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View Full Version : "You Make Me Feel Stupid" - Overqualifying



confuseid
02-15-2007, 01:54 PM
So my LTR said to me today, "You make me feel stupid."

Apparently she thinks I'm better than her at everything.

By everything she literally meant every little thing in life.

She said I'm the first guy she's taken a chance with thats made her feel this way.


Anyways, translation time.

I have overqualifyed apparently.
Now, for all guys who do make the mistake of demonstrating too much value, how does one fix this rut?

Is there any way to go back and fix your DHV overload and make it so that she isn't uncomfortable because of your Godliness?

Or is it that DHV overload and lack of disqualification on the PUA's part cannot be reversed?


Hmmm....

TrueStory
02-15-2007, 01:58 PM
So my LTR said to me today, "You make me feel stupid."

Apparently she thinks I'm better than her at everything.

By everything she literally meant every little thing in life.

She said I'm the first guy she's taken a chance with thats made her feel this way.


Anyways, translation time.

I have overqualifyed apparently.
Now, for all guys who do make the mistake of demonstrating too much value, how does one fix this rut?

Is there any way to go back and fix your DHV overload and make it so that she isn't uncomfortable because of your Godliness?

Or is it that DHV overload and lack of disqualification on the PUA's part cannot be reversed?


Hmmm....


Dude WTF????????


Find yourself a more challenging girlfriend!

If you're dating girl with LSE then you're DLVing yourself.


Up your standards and sarge more challenging girls.

No offense to you or your girl, she probably has very low perception of herself and much higher perception of you.

......on a positive note


you have control over relationship.

I am pretty sure you can get away with anything at this point :D`

miaddict
02-15-2007, 02:17 PM
Apparently she thinks I'm better than her at everything.



She's feeling unappreciated. The focus is too much on yourself. If being of higher value is WHO YOU ARE, then you can't do anything about it, right? If she knows you are a great guy, dont keep ramming the idea into her head.

A LTR allows both persons to grow. Is she growing in the relationship?

She seems honest with you regarding the 'things' that is bothering her, hence

What you can do is to be approval giving, rather than approval seeking. When she does something deserving/worthy, give her a sincere compliment for it.

It's okay that she sees you as "godlike' but women want to feel appreciated as well. But dont over do it.


I dont know if she has self esteem issues in general or only in relation to you. If it's the latter, you can do something about it. If it's the former, it's something that she may need to work more on herself.

In your post, you've talked how she perceives you. But how do YOU perceive you? Is she challenging enough for you? Is she worthy of you? Or do you look down on her and feel less attraction for you as a result? If it's the former, then Truestory could be right.


I have overqualifyed apparently.
Now, for all guys who do make the mistake of demonstrating too much value, how does one fix this rut?

Qualify her. She may have the feeling that she is not good enough for you.
It's a comfort thing. The more you are perceived as higher, the less she feels she can 'connect' to you, even if you two connect emotionally. Mystery has this concept called "grounding" where even if you are of higher value[eg a space astronaut), you can relate to her through your childhood(when i was young, blabla).

It;s okay to disqualify yourself. (you can read Juggler's material on that topic. he has great examples on the topic of disqualification. There are good threads on the forums here as well) Dont be self deprecating. Are you really comfortable with her with displaying your 'flaws'? For instance, are you REALLY better at everything? Or do you feel the need to perform better so that she stays with you? I dont know your answers to the questions but it's worth thinking about.

No offence to truestory, but i'm in a LTR myself, and I disagree with his 'being controlling' advice. Be able to lead but not dominate. A LTR should be mutually fulfilling.

my 2 cents.

durexlw
02-16-2007, 07:54 AM
Wise words Miaddict...
First thing that comes to my mind: if she is your girlfriend, why do you have to proove yourself? In an approach, you have to establisch an image for them, but in a relation, you are bolth in that image.

Miaddict has a point that she's 'feeling unappreciated'... the opposite from "Apparently she thinks I'm better than her at everything"
is: "i'm not good enough"... if I know a bit about woman, she isn't saying she's not good enough, she's communicating: "dear something's wrong and I like you to have attention for me"... you're two steps away from her saying: "I like a real man, but I want to feel him too". For the moment, all she feels is distance.

You want a girl who thinks your the man, or do you want a girl that you allow to love you? Love is about allowing the other person. What DYD and Mystery are talking about, is to not loose yourself, keep the respect for yourself. It's not about beeing a prick his girlfriend adores... if you stand high, you're standing lonely and you can fall low man and rest assure: when you drop, all people that used to look up at you, will just make room for you to smack the floor pretty hard. Let your girl know you love her for who she is... that's all i'm trying to say.

Beeing a man is not about beeing the best, not about trying to be the best, it's about beeing who you are and respecting yourself. She doesn't feel respected for who she is. The real question is: if you try to proove you DHV in your relationship, how much respect have you got for yourself, the person you really are? That's what she calls you on: "I can't feel you anymore... you're up there, i'm down here"

"You make me feel stupid" is about the same as "you make me feel bad"... see what's more important for you: prooving DHV, or allowing the other person to wake up next to you with a smile.