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View Full Version : No sex from GF after 3 months of dating!!! Please help!



BigBlack
02-07-2007, 02:56 PM
Okay Okay, let me explain. Warning to all, this is going to be a long one because it's very important to me.

I won't bore you by starting from the very beginning (let's just say I did everything write enough to get her to go out with me) but instead start with the beginning of the problem. Before we'd even been going out she'd been giving me LMR whenever I tried to go in for the kiss, and got really pissed whenever I’d bring up the topic of sex in general but specifically sex with her. But after dating for a week or two we eventually started kissing each other after some indirect pressure from me. Unfortunately it'd be one of those half hearted, partner in a coma kisses like Lois Lane gave Superman in the new film. The one where she doesn't move her lips and kind of looks as if she's holding her breath. Next there are the sex attempts. This is why I decided to start this thread because I know what I'm about to say happens to a lot of women, and consequentially a lot of guys too. The only way I can explain it is a mental block, because physically there's nothing wrong with her down there. I'm a big guy (not weight-wise) and she's pretty petite, but I've been with virgins more petite than her before and usually had no resistance getting it in after 2 or so tries. But this was something else. I made a point to (gently) put 3 fingers in before sexing her this one time. I pre-gamed it pretty good, made sure there was no resistance. Put the condom on, and got just about halfway in there but no dice. She completely locked up down there. It didn't feel like I'd reached the back of it, it felt like muscles were actually blocking me from entering her fully. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't work. I felt ridiculous, and then the awful came. She said "look, can you just leave it." If there ever was a boner killer (for me) it's those words. I'm not the kind to force myself on a woman. In fact, I'm not turned on unless she's turned on, so this totally killed it for me the first time this happened. So, this is pretty much the way it goes whenever "I" decide to have sex. She still doesn't talk about sex, doesn't like to do it, and pretty much thinks it's disgusting. The last time we tried this, I said "God Dammit" and sat on the edge of the bed. She started crying. It was a disaster. Okay, believe it or not, here comes the interesting part.

I finally managed to get some intel out of her after about 2 months of this shit happening. Apparently (and I'm sure some of you saw this coming) she was...let's just say "handled" by an older man inappropriately when she was only 16 years old, after getting into his car of her way home one night. She blamed herself for this, and since then have had trouble with relationships. Her last 2 were a disaster. The second to last one she absolutely refused to have sex with him, and it lasted for 4 months. She says he left because things weren't getting better, but she realized she really loved him afterwards but was too proud to get him back. The last one she had sex with twice, but refused anymore after this. She only agreed to stay with him because he promised not to touch her anymore. Still to this day he stalks her. In between breaking up with him and getting with me, she says she got REALLY drunk one night and had a one night stand with a guy (which simultaneously suprised me and pissed me off). Now here I come. I told her that, although I'm sympathetic to her situation, I think she needs some help or needs to at least talk about this with me because it's clearly affecting this relationship. She says she doesn't wanna talk about it, but swears that she really likes me and wants to be with me. She swears she's attracted to me, but when I asked her if she wants me sexually she rarely admits it. I accuse her of just wanting me as a friend , or just a pillow boyfriend, but she swears this isn't that case. She says she needs more time. We've gotten to the point where we joke around about this situation, even with me teasing her by saying i'm the only guy with a GF who's not sexually attracted to him. She's gets mad and says it's "soooo not true" but her actions point to something different. Am I being insensitive or what? I really want this to be a normal relationship, because she's cool to talk to and she's also a HB8 (in my eyes). I don't wanna lose her, but I find myself going out on dates with other woman just to get some satisfaction that my GF won't give me. Anybody else experience this?

wildinout8
02-07-2007, 03:27 PM
Man man man...I've been in the same exact boat. It sucks because you know she wants to, but just can't.

I was messing with a girl in college who had a boyfriend back home. We would fool around, but not have sex. She LOVED to make out...would make out with random guys at clubs, bars, etc...I didn't care...we weren't exclusive...just had a lot in common. Whenever she would get drunk, though, and we would be making out I would try to finger her or go up her shirt and she would always stop me. One day I finally was fed up and asked her what the deal was...she began crying profusely and admitted her uncle used to rape her and that her parents knew but did nothing.

We never did have sex. It's a shame because she was the 2nd girl this happened to me with. It REALLY messes them up in the head. Does your girl cry about it when she gets wasted? They always have questions like, "Why me?" and "I just want to be normal!" It's so unfortunate, but I have yet to see either of these girls overcome it and chances are they never will.

