PDA

View Full Version : how to open in this situation



apg96
10-26-2006, 10:21 PM
OK so im walking to my car on campus, its like 7 o'clock, and dark. A girl is walking up pretty fast and passes me. I checked her out, and she was hot so i decided i should open her as i walked to my car. She was walking to hers too.
I asked her for her opinion for what i was wearing. She turned gave me a dirty look, and said it looks nice on you, and turned around and kept walking. By her body lanuage when i said anything, it frightened her.
On hindsight i can understand why, she was walking alone, in the dark and a strange guy just starts talking to her. I though nothing of it think, im on a college campus, why not... but there has been alot of talks about sexual assualts, and not walking to cars alone if your a girl.
I by no means look like a creep, i was wearing nice jeans, a sweater, my hair was clean and all. Yet it spooked her.
Is there a way to avoid this, or should i not open a girl alone walking in the dark. (yes i know how that just sounded).
Could i have used a better opener? I didnt want to ask a long or weird one since i was in a club or bar, and we were both obviously going somewhere. I thought it would have been a nice implied time constraint, and i could have invited her to the poker tournament i was going to.

Sabre_Tooth
10-26-2006, 11:25 PM
Yeah, this is a tricky one - doesn't matter how good you look, the girl will be thinking 'OMG a guy is talking to me and there's noone else around - what if he's a rapist!!'
For this reason I think any kind of opinion opener simply isn't going to work. Simply opening her in that situation demonstrates to her that you have a lack of social calibration - either you didn't realise that asking her about your clothes might scare her, or you didn't care. Either way it's not good. Plus I hate any opener related to 'what do you think of what I'm wearing' - I think it projects insecurity - although you can make it work.
The ONLY possible way you could make this situation work is to go direct and show a heap of consideration. Something like:
'Excuse me - I know this is TOTALLY inappropriate for the time and the place, so if I make you uncomfortable, please tell me to get lost (say this with a smile, not seriously). But you are really beautiful and I just had to stop you in order to find out if you're as cool as you look. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by saying that.'
In this way you're showing that you understand her position - that she will feel freaked out by some weird guy talking to her in a quiet car park, and that you are giving her the opportunity to say 'this is too much, go away'. Often, simply giving girls this option is enough to make them feel comfortable in a situation like this, even if they don't use it.
You HAVE to show a lot of consideration for her feelings and the situation here. This is not a bar, and you can't just go up and start running opinion openers on her. You will look as though you just escaped from the nuthouse.
Now some girls will still not feel comfortable and say 'no i'm sorry, i'm not interested' (or whatever). In this situation you have to respect this and let them go. This is not a time to plow and do 'the extra 20%'.
Personally I would not recommend to open in any situations like this until your calibration is pretty good. It's not right to scare the shit out of girls for the sake of a practice set.

Legion5
10-26-2006, 11:41 PM
OK so im walking to my car on campus, its like 7 o'clock, and dark. A girl is walking up pretty fast and passes me. I checked her out, and she was hot so i decided i should open her as i walked to my car. She was walking to hers too.
I asked her for her opinion for what i was wearing. She turned gave me a dirty look, and said it looks nice on you, and turned around and kept walking. By her body lanuage when i said anything, it frightened her.
On hindsight i can understand why, she was walking alone, in the dark and a strange guy just starts talking to her. I though nothing of it think, im on a college campus, why not... but there has been alot of talks about sexual assualts, and not walking to cars alone if your a girl.
I by no means look like a creep, i was wearing nice jeans, a sweater, my hair was clean and all. Yet it spooked her.
Is there a way to avoid this, or should i not open a girl alone walking in the dark. (yes i know how that just sounded).
Could i have used a better opener? I didnt want to ask a long or weird one since i was in a club or bar, and we were both obviously going somewhere. I thought it would have been a nice implied time constraint, and i could have invited her to the poker tournament i was going to.
No AGP that didn't sound like anything. It's all in your head your creepyness.
No really.
Was your body language facing away?
I think it's more likely she was just pissed that you DLV'ed.
Oppinion on what I am wearing? Yes it's a DHV you actually talked to her, but come on, that's like asking "hey do you like me?".
If you don't know what's wrong with this question then that's your first problem. We've all fallen for the "what do you think of what I'm wearing?" opener, never, ever use it, HI is better.

Sabre_Tooth
10-27-2006, 12:36 AM
No AGP that didn't sound like anything. It's all in your head your creepyness.
No really.
Was your body language facing away?
I think it's more likely she was just pissed that you DLV'ed.
Oppinion on what I am wearing? Yes it's a DHV you actually talked to her, but come on, that's like asking "hey do you like me?".
If you don't know what's wrong with this question then that's your first problem. We've all fallen for the "what do you think of what I'm wearing?" opener, never, ever use it, HI is better.
It's true that 'what do you think of what I'm wearing' is a bad opener. But this isn't the main reason she wasn't interested to talk further.
To say that she's pissed because he DLV'd is totally off in my opinion. It's DARK and QUIET in a car park somewhere. Noone else is around - of course the girl is thinking 'Is this guy a rapist?' She doesn't know either way - so better to play safe than sorry. That's why you have to show a whole heap of CONSIDERATION in a delicate situation like this.
Doesn't matter how good his body language is, or how good is opener is, or how well dressed he was. The girl would have this reaction to ANY GUY opening a conversation with her in this situation.
Hell, I would be suspicious of some guy opening a conversation with me in a situation like that, and I'm a big tall guy! How is some petite young girl likely to feel?

