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Opacity
09-02-2007, 11:10 PM
I'm missing something.

I'm in school, and I've basically spent my summer break reinventing myself, inside and out. My physical appearance is much different from how it was before the end of the school year. Tonight I went out and I ran into a bunch of people from my school, people I hadn't seen since we went our separate ways for the summer break. I was wearing a dress shirt and a funky, yet classy tie to peacock.

So, I was out with my LTR and we run into this big bunch of people. All of these fucking AFC guys, my "friends" from school start coming up to me and commenting on what I'm wearing. No insults, just a lot of, "What's up with the tie?" comments. Then a few of them start saying things like, "I think the tie is a little too much. The shirt is nice, but the tie blah blah blah" Giving me fucking fashion pointers. I wanted to spit on them, but I tried to brush them off.

But, to my horror, the voice and words that were coming out of my mouth were those of a total beta male. A poser. An AFC. As though all the work I had done on myself had gone to waste. I actually found myself sounding as though I was defending myself from their comments and fashion tips, as though deep down I didn't even really believe in what I was wearing, or more importantly, the person I wanted to come across as.

Now, I know that this is false, because with any strangers I meet I am confident, I am the alpha, I am in control. But with these fucking AFC wanna-be-alpha assholes from my school, I can't seem to shake the "old me" off.


So, I have a two-part question for you guys.
A) How can I brush off AFCs with confidence, without sounding like I have to defend myself from them? (A "quick-fix", if you will, for question B...)

B) How can I make the person that I have spent so much energy creating, the person that I am when I meet a stranger, exist within me permanently? If I can be the alpha with a group of strangers, why not with people I've known for so long...

Scythas
09-02-2007, 11:38 PM
Thankyou, Opacity, I've been struggling with those same two questions myself, I just couldn't phrase them....that put it down very nicely, especially number two. Can anyone answer these?

Harabec
09-03-2007, 03:07 PM
"Maybe you should grow up, crawl out from under your bridge and take a look in the mirror. Let me know if you want some help dressing yourself!"

And don't try to be someone else...create your best self, that YOU fit into. And be solid about who you are.

woaren
09-03-2007, 05:07 PM
I know exactly what you mean Opacity. I still get that way when I see people that I knew from years ago, yet I'm a totally different person around anyone else. I revert back into who I was when I knew these people rather than stay who I am now. It might help to constantly be checking yourself, are you behaving as the new you would? Speak less, and speak more intentionally, this will both come across as not caring what they say and allow the new you to come out when you do express yourself.

I think a lot of it is a matter of conditioning yourself. The human mind is trained to respond to contexts, and your mind is trained to act like the old you in the context of these people. You just need to train a new behavior by doing what I said in the first paragraph.

Domeremy
09-03-2007, 05:22 PM
I know exactly what you mean Opacity. I still get that way when I see people that I knew from years ago, yet I'm a totally different person around anyone else. I revert back into who I was when I knew these people rather than stay who I am now. It might help to constantly be checking yourself, are you behaving as the new you would? Speak less, and speak more intentionally, this will both come across as not caring what they say and allow the new you to come out when you do express yourself.

I think a lot of it is a matter of conditioning yourself. The human mind is trained to respond to contexts, and your mind is trained to act like the old you in the context of these people. You just need to train a new behavior by doing what I said in the first paragraph.
I completely agree :( This happens to me as well and I agree with your explaination of it.

Also if you do met friends you know dont brush off them. Just act cool and be around them. Either they will go away naturally or you will have a good time with them.

Alius
09-03-2007, 07:27 PM
So, I have a two-part question for you guys.
A) How can I brush off AFCs with confidence, without sounding like I have to defend myself from them? (A "quick-fix", if you will, for question B...)

B) How can I make the person that I have spent so much energy creating, the person that I am when I meet a stranger, exist within me permanently? If I can be the alpha with a group of strangers, why not with people I've known for so long...

