the small of her back, resting your hand on her knee) are big, meaningful steps, but what you'll soon realize is that they aren't.

But the only way to get past that is to do it. So do it with people you're comfortable with. Start with light, very innocent touches, when you have NO intention of escalating.

Build from there. It'll get easier.