View Full Version : Do I have any chance of getting her back?

05-28-2018, 12:18 PM
Started seeing a woman in January and we mutually (more her than me but I agreed) decided to end it around a month ago because we just felt our circumstances weren't right. She is 45 and I am 38, she has three kids (from a 10ish year marriage that ended at the end of 2016) so she felt she was holding me back from dating people my own age and the chance to start a family. She wanted to remain friends though and I agreed.

We did the no contact thing for about 3 weeks but I got back in contact with her last week by challenging her to a game on words with friends on Facebook (a mistake I know but I missed her) and then she followed up by messaging me on FB, within 4 messages she told me she 'was doing really good and was seeing someone'. I've recently found out that the person she has gone back to is her ex from before me - they broke up in September of last year and they were only together for around a month so. I've seen the guys Facebook and he is the exact opposite to me. I am quite well spoken, have a professional job, quite sensitive, no real baggage and like to think of myself as a half decent guy. Obviously I'm being a bit judgmental going off someones FB page so I hope you'll forgive me but this guy has a lot of tattoos, 4 kids by 4 different women, looks to have a non secure labouring type job, posts overtly right-wing/slightly racist posts/memes and from my first impressions is perhaps one of those alpha male types.

I am pretty heartbroken in all honesty as I didn't realise how strong my feelings were until she was no longer in my life and her telling me she is seeing someone else hit me like a bullet. I'm still not sure if I can be friends with her but I am wondering if she might have been seeing this new guy before we actually broke up and was cheating on me, I have nothing to go on but from a personal perspective I haven't even thought about dating anyone new having just broken up and I'm not the type of guy who goes for a rebound relationship.

Another thing that makes me suspect she may have been seeing him before we broke up officially is the weekend after we actually broke up we had arranged to meet up on the Saturday night for a drink as part of the whole staying friends thing. I waited around at home all day Saturday until 9.30pm before texting her asking what was going on, she replied just saying 'Sorry I'm out', I'm assuming she was with the new guy as her responses are never usually like that.

If she was seeing someone else whilst we were together I don't think I could be friends with her as it would be so disrespectful and I wouldn't be able to look at her in the same light. I'm also just wondering if she is intending to be friends with me, maybe subconsciously, as she wants someone to provide the emotional side of a relationship whilst she is probably more attracted to this guys carefree alpha male thing so will be having all the fun with him whilst I am the doormat who replies to her Whatsapps and provides emotional support. Overall I just can't imagine him being the type who will show a sensitive, caring, nice guy side which she said was something she really like about me.

Anyway a couple of days ago I sent her a long heartfelt message telling her how much I loved her, thanked her for the time we had together and hoped the new guy would be the one to give her the life she deserves. I left it 24 hours and she didn't respond so yesterday blocked her on everything and unfriended her on Facebook.

Obviously I am going no contact now and haven't really put a timescale on when I will get back in touch with her, if I do at all and just wanted some advice and insight from the outside about the whole thing really. I feel like she will eventually reach out to me but that could be months away although she would have to use someone else's phone or post me a letter as she has no real digital way of contacting me now.