Ok well this sounds like something that happend to me. Trust me... It's hard! but if you are willing to grow within yourself... then keep readin.

Anyways backround about myself. I used to be very afc like much ppl in grade 10 its was always with the regular shirts and shit. your regular friends, and what-not. So this is what I did. Even before I knew about the MM method (would of been easier with MM but w/e). I kinda figured it out myself.

I found-out WHO I wanted to be! Movies, books, games, and so on. All the influence around me. I found the Character I want to grow up as. Thats all I did.

I found my favorite characters, and took bits and pieces of them. (im skinny for my age from stuff in the past and cant gain weight lmao... Damn this body) Anyways.

One day at the end of grade 10 I go out and buy dress shirts, fitting non baggy pants. and wear em. Ppl where in shock, friends asked me and asked me some ppl laughed and w/e. (my school is very asian and im like 10% of the whites) I was very "casual dressy" nice dress shirts, good fitting jeans. neways for the rest of the year i was bombarded and i felt like "wtf am I doing" Since the restof the population wears baggy and gangsta shit. anyways "I stuck with it" - STUCK WITH IT - I came back next year I had my hair combed put in blond highlights and ppl still more in shock at grade 11.

By the end of grade 11 thats it. Everyone has seen me and now knows who I am because I stand out with JUST my looks and its not bad. The ppl who asked the questions, the ppl who laughed looked at me and just accsepted the fact that I changed. Most ppl LOVE IT. They know me as MYown person.

BTW I have bronze Highlights now which are REALLY sick with my hair :) makes it look like my hair sparkles in the sun :) and very suddle most ppl dont know I have highlights.

This year for the first day I came in wearing this REALLY sick fedora, Lets call it my "pimp fedora" because of the Big RED feather. and more dressy stuff, my posture everything. This time, ppl where even MORE shocked, but in an awsome way, Everyone I know complimented me. Only the AFC guys kinda looked like "wft? is he wearing" The girls couldent keep their hands off me :P and saying stuff like "I LOVE YOUR HAT!"

anyways kinda of a Rant here. BUt the point is...

My look is of a dancer/mafia A little M.J ya? It's the hat :P (ONLY a little bit) But its the look JUST for me. I am congruent enough with it, that I dont care if someone sais anything negative. (which i had in the past only some of the AFC guys). I dealt with alot, but eventualy if you stick it out you will grow into it. Well I did because I belived what I wanted.

Um questions about my responces, I seriosly didint have to use alot at all. but to the AFC comments I used stuff like. (btw the negative comments come FROM only AFC guys to make it clear)

me - Um... I'm kinda busy here you, do I know u?

(if i want to play around a bit when I over hear a convo about me something negative)

me - Um? its rude to talk behind someones back you know. I'm Alius, and you are?

"Why always so dressed up?"

me - I'm being my own person :) and you are you supposto be? Fitty cent?
- I'm being my own person :) you wear what everyone else does? cool.

me - Clothes are Clothes. You need to borrow a dress shirt? Go to H&M :)

Well i think thats it?

If i Ranted im sorry :) hope this helps

fishbowlbob
09-03-2007, 08:29 PM
So, I have a two-part question for you guys.
A) How can I brush off AFCs with confidence, without sounding like I have to defend myself from them? (A "quick-fix", if you will, for question B...)

B) How can I make the person that I have spent so much energy creating, the person that I am when I meet a stranger, exist within me permanently? If I can be the alpha with a group of strangers, why not with people I've known for so long...

A. It seems like your friends are making your peacocking clothes a problem, like its someone eating away at you. Why do you have to defend what you wear? I remember reading somewhere that if AFCs are trying to talk negatively to something like that, take the attention off of that object. Who cares if they don't like the tie? It opened the set for you itself. Continue, even with friends. Show them some esp or some routines that could help define you and maybe validate the tie if they persist about it.

