View Full Version : Got a hall pass..used it...got dumped...wat

11-20-2016, 01:17 AM
Hey fellas good evening,

Welcome to my story, grab a large popcorn and a diet coke. (TL:DR at bottom)

Background: I dated girl for 3 year, we lived together in my house the majority of the time. We both have a had a rocky past growing up (her more than me) that I believe helped us connect on a deeper level. Moving on last winter she began to not manage an issue she is dealing with and get help for. I held on for a while trying to get her to seek help, etc but finally I had enough and broke up with her - she moved back in with her parents. We still talked often and she began getting help with her issue.

A few more months go by and we decide to get back together but this time it is long distance (3hrs) with us both working very busy jobs. We still talked everyday and would hangout/have sex whenever we were together. We argued a normal amount I would say - the biggest issue being the distance part and her making an effort to come see me on my rare days off.

Flash forward to this month I got a great opportunity to work in another country for 5 months. Since little I have always dreamed of going to this country and everything about it! The gf understood and said she doesn't want me to hold back because this is an opportunity of a lifetime and I even get a hall pass to sleep with girls if I want - we would just re-evaluate our relationship when I got back she told me to see if I still wanted to be with her.

Now this was kind of a red flag a bit and it seemed like a total trap.

So i'm in my new country exploring doing tourist stuff before I start working, we still talk everyday with her usually calling me. She still sends nudes, etc up until everything blew up.

I end up sleeping with a girl here and immediately regret it, I felt like crap about it and knew I made a mistake. Bonus points the girl also turned into a lunatic.

I'm feeling pretty guilty and homesick and I end up calling the gf and telling her what I did. That I didn't enjoy it, feel bad about it and didn't want to hide anything. (dumb move probs)

her: wow I didn't think you would actually go out and fuck someone i've never even kissed a person since I met you - and asked for a few days to herself to think.

I said ok and respected that. 3 days later she calls and says that it's over between us and shes crying and bawling and said what I did just solidified what she had been feeling lately that we were incompatible, etc.

Having handled a previous break up many years ago catastrophically - I didn't beg or get upset. I said well you did give me a hall pass but if you need to break up with me then you need to break up with me. And if that's what you want then I respect your decision. Then she started crying more because I wasn't acting upset. That was pretty much the conversation and then she texted me that she will always love me and just wants to maintain a friendship now.

TL;DR Girlfriend gave me a hall pass while I was on work/vacation for 5 months, I used it and she dumped me.

That was day 1, she tried calling me again but I was doing sprints to get my frustration out.

Day two she tried calling me 3x but I felt pretty blue and emotional so didn't want to answer and be stupid.

Day 3 today she called me tonight and I answered;
her: have you told your mom that we broke up? she just invited me over for thanksgiving.
me:no not yet I will in the morning
her: silence..
me: Is that all?
her: Yeah I wont try to contact you anymore until you want me to, looks like you are having the time of your life over there.
me: yeah, yeah...anyways alright well i'll talk to you later.

So I won't be back in the States until April, I really love this girl and know we both fucked up(she shouldn't have given hall pass, I shouldn't have actually done it or even told her about it.

I'm just going no contact for a bit I suppose, I finally start my job tomorrow so that will help, been crushing the workouts lately.

Not sure if I should just no contact for a few weeks and then hit her up or just hit her up when i'm closer to coming back home. My end goal would be us getting back together and not having a LDR.


11-28-2016, 12:32 PM
Offf...thats definitely not an easy one but here are some points to consider.
- On the one side you are away from her and by the time you are back you will have likely given her enough time and space to get over you.
+ when she sees you when you are back, if she sees you when you are back, she will definitely get some feelings back.. 3 years is not something that someone would just forget
+ leaving to another country and pursuing you dream is a good thing. You are a man, you have masculine energy, you should go and pursue your dreams
- That hall-pass was a shit test.. you probably shouldve asked her more what she meant with it and if she wanted to sleep with other people etc etc. if her answer was yes you shouldve dumped her anyways..if her answer was no, you shouldve just told her that you didnt wanna sleep with other people and reassured her

I really cant give you a concrete advise but your so far doing well with handling the breakup and you can definitely get this girl back as long as you dont cry or beg or do some of that weak bullshit. If I were in your place..I would call once , twice or three times in course of the next months till am back just to keep her from moving on completely. keep the conversations light and dont always talk about the breakup. then when you are back take her out do something fun bring back the good memories and then sit back and wait and see if she will contact you. If she does, invite her out again and try to fuck her as soon as possible. If she doesnt contact you or if she found someone else then let her go..this relationship is kinda damaged so try not to let it damage you.

12-01-2016, 12:34 AM
All good points my friend.
We did talk on the phone last Friday and she asked if it was a 1 night stand or continuous thing and thanked me for my honesty in the matter for telling her. She said even though our can be an asshole I don't know what you've done to me but I will always love you. I slipped a bit here and said you will always love me but don't want to be together and she said yeah I know but this is for the best right now.

I sent her a letter telling her about the fun I was having, how I wished she was here and how much I loved her before we broke up and she finally got it monday. She called me Monday and texted me saying

Her: thank you very much it still means a lot to me and I will always love you no matter what happens.

She called me 2x on Tuesday and texted me saying she just wanted to say thank you.

Called again Wednesday and then texted said

Her: Sorry to keep calling just wanted to say thank you but I won't anymore. Glad you're having fun.

Today Thursday she texted me saying:

Her: I would really appreciate it if you would just respond. It's on both of us and would just like a reply and then I won't talk to you until you're readynamic.

I haven't responded to any of these. Not sure if I should keep no contact or reply...?

12-01-2016, 04:35 PM
Texted me again today saying she's "hurt that I won't reply but ok."