PDA

View Full Version : How do I reverse this frame?



rrr
10-24-2006, 09:09 AM
OK, I'll try to make a long story short.
By the way, I know I have oneitis and I am going to be meeting other chicks but I want to keep this LTR going until I find someone better so that I can leave without being hurt.
I began an LTR with a chick I worked with, HB8. She soon became madly in love with me (and I also had oneitis for her). After 2 months, we started having very regular fights over stupid shit, but we would always make up. She was concerned because I would sometimes not respond to her calls or texts or see her enough. She was still deeply deeply in love with me and was planning our future together. I was treating her badly because I was with a different chick and liked her a lot. (all behind this HB8's back). So eventually, I broke HB8's heart and broke up with her. Ironically, I did it because she had been taking other guys numbers while she was out. She gets hit on a lot and told me, "If a guy keeps asking me for my number I just give him it, it's no big deal). However, in a jealous rage, I ended the relationship and told her to meet other people because I would be. Extremely stupid knee jerk reaction and since then I have learned to control my conscious mind and never let myself give orders to someone while I am angry again.
Well, HB8 DID meet other people and kissed one guy (probably more, but she's only told me about one and says there were no more) and got over me. And after a while I realised that I really love this HB and have oneitis ( a strong case) so I met up with her and tried to get her back> initially she was very unresponsive and I knew she had changed and didn't love me anymore. But I pulled out the heavy artillery and we ended up sleeping together that night. (no sex though cos I my cock is cut). We slept together last night again and I fingered her but no sex, cos I can't.
But the frame I have had to introduce to get her back was that I was so sorry for hurting her and realise how much I love her and forgive her etc. She always says she loves me now and we are together again. My plan is to continue with this frame for about 2 weeks and then slowly introduce the non needy, distant frame I had before but I don't know if this will work. She was incredibly attracted to me when I adopted that frame. For some reason, I don't think this I-love-you needy frame is going to work for to much longer. I'm acting like an AFC around her but I have HAD to do that to get her back.
I want her to feel like she did before we broke up and I broke her heart. How can I do this?

dagger
10-24-2006, 09:41 AM
wow...i don't even know where to start, other than "worst of nomination"
how does one eat an elephant? one bite at a time...grab your fork--

OK, I'll try to make a long story short.
By the way, I know I have oneitis and I am going to be meeting other chicks but I want to keep this LTR going until I find someone better so that I can leave without being hurt.
that is a terrible mindset to have...destructive/needy for you and hurtful to her.

I began an LTR with a chick I worked with, HB8. She soon became madly in love with me (and I also had oneitis for her). After 2 months, we started having very regular fights over stupid shit, but we would always make up. She was concerned because I would sometimes not respond to her calls or texts or see her enough. She was still deeply deeply in love with me and was planning our future together. I was treating her badly because I was with a different chick and liked her a lot. (all behind this HB8's back). So eventually, I broke HB8's heart and broke up with her. Ironically, I did it because she had been taking other guys numbers while she was out. She gets hit on a lot and told me, "If a guy keeps asking me for my number I just give him it, it's no big deal). However, in a jealous rage, I ended the relationship and told her to meet other people because I would be. Extremely stupid knee jerk reaction and since then I have learned to control my conscious mind and never let myself give orders to someone while I am angry again.
Well, HB8 DID meet other people and kissed one guy (probably more, but she's only told me about one and says there were no more) and got over me. And after a while I realised that I really love this HB and have oneitis ( a strong case) so I met up with her and tried to get her back> initially she was very unresponsive and I knew she had changed and didn't love me anymore. But I pulled out the heavy artillery and we ended up sleeping together that night. (no sex though cos I my cock is cut). We slept together last night again and I fingered her but no sex, cos I can't.
i'm a little lost here...what do you mean your cock is cut? okay forget that, there are larger issues here: she gamed you by showing indifference, if she had shown neediness you probably wouldn't be with her. oh, and be prepared, she probably did a more than kiss one guy.

But the frame I have had to introduce to get her back was that I was so sorry for hurting her and realise how much I love her and forgive her etc. She always says she loves me now and we are together again. My plan is to continue with this frame for about 2 weeks and then slowly introduce the non needy, distant frame I had before but I don't know if this will work. She was incredibly attracted to me when I adopted that frame. For some reason, I don't think this I-love-you needy frame is going to work for to much longer. I'm acting like an AFC around her but I have HAD to do that to get her back.
this is really manipulative and not fair to her.

