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View Full Version : Awesome Rock Concert-My first original



Haste
09-07-2007, 07:08 AM
I just wanted to get your opinions on one of my first stories that I have from my life that I have structured from scratch. It is a cool story to begin with and I just wanted any input on DLV pits that need to be removed and possible DHV spikes that can be inserted. I think this story can be altered to be both an attraction story and a comfort story but I would like to see what everyone's opinion is about that.

(Hook for Attraction Phase) Oh my god, have you guys ever been to a rock concert before?

It is the craziest kind of concert I have ever been to before.

I was with my buddies back a couple of years ago and we were all headed to a concert over at (venue). My two best friends were in the back seat and my ex girlfriend was in front with me and we were sitting in my car in a line to get parked to go to this kickass concert. We had looked forward to this concert for a good month because the bands there were Mudvayne, Sevendust, and Nonpoint. It was crazy outside in the car, you could feel the electricity in the air. My hands were starting to shake and I felt the excitment of the arena from out on the main road vamping up my excitment and getting my blood flowing.

It was pretty intense before we even got there, but when we got inside, it was crazy loud and hot. It was body to body with everyone standing and cheering for the first band on stage.

It got a little bit later on in this concert and I had never been in a mosh pit so I jumped in spontaneously to see what the excitment would feel like. I felt like I was in there for hours, bouncing around off of people left and right. I jumped out and staggered over to my group of friends, that got bigger since we got there, and they started laughing as I told them I got a fat lip and loose teeth from all that time in that mosh pit. They told me I had only been in there for a few seconds. It was crazy intense and felt like time was so slow.

Later on, my ex-girlfriend was standing in front of me as we cheered on Sevendust as they played on stage. I had my arms wrapped around my ex girlfriend in case a mosh pit formed near us so that we could move away from it. She was 4'11" tall so I would loose her if the crowd got active.
(In a group where I want to neg the target I could say she was 4'11" tall, which is probably about the same for you if you didnt wear those 2 foot platform shoes) My buddies were around me and we saw people body surfing all around us so we all talked, which was more like shouted, and ended up talking my ex girlfriend into getting up to body surf. She got up on top of the crowd and was moving left and right as people moved her overhead toward the front of the stage. At that point I was trying to make sure she was okay rather than pay attention to the band. All of a sudden I see her drop from sight.

I tried to hurry towards where she was but the crowd was too close together that I couldnt even move so I waited and watched in the same direction where I saw her last. I see her squeeze through two large, tall guys and she comes back in front of me and puts my arms back around her. I lean down and asked what happened.

Come to find out, she had fallen from 6 feet up and landed flat on her back on the concrete floor and on her way back over she hopped into a mosh pit with a bunch of guys. She was actually okay, even though she fell from that body surf from that high up. She was as tough of a girl as she was cute. I havent met another woman who can match being that cool.

We had fun that night and I havent been to another concert that has been better than that one since.



I think there were a fair amount of DHVs with none, or few, DLVs included.

I think throughout the story I covered Protector of Loved Ones, Leader of Men, and Pre Selected by Women

Lets hear what you all have to say.