You're in a very sticky situation, my friend. You've already stated that her last 2 relationships were complete disasters...odds are so will yours because you've stated it has already started. She has to get help...a lot of it...for many years to come because her sexual drive is completely shattered...she has it anchored to that horrible disgusting feeling she felt that dreadful night. I've tried every trick in the book to help both of these girls (both are still great great friends of mine since they were both back from about 4 years ago) and as much as they realize they need and want to change they can't. It's kind of like an alcoholic: they know they need to change at certain times...they have their 'Moments of Clarity', but sooner than later they will NEED that fix of alcohol...it's beyond their control...purely phsycological...and the only way they get through it is through professional help.

Do whats right:

1) Look for a clinic where she can get the psychological help she desperately needs in order to live a healthy life

2) Research ways to talk to her comfortably about her issues

3) Be there for her because she needs a man by her side to show her that we all aren't the same...some of us do truly care

Good luck and hope this helps.

Klint
02-08-2007, 01:39 AM
Man man man...I've been in the same exact boat. It sucks because you know she wants to, but just can't.

I was messing with a girl in college who had a boyfriend back home. We would fool around, but not have sex. She LOVED to make out...would make out with random guys at clubs, bars, etc...I didn't care...we weren't exclusive...just had a lot in common. Whenever she would get drunk, though, and we would be making out I would try to finger her or go up her shirt and she would always stop me. One day I finally was fed up and asked her what the deal was...she began crying profusely and admitted her uncle used to rape her and that her parents knew but did nothing.

We never did have sex. It's a shame because she was the 2nd girl this happened to me with. It REALLY messes them up in the head. Does your girl cry about it when she gets wasted? They always have questions like, "Why me?" and "I just want to be normal!" It's so unfortunate, but I have yet to see either of these girls overcome it and chances are they never will.

You're in a very sticky situation, my friend. You've already stated that her last 2 relationships were complete disasters...odds are so will yours because you've stated it has already started. She has to get help...a lot of it...for many years to come because her sexual drive is completely shattered...she has it anchored to that horrible disgusting feeling she felt that dreadful night. I've tried every trick in the book to help both of these girls (both are still great great friends of mine since they were both back from about 4 years ago) and as much as they realize they need and want to change they can't. It's kind of like an alcoholic: they know they need to change at certain times...they have their 'Moments of Clarity', but sooner than later they will NEED that fix of alcohol...it's beyond their control...purely phsycological...and the only way they get through it is through professional help.

Do whats right:

1) Look for a clinic where she can get the psychological help she desperately needs in order to live a healthy life

2) Research ways to talk to her comfortably about her issues

3) Be there for her because she needs a man by her side to show her that we all aren't the same...some of us do truly care

Good luck and hope this helps.


This is the most mature and friendly post I've seen on these forums, and I agree with it. Help her. Don't just be there for her - get her to see a professional. She may never do it on her own.
And don't sleep around right now. Show her some fidelity.

wildinout8
02-08-2007, 04:04 PM
This is the most mature and friendly post I've seen on these forums, and I agree with it. Help her.

Thanks...that is what I try to do with each of my posts. Sometimes we all need to stop being "alpha" and be human. Some people are going to tell you to dump her, she's damaged beyond repair LSE, GFTOW and all that nonsense...NO. Help her out...not only will you be doing something remarkable for another persons life and their self-esteem, but you'll be helping out your inner game by knowing you made a positive impression on the world.

BigBlack
02-08-2007, 04:18 PM
Help her out...not only will you be doing something remarkable for another persons life and their self-esteem, but you'll be helping out your inner game by knowing you made a positive impression on the world.

That's mad true. Thanks!

applaya
02-08-2007, 05:00 PM
help her man, but don't have a relationship with her. I hate to say it, but she is damaged goods. Not her fault, sad, and tragic. It may take her years to recover or perhaps she never will.

hypnotica
02-08-2007, 05:05 PM
I have dealt with many girls with this case. Every single one learned to like it again. Now, i am a professional and know what to do to overcome it now i am not telling you this to just mention it iam telling you this because there are people out there that can help. If she really wants to change she will give it a try if she resists then you might be better moving on to something the will make you happy in all areas as well.
Good Luck,
Hypnotica