View Full Version : Approach Anxiety: An Amateur's Perspective

Longbow Archer
02-17-2007, 08:49 AM
Hey Guys,

Excuse me for a moment... This'll just take a minute... HEE, HEE :D

But seriously, this post is the result of a few 'things'.

First, a PM from BlueEyes - thanks buddy, much appreciated.

Second, following on from my intro (http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32602) it's my most recent 'commentary' on the title of this post.

Third, I hope it adds something to two other VERY helpful threads on approach anxiety that I've just read:

This was first posted recently on:

I hope you guys find it interesting. Any comments would of course be welcome. :D

Hey Guys,

For those of you who may have read my introduction you may recall I’m in my mid-30’s … and with no real ‘game’ until recently discovering the community. And, more to the point, someone with MAJOR approach anxiety (AA). So, in an attempt to deal with this, I’ve done a lot of reading, self-monitoring, and self-analysis, in addition to attending some pick-up workshops and doing some solo sarging in Londinium. Some may say that such self-analysis is, perhaps, not a good thing, but simply accepting AA as an inevitable emotion that I can do little about is a somewhat lacking strategy for me.

So, this post is an attempt to share my current perspective on AA. The simple act of writing this post is also a way of reinforcing my self-awareness as well as internalizing my understanding of AA. After all, UNDERSTANDING something we are unfamiliar with, and ACCEPTING its existence, is the first step to reducing its potentially negative effects and power over us. Forgive the bullet-point stylie and caps, but it helps my simple brain. Any comments will be gratefully received.

Understanding AA.
AA is the anxiety of the approach (no shit!)
Anxiety is an emotion
An emotion is the body’s reaction to the mind – an automatic physiological response to both conscious and unconscious thought processes
The mind is troubled / worried / fearful about what MIGHT happen AFTER the approach (e.g. rejection)
Fearful of something that MIGHT happen, NOT something that is actually happening NOW (i.e. before or during the approach)
There is a gap between the ‘here-and-now’ and the future
WHEN I feel AA, there is NO EVIDENCE AT THAT POINT-IN-TIME which demonstrates a negative outcome from the approach
Therefore, AA has NO SUBSTANCE in my instantaneous reality
This follows: my MIND is in the FUTURE, whilst I am HERE and NOW

Strategy for dealing with AA.
Recognize that “What you resist persists because it still has your attention” (O’Connor & Seymour, ‘Introducing NLP’)
Do not resist the physiological manifestation of anxiety – acknowledge it and surrender to its presence – then focus attention OUTWARDS (i.e. on HB)
Acknowledge that AA will always happen, but that its magnitude CAN BE REDUCED by recognizing it in ‘clinical’ terms – simply a present-moment physiological reaction to the mind’s projection into the future
Observe the 3-second rule and there will not be time to project into the future OR for AA to 'build'
Practice, Practice, PRACTICE approaches until AA becomes a familiar 'background' sensation
Remember: AA ain’t going to fucking kill me!

In addition, when I really am old and grey, I would rather die regretting the things I had done rather than regretting the things I hadn’t…… this has been a powerful thought.

So, I hope this was an interesting and perhaps useful read to some of you. In particular, if it helps any ‘newbies’ like me then that’s a real bonus. I’m trying to remember all of this every time I go sarging!

Best wishes guys,


From a mate's e-mail:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover".
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

02-17-2007, 11:01 PM
I relate AA a lot to weight training.

The only way you will get stronger and get bigger is if you push yourself past your comfort zone. That means once it gets tough and hurts, you keep pushing anyway. This means either shutting out the pain, or EMBRACING it like a psycho. Those who can't, will either quit the gym a month later, or still be here a year down the road lifting the same weight and not having made any gains.

Same thing with approach anxiety. It's, as you said, your body's physiological response. You can't get rid of it, but you can learn to accept it, ignore it, or love it.

Longbow Archer
02-19-2007, 02:53 AM
Hey fellas,

Thanks for the encouraging words, dude. Yep, you're right, AA is a bitch, but I AM getting over it with more time in the field, and simply recognizing AA for what it is. And, yep, you're right again, I am going at this alone at the moment - I've posted on this forum under 'Europe' and on other forums, and am having trouble getting wings / mentors to meet - not sure why this is? Thanks for the good luck wishes. All the best.....

Thanks for the post, dude. Like the analogy a lot! I workout regularly, so can relate to this completely. And, you're right, to those of us who don't yet recognize AA for what it is, it definitely 'hurts', and, unfortunately, can be totally disabling to some otherwise cool guys. BUT, as you say, EMBRACE it, ACCEPT it, and RECOGNIZE it for what it is - 'just' an elevated herat rate, blood pressure, with some hormones thrown in - fuck all, really......:D
Best wishes......