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View Full Version : How do you deal with never speaking to an ex and her family again?



Uzi2014
04-06-2016, 02:11 PM
Hi,

Sorry to bore you guys, but I'd really really appreciate some quick advice on this. I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months this morning. Its raw and painful. I acknowledge we weren't right for each other. She wasn't grateful, didn't have a sense of humour, and had a massive sense of entitlement.

What started the beginning of the end was a pathetic reason. I got upset with her not telling me shes going away in the summer for 6 weeks. I told her it was because summer is the time where I thought we were going to have time to build on our relationship, as in term time she is at university three hours away and I work on the weekends. Despite getting angry and being stubborn after about 30 minutes I apologised and told her its only because I care I wanted to see her, after a few days we came to a truce and 'made up'. But she never truly forgave me, which is what she said today. So I'm a bad guy because I wanted to spend more time with you as I was worried we would drift apart?

What is putting me off relationships at the moment is stuff like this. I got so involved in her family (going from never being in a relationship to being so comfortable with her family that I went boxing on my own with her brother, went to the gym with her and her mum, had numerous dinners with them. I also went to her brothers party and met her whole family and got asked loads of questions, I was also the only black person there!)

Now all the effort I made finacially and emotionally feels wasted. We've blocked each other off social media, and aren't on talking terms. This is what I'm finding hard to deal with, you're with someone for 7 months then in a day you're never speaking again. Its like the part of your life never happened. She said I treat her how her dad treats her mum (getting stroppy) and she doesn't want to be with someone like that. She never mentioned anything good I did in the relationship, and that is what hurts.

How do you get the negative emotions and resentment out of your mind?

LuckyBear
04-06-2016, 05:55 PM
I can remember this feeling from years ago. Realise that all this is about something else. Read Magic Bullets, read through the forum here. The harsh truth first: You brought this on yourself. Instead of making the relationship more fun for her, you tried to make it more serious - which is something we are socially conditioned to do, so you are not to blame for this. The reason she was angry at you: You were acting weak and unsure - therefore she compared you to her dad - maybe in the past her father was acting in a weak way towards her mother, maybe being jealous and a bit of a control freak. This ruins the fun for women - she needs a man, who doesn't give too much of about, if she likes him back, someone who treats her with just enough respect, but at the same time doesn't seek validation. You have got to read in the Love Systems Books and on the forum about all the psychology behind this, but for now to help you LET GO:

Focus on every positive aspect of your life, which is not related to her. Focus on some positive aspects of your relationship with her - things you would want to experience with another girl as well. Then focus on the things you would have liked, you are looking for in a girl apart from this (something she couldn't offer) - then just go out, let go of all negative emotions, relax and look on the outside - always stay in the present with your thoughts. Put yourself mentally in a higher position than your ex-girlfriend every time you think of her. Enjoy this feeling, it can be OK to feel angry at first, anger can help you to detach yourself emotionally, but then you have to let go. Focus on things that benefit you, that are good for your health, your life, etc.

Realise you will have many more girls in your life - and there will be love and there will be greater love than you felt before. Be open for it and tell yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH - you don't have to be someone for a girl. You don't have to make things work. You are enough, you are a man, therefore girls want to sleep with you. Keep that in mind all the time.