B. Sounds like you keep trying to revert to how you were. But remember, you are not a new person, you are a changed person. Why not try running certain routines to keep your ingame character? It isn't about picking up girls, its a lifestyle.

Opacity
09-03-2007, 10:37 PM
Glad I'm not the only one with these concerns!

Alius- LOVE the "I'm being my own person. Who are you supposed to be?" line! That's gold. Really appreciate the rant, bud. :p



B. Sounds like you keep trying to revert to how you were. But remember, you are not a new person, you are a changed person. Why not try running certain routines to keep your ingame character? It isn't about picking up girls, its a lifestyle.

That's exactly my point. I want more than just the routines and the fun little tricks. And all summer I have been living my FUCKING ROCKSTAR lifestlye. But for some reason I can't figure out, when I run into these people again, I shrink.

Legion5
09-03-2007, 11:20 PM
I'm missing something.

I'm in school, and I've basically spent my summer break reinventing myself, inside and out. My physical appearance is much different from how it was before the end of the school year. Tonight I went out and I ran into a bunch of people from my school, people I hadn't seen since we went our separate ways for the summer break. I was wearing a dress shirt and a funky, yet classy tie to peacock.

So, I was out with my LTR and we run into this big bunch of people. All of these fucking AFC guys, my "friends" from school start coming up to me and commenting on what I'm wearing. No insults, just a lot of, "What's up with the tie?" comments. Then a few of them start saying things like, "I think the tie is a little too much. The shirt is nice, but the tie blah blah blah" Giving me fucking fashion pointers. I wanted to spit on them, but I tried to brush them off.

But, to my horror, the voice and words that were coming out of my mouth were those of a total beta male. A poser. An AFC. As though all the work I had done on myself had gone to waste. I actually found myself sounding as though I was defending myself from their comments and fashion tips, as though deep down I didn't even really believe in what I was wearing, or more importantly, the person I wanted to come across as.

Now, I know that this is false, because with any strangers I meet I am confident, I am the alpha, I am in control. But with these fucking AFC wanna-be-alpha assholes from my school, I can't seem to shake the "old me" off.


So, I have a two-part question for you guys.
A) How can I brush off AFCs with confidence, without sounding like I have to defend myself from them? (A "quick-fix", if you will, for question B...)

B) How can I make the person that I have spent so much energy creating, the person that I am when I meet a stranger, exist within me permanently? If I can be the alpha with a group of strangers, why not with people I've known for so long...

Your issue is that you were directly close with an AFC, without tooling them slightly or anything, that is your huge punishment for committing such an act.

AFc's have no respect. I would have just thanked them for the compliments and left. Why did you spend time with them, were they following you? Were they bored.

You do not brush off their comments, you should not be taking them in the first place.

Opacity
09-03-2007, 11:27 PM
I was stuck in an awkward situation.

One of the few girls there was one which my LTR was good friends with and wanted to catch up with. We ran into the group of them on the street when we were on our way to get some food. I wasn't about to pry my girl away from her friend, and I was undecided about whether I wanted to bounce to a different party that my friend was having. I wasn't really sure what to do with the situation.

Appreciate the advice.

GilBelford
09-04-2007, 03:42 AM
You can either, ignore the comment, or throw something back at them.

For instance I have this Billionaire Boys Club hoodie I wear out sometimes (It's bright red with diamonds and $ all over print) , it's cool and flashy and I've been opened SOO many times because of it, but every once in awhile I get a random person trying to tool me about it, if you just throw a quick neg their way and turn away, most of the time, they are the ones that look like the idiot, especially because you've just demonstrated that you sincerely aren't affected (By turning your back away)

Examples that have happened to me:
I was wearing the BBC hoodie out at a bar and some girl that was with some friends turned to me and said: "Why are you wearing your pajamas out?"
I just said: "Thanks, you dress is really nice, but won't your mom be mad that you used the living room curtains to make it?" (She had this really ugly patterned dress, that looked just like some curtains)

And all her friends and my friends started laughing and suddenly, she was the tooled one, now I could have capitalized and started a conversation if I wanted to from there, but none of the girls were worth it, plus I had a GF at the time.

