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View Full Version : Some thoughts for handling a no contact situation.



weeznpleaz
07-04-2016, 10:40 AM
Right, I made a silly plea of desperation a few weeks back after my soul mate dumped me. I get WHY she dumped me now, I have had a word with myself and realise I need to get on with life and improve myself, more so if I ever have a chance of getting back with her in the future.

But, so far I have been working on me (not yet moved onto the Magic Bullets book again, although I have the Love Systems one) and want to improve my game, get good with women and casual dating. Bring back confidence etc and learn as much as I can, generally enjoy life and get some new hobbies.

But I have a situation I need to deal with and want to know how to handle it, without just not showing up. In a few months I have a 4 - 5 day shindig trip all paid for, with a group of friends who of course, are OUR friends. We all chipped in for a huge communal accommodation as it seemed like the best idea. It would be a lot of money to lose and I can't get a refund, but she will be there... It's going to be almost impossible to avoid her.

Thoughts? I can avoid during the day and do my own thing, maybe some of the nights. I'd like to keep my no contact going though. If it wasn't so much money and not been planned for so far back and not been so heavily involved, I would have just written it off. Just asking for some help on how to handle myself when I am unable to avoid....

The short of it is, I have a lot of improving to do and want to work on my game and be better all round, especially with women. But my end goal is to try again to re-attract my ex in the future. I'm getting the vibe so far that I need to keep contact to a minimum until I am "ready" - or will it be okay to be present and just act calm and cool as if I am getting on with life around her? I am a noob with female psychology for now. So just need some thoughts from experience.

Thanks - and sorry for the bad vibes last time I posted. I'm ready to learn and move on now.

Hurley
07-04-2016, 10:59 AM
my end goal is to try again to re-attract my ex in the future.


I'm ready to learn and move on now.So, which one is it. Are you ready to move on, or are still trying to get back with her?

weeznpleaz
07-04-2016, 11:14 AM
I'm ready to move on man... but, in the future, I would like to give it another shot. I understand my failings and why it broke down. It was all me becoming a wuss and not dealing with issues or the relationship properly and allowing anxiety to take over.

She's out of my head, I am not thinking about her, I am not trying to contact her or get back with her right now, I am starting to flirt with girls (some I know, some I don't) around the town and have planned a whole year of me, from travel to more hobbies and getting back in shape. But I would like to maintain that. Just curious how I should handle this upcoming trip...

Vox
07-04-2016, 11:34 AM
She's out of my head, I am not thinking about her

This is Hurley's point, and he's right. The above is not true. You are thinking about her. The very fact your wrote this post means you are.

Everything you're doing is basically a disguised attempt to get her back at some point in the future. It's all about her.

Tank
07-04-2016, 03:04 PM
I am starting to flirt with girls (some I know, some I don't) around the town and have planned a whole year of me, from travel to more hobbies and getting back in shape. Start letting go of the notion that she's your soulmate. Keep approaching girls and flirting with them. Dedicate one hour a day for the next few months to practice game, then when it's time for the trip, it will literally be no problem at all. She will just be a girl you used to know.

weeznpleaz
07-04-2016, 03:15 PM
Okay, fair comment... I take it on board.

But, I will say this... best sex, best intimacy, she;s a 10/10 etc... its been hard to let go. But I SEE where I went wrong, as such I want to improve.

Surely you can see from this that I can BE the guy that girls want and one day, re attract her... I know where you are coming from. There are literally thousands of hot women waiting. I do want to get on with my life. I'm just curious, from an experience point of view, how to handle this situation. Do I act like a friend or do I try and do my own busy thing. That's all I am aksing for now. She's out of my head. She handed back all my stuff the other day, what ever... doesn't bother me.

She becomes a girl I used to know. Sure. But if I wanted to to re attract her. I NEED to fix myself and get good, learn to be comfortable around hot women etc. Outside of this one event I want to just live my life and date women and I will be asking for advice on that in future, I have a text game going on for two girls right now, but want to progress it.

In all, I will take on board what I can, until I can "alpha" back up and get into the correct mindset. I just wanted some advice on how to handle this trip...

Tank
07-04-2016, 03:58 PM
I'm just curious, from an experience point of view, how to handle this situation. Do I act like a friend Yes

Another thing to let go of is this Alpha-concept. It's pretty bullshit. If you need to ask if you're Alpha, then you're by definition very far from being Alpha

Get out there, take some chances and work on yourself. It doesn't become more Alpha than that.

weeznpleaz
07-05-2016, 10:10 AM
Yes

Another thing to let go of is this Alpha-concept. It's pretty bullshit. If you need to ask if you're Alpha, then you're by definition very far from being Alpha

Get out there, take some chances and work on yourself. It doesn't become more Alpha than that.


Okay, thanks man.


Also, noted... cut me some slack, I am only on page 20 (and realising I should have not kept it hidden away) and trying to rebuild after 6 years. It's taking chances that get me at the moment, or at least figuring out whether to make a move and figure out the womens psychology. Most of them I know in social circles, so it seems risky. Gonna have a read first though.

JohnJohn123ju
10-18-2016, 12:32 AM
Okay, thanks man.


Also, noted... cut me some slack, I am only on page 20 (and realising I should have not kept it hidden away) and trying to rebuild after 6 years. It's taking chances that get me at the moment, or at least figuring out whether to make a move and figure out the womens psychology. Most of them I know in social circles, so it seems risky. Gonna have a read first though.

Just continue improving yourself. If you come face to face with your ex just act be civil, polite and don't let her affect your decision that your moving on. At the end of the day it is all about you and if you let this affect you, then she will also have a control over you.

weeznpleaz
10-30-2016, 08:19 AM
Just continue improving yourself. If you come face to face with your ex just act be civil, polite and don't let her affect your decision that your moving on. At the end of the day it is all about you and if you let this affect you, then she will also have a control over you.


I've shared an evening out with her and friends lately, which was fine. I am not pursuing anything or anyone at the moment until I can sort myself out, I have had to seek help elsewhere in my life first.

But sure, I miss the life we had, but I can be around her until I am ready to try again with other and of course her.