I want her to feel like she did before we broke up and I broke her heart. How can I do this?
nothing you have written so far has been about her or making yourself/her better, its been about you manipulating her. you ask us to forgive and forget the very things (afc-ism, one-itis, neediness, manipulation...) this site is designed to confront and overcome to help you swindle one girl. i can't condone this and will not advise you how to whip this girl around. i will tell you though, that i think you should do some serious thinking about what you need to improve about yourself; why you think using this girl will make your life easier; why its so important for you to get this girl back, among many other issues.
i know this sounds harsh, but i believe you are doing a hurtful and destructive thing to this girl and yourself.
take care,

rrr
10-24-2006, 10:19 AM
wow...i don't even know where to start, other than "worst of nomination"
ONEITIS can do that to you.


that is a terrible mindset to have...destructive/needy for you and hurtful to her.
"
I agree that this is a needy and destructive mindset. I have learned a lot being in this relationship with this girl and I have really grown as a person. However, I just am so pair bonded to her right now that losing her would hurt extremely so I am simply going to SARGE IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM and meet other hotter chicks that will make my inevitable break up, better.


i'm a little lost here...what do you mean your cock is cut? okay forget that, there are larger issues here: she gamed you by showing indifference, if she had shown neediness you probably wouldn't be with her. oh, and be prepared, she probably did a more than kiss one guy.
"
I had an operation on my cock.
That's true that she gamed me but I also gamed her back (AFCly but it was what was required.) Its very possible that she kissed more than one guy. I know that and accept it.


this is really manipulative and not fair to her.
"
Who cares whats fair to her? Don't get caught up with being fair to women because they can be cold ******. My reason for doing this is to get her to a point where she is back to the point she was at, in love with me, and then gradually introduce the non needy distant frame. This has to be done. If I continue acting this way, it may work for a while, but eventually she'll look elsewhere and I'll be firmly in the AFC provider category. It seems to be working because she just texted me asking me to come over tonight.


nothing you have written so far has been about her or making yourself/her better, its been about you manipulating her. you ask us to forgive and forget the very things (afc-ism, one-itis, neediness, manipulation...) this site is designed to confront and overcome to help you swindle one girl. i can't condone this and will not advise you how to whip this girl around. i will tell you though, that i think you should do some serious thinking about what you need to improve about yourself; why you think using this girl will make your life easier; why its so important for you to get this girl back, among many other issues.
"
I am being manipulative in the extreme, but isn't the community about that. I am manipulating her to like me and I believe acting like an AFC for the time being is the way to do that. It's ironic.
I take this entire paragraph on board and I will do a lot of thinking about it.


i know this sounds harsh, but i believe you are doing a hurtful and destructive thing to this girl and yourself.
take care,
The way I see it, I am giving her something that will make her very happy (ME - I am very good to her). The reason I want to introduce the non needy and distant frame was because it worked so well with her and made her want me even more. She responds to it, even if it hurts her a little. I think she needs it.
I take all your comments on board though and I'm going to do a lot of thinking

Legion5
10-24-2006, 12:07 PM
OK, I'll try to make a long story short.
By the way, I know I have oneitis and I am going to be meeting other chicks but I want to keep this LTR going until I find someone better so that I can leave without being hurt.
I began an LTR with a chick I worked with, HB8. She soon became madly in love with me (and I also had oneitis for her). After 2 months, we started having very ... his I-love-you needy frame is going to work for to much longer. I'm acting like an AFC around her but I have HAD to do that to get her back.
I want her to feel like she did before we broke up and I broke her heart. How can I do this?
That's like asking how to cross the road.
JUST DO IT.
She didn't break up with you or fight because you were an ass, she broke up and faught with you because you were DLV.
If you are DHV and congruent, then you can do anything, but keep in mind it IS DHV to be sensetive. (consistent too ha ha, (and yes even inconsistency can be consistent)).
The point is STOP being so logical or you will highly increase your chances to crash and burn.
All she cares about is DHV and congruency, like you are not trying to manipulate her.
Because that shows need and if you are needy, women want no part in that.
Just do it for christs sake, try to naturally adopt the frame of which you already have. She knows it was a crock of shit, and she also knows she genuinly likes you, but WHATEVER you do, DON'T DLV, always push the envelope.
Writing here and asking for hand holding does not do that, you know what's up man, just go for it!