She later tried to talk to me again and everything. lol

And once I was with some friends at a club and I was wearing a hat.

As I'm going up the stairs, some guy turns to me and says:
"It's really sunny for you to be wearing that hat! Very cool" (It was obviously night time)

I just threw a quick neg at him and walked away:
"Nah, what's cool is that awesome 80's haircut you've got going on, Travolta would be jealous..."

Again, all his friends (Especially the girls) busted out laughing and the guy was tooled.

It's all in being quick and throwing it out right away, because if it seems that you had to think of a reply to give out, it'll look forced and have the opposite effect.

It doesn't need to be an amazing neg, just a quick one and then turn away :)

Or if it is with someone that you know, you can try something like:
"Because I like to dress this way, do you usually notice what guys are wearing that much?? Hmm...makes me wonder about you" (Implying he's gay and sort of keeping distance from him, jokingly off course)

Or if they ask:
"What's up with the tie? / shirt? / hat? " etc.

Just say: "Oh I'm sorry, I wanted to come dressed exactly like you and everyone else in here, but it was laundry day and this was all I had!"

It will cause them to stop it because they've seen that you are confortable enough with yourself to wear that. Usually guys just feel threatned by someone that wears something different from everyone.

woaren
09-04-2007, 04:25 AM
I don't particularly like Gilbedford's method (no offense), it really is just being defensive just like Opacity's response; it's just being clever at the same time as being defensive.

The key thing to remember is their question doesn't warrant a response. I.e. Why are they the judge of what is okay to wear or not? If some guy insults your outfit, a simple smirk like you are amused by his comment and no response will make him feel incredibly stupid. You will see him immediately turn to his friends and try to get a laugh out of them for validation 99% of the time. See, giving your opinion about someone else assumes the frame of you being in a position to judge them, and by not getting a response, that frame is shattered and you are left looking and feeling like the guy who thinks he is more important than he really is.

The "do you usually notice what guys are wearing?" is also good. You just don't want to directly answer the question (but not appear to be avoiding it). (A common response to this is for the guy to say "How could I NOT notice it. *insert insult*" to which you response with a look like you just had an epiphany and say "oooohhhhhh I'm sorry...do I make you feel threatened?" or something along those lines, with a really big amused smile on your face).

If someone asks "why are you wearing that?" you can simply respond "why do you care so much?" I had a friend or 2 in college who asked me that regularly when I changed my style, until I started responding in this way and they felt stupid and stopped giving me shit for it.

Anyway I'm derailing a bit. Just remember that you have to train yourself to behave like the "new" you around these people from the days of the "old" you. There is no immediate cure. When faced with a negative comment, a good default response, since you are obviously on edge in these situations, is to just give an amused smirk and no response, or a smirk and reply with "and you care why?"

GilBelford
09-04-2007, 04:41 AM
The reason I do that, is simply because most of the time it generates social proof, because you come off as a funny guy (the negs you throw must be funny, not insulting) and confident, since you're confortable enough to be wearing what you want.

Notice that I never defended what I was wearing, because I don't need to. I just negged them for their behaviour towards me.

Another thing I like about this is that it allows you to open sets, believe it or not.

I've had girls "neg" me on my outfit. And if I had just played it cool and not given them any response, then that wouldn't really spark a conversation.

If a girl negged me on what I was wearing, then I threw in a quick neg back at her, not only is it sort of flirty, but it gets her friends laughing and opens me up for: "Is she always this mean to people she doesn't even know?" and then you're in.

I don't know if it will work for everyone, but it works for me, again, what you say doesn't really matter, just remember to keep it witty, funny and not insulting, you just have to deliver it quickly and with confidence.