miaddict
10-27-2006, 12:42 AM
Is it just me but there is a recent trend in the forums that people ask "how do I open this girl in XXX"?" where XXX is an uncommon place that is not ideal for sarging.
Some guys think that just because they see a hot girl anywhere at any time, it is their duty to open her and try to number close her, and when they find out it's hard or the girl is not responding well, they feel at loss as to why.
Just because you see pussy does not mean you have to get it. :D

Sabre_Tooth
10-27-2006, 01:01 AM
Is it just me but there is a recent trend in the forums that people ask "how do I open this girl in XXX"?" where XXX is an uncommon place that is not ideal for sarging.
Some guys think that just because they see a hot girl anywhere at any time, it is their duty to open her and try to number close her, and when they find out it's hard or the girl is not responding well, they feel at loss as to why.
Just because you see pussy does not mean you have to get it. :D
This is a good point, but one that should be taken with a health warning. It's easy for guys to read this and take on an excuser mentality, where they avoid approaching sets because of AA, but they rationalise that it's not the right time or place.
However, this situation is one that is right on the borderline. I would only recommend opening if you genuinely like the girl's looks - don't run any practice sets in a situation like this.
You are right though, sometimes it's best to just respect the situation and leave her well alone.

apg96
10-27-2006, 01:02 AM
Is it just me but there is a recent trend in the forums that people ask "how do I open this girl in XXX"?" where XXX is an uncommon place that is not ideal for sarging.
Some guys think that just because they see a hot girl anywhere at any time, it is their duty to open her and try to number close her, and when they find out it's hard or the girl is not responding well, they feel at loss as to why.
Just because you see pussy does not mean you have to get it. :D
yes, this is true, but you also cant stand by a wait "for the perfect situation," im too young to go to bars, and parties are very loud so its hard to do it at them, although that is my primary place of sarging.
This is people finding out about day game, opening someone waiting for the bus with you, waiting for your flight to board, etc... you cant just write all these off b/c it wasnt an "ideal" situation.
And the more odd situations, and the harder you have to work the better you can get at it.
I feel this is america's problem, that people never want to do a little extra work, everyone wants the easy way out. Sure its convient to pick up women at a bar or club, but what if you were able to just pick them up as you wait in line at a restraunt, or are getting your dry cleaning.
You can only use routine material so much, and you can go to the same place that every AFC is going to pick up women or you could be different, and act like you are very social and open people doing everyday things. Plus, you dont have to worry about them thinking about ditching a friend.

apg96
10-27-2006, 01:03 AM
damn you sabre tooth, you beat me on that post by 1 min. I think it is because mine is longer.

Sabre_Tooth
10-27-2006, 01:07 AM
damn you sabre tooth, you beat me on that post by 1 min. I think it is because mine is longer.
MUHAHAHHAHA - what can I say, you snooze you lose!!
Actually your post is better than mine and more thought provoking.
A lot of people think 'Women are more open to being approaching in clubs and bars, so I'll limit my game to that'. In reality, game is harder in these places.
You won't face too many bitch shields on the street or in a coffee shop.
Often, the act of simply approaching is enough to create massive amounts of attraction, because it's so unique and ballsy. Sure, a 10 gets approached every 3 seconds in a club - but on the street how many guys have the balls to approach her during the day?
This is why I like to go direct in daygame - it's so much more powerful. Actually I go direct in most sets full stop, it's more congruent with who I am. I have no interest in delivering opinion openers on something I couldn't give a shit about.

miaddict
10-27-2006, 01:19 AM
Guys, please don't fight over this. I have read both of your posts and agree with most of you said. :D
What I was trying to get to is that every PUA must quickly evaluate the chance of closing or achieving an outcome before approaching in a "risky" situation or location. Sometimes opening and not being able to go anywhere can be worse than not approaching and finding a more opportune moment to do so. I dont have AA when it comes to meet men and women alike, but I do have some sense of whether it's the right time. eg if a woman is deeply concentrated on something and there is a "do not disturb me or I'd give you the creeped out look" sign on her forehead, I move on. I guess it comes with experience. Or sometimes an external circumstance is against you... or whatever.
Maybe I'm onto something here. There could be a polar extreme of Approach Anxiety where an aPUA has no fear whatsoever of approaching woman and will hit on every HB that crosses his peripheral vision.
Can you think of a good acronym or term for it?

Sabre_Tooth
10-27-2006, 01:31 AM
if a woman is deeply concentrated on something and there is a "do not disturb me or I'd give you the creeped out look" sign on her forehead, I move on.
I see your point, but I'm not sure if it's possible to make that call. Let's say she's studying in a college library and is deep in thought. She might well have that sign on her forehead, but will that keep me from approaching? Hell no!
If you truly believed you were a gift to a girl's life, you would still approach in situations like this. It would have to take a real strong situation in order for it not to be appropriate - let's say she's in a big white dress and she's stood at the altar about to kiss the groom. I